Hi there,

I was browsing the internet and found your site after coming to terms with the fact that I am an alcoholic. 

I am young, only 22 years old and are what some people call a "functional addict."  I have the nice job, I'm active in my community, I was always class President in High School and performed in all the school plays.  I do quite a lot with my time but black out frequently when drinking and have done so since I was 15. 

I had the wake up moments so many times and somehow I still continue to drink.  Date rape, waking up in a strangers apartment, fights, cheating, lying, crying, pain, losing friends, so many dissapointed faces...

There have been a couple of interventions over the years by friends.  Usually, they aren't that alarmed because I can show many successes in my day to day and seem to keep it relatively together.  I don't think that my parents want to accept that I have a problem because I am the together child, making good money and out on my own.  I don't drink everyday.  I used to think that I don't NEED alcohol so how can I have a problem?  yeah, I get wasted but everyone does from time to time.  I just won't drink liquor.  I'll stick with wine and beer.  It never lasts when I try that.  I always think I can handle it.

I am out of control.  I do not have the control my friends have.  They just don't understand how I get so drunk.  Why I don't stop myself when I've had too much and how I possibly can't remember what happened the night before.

I feel like a liar; a fake, a fraud.  I feel as if I go to work everyday and no one realizes how messed up I really am. 

Last night, I blacked out.  I celebrated New Year's eve, like Halloween, and when I see old friends or celebrate my birthdays.  I can't tell you why I have large bruises on my knee.  I don't remember getting into an altercation with another random woman.  I spent the day on this couch where I sit now in agony from another hangover.  I called my boyfriend crying after throwing up for an hour or so and told him I was sorry for my actions. It was gorgeous outside today in Washington DC.  An abnormal 68 degrees.  And I didn't once step outside or move.

It's almost as if, I have multiple personalities.  Sober Lauren who is so successful and sharp in a boardroom and drunk, destructive, selfish, Lauren.  

My job doesn't help the drinking.  I am expected to network, I am expected to go to lunch with clients and attend cocktail hours. 

I am sick of making excuses. 

Today starts day 1 for me. 

I am looking through various sites and it all seems overwhelming to me.  How do I know a good group from another?  Do I call first? 

Any help would be greatly appreciated.  Resources, websites that are good.  Hey, if I can quit smoking I am bound to be able to quit drinking? :)

When I quit smoking, I announced to everyone around me that this is what I was doing, that I was serious and that they should help me.  It created a circle of support and everyone was cheering me on....

I was thinking of doing something similar to my core group of friends and family.

I am scared to let down my parents and admit that I have a problem.  I am the together child.  I have a brother with addictive problems who has been in and out of rehabs breaking there hearts many times.  He is the focus of their attention.  I am the successful one and they really don't understand that I probably have worse issues than him. 

Thank you for having this site.  Just writing this out has helped me immensely.  I look forward to using it as a resource and checking back when I'm feeling down. 

--Lauren