Gee it's been well what you'd call busy, slowed down to One job working 40 hours aweek, and its about time.
Kids are doing well, daughters still doing well in school, and i tell the year went so damn quickly.
My son well, he's not doing to bad.... That goes without saying I guess, I've still learning to let goooooooo... I'm sure you all can agree...
Been going through some other bumps in my path and learning to deal with my emotions on that matter... Its in regards to legall matters of My mother accident 5 years ago. And feel it's time to let woman rest in peace.......
Do hope it comes soon than she can rest in peace and everyone can move on. Even though she is missed, Then we all can be at peace.. i'm in the process of doing another 4th step and coming up on 5 years in July..... That's going slowly. Wish me luck
Hi Tina!! Please check in more often!! Congratulations on coming up on 5 years. That is terrific!!! Don't know much about the situation with your mother, but I hope that everything gets resolved to a point where everyone can be at peace.
Hope you are having a great week!!
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
Hi Tina. This is my first time on the website. I tried AA but it just wasn't for me. Quite frankly, I'm tired of all the psychoanalyzing BS and all the spiritual breakthroughs and revelations. All I know is that I'm someone who can't have one drink without having 10 more. I've gone as long as 3 years without. Then I go back promising myself that this time I'll keep it under control. I've never done anything totally outrageous while drinking but I do have blackouts and I do feel guilty and crappy the morning after I drink. I have 2 beautiful children, a boy 11 and a girl 8, I'm a nurse working part time in a "stable" marriage with many supportive friends. Drinking is my "dirty little secret" and what makes it easy is the fact that I have a husband who covers for me, a drinker himself in heavy denial. I don't want to live this way but I don't want to be around all these people who are so self-absorbed that they forget about everthing else around them. I just want to stop drinking. I want to be able to talk to someone with whom I can identify, someone who hasn't yet lost their home or family or been hospitalized because of drinking or been arrested for A and B or DUI. I'm not there yet and don't intend to be. I want to kick the habit before it gets out-of- hand. Lots of alcoholism in my family. Know I can't drink. No denial here. Just need support. Anybody out there who can identify? MM
I identify with a lot of what you said. When I was younger I could defy my alcoholism on sheer will. Somewhere towards my late thirties through an unfortunate series of events I sort of lost a lot of my will to give a damn.
I think about how self absorbed everyone sounds at AA sometimes. But mostly I feel that's just people who aren't really great at articulating their thoughts and feelings. I also think, "if that's what it takes to keep them from drinking, then it's good enough." I run across tons of non-alcoholics that are totally self absorbed asses, and I think if you get nearly any group of fifty people from demographic- flyfisherman or butterfly collectors or BMW mechanics or whatever- and give them the floor for three minutes each, you'd probably find it no different than AA.
I try to accept the people who annoy me as some act of whatever god there might be attempting to remind me to not be an ass. ;)
TLH, You make some valid points and I appreciate the humor. Guess I'm just feeling angry right now. Guess I should cut everyone a little slack. I realize that being a nurse has hardened my heart some. I do recognize alcoholism as a disease and I've certainly been around it plenty both in my personal and professional life. I wish I could be a little more empathetic. The whole reading from the "Big Book" and sitting around listening to the same people drone on about the same issues each week just isn't doing it for me. I'm just so exhausted....MM
yes I'm glad to see you out on the board mamomma, and can Identify with you. I was in a marriage with a spouse whom is still a heavy drinker and in great denial. And is still waitin for me to go back, yet realizes that it's not going to happen.
I'm so greatful to the program and have alot of support through family and friends in and out of the program. Through hard work and alot of strength, faith and prayers. I feel that I'm stronger individual for it now.
I just hope you keeping coming back, TLH so glad to see you, hope all is well.
TLH, You make some valid points and I appreciate the humor. Guess I'm just feeling angry right now. Guess I should cut everyone a little slack. I realize that being a nurse has hardened my heart some. I do recognize alcoholism as a disease and I've certainly been around it plenty both in my personal and professional life. I wish I could be a little more empathetic. The whole reading from the "Big Book" and sitting around listening to the same people drone on about the same issues each week just isn't doing it for me. I'm just so exhausted....MM
Hi Mamomma,
welcome to the board. Your comments about us AAs are a bit narrow minded and stereotypical in nature. All I can think of, by your observations, is that you haven't been to too many different meetings. We are a very diverse group and of course the depth of any given person's bottom varies considerably. I would suggest that you try varriing your meetings, try some morning, noon, or 5:30 meetings lots of professionals in those.
It's easy to "compare out", that's what we all wanted,tried, and did, when we first came in. I was far too good, and way too smart, for this simple program and consequently it took years for me to "get it".
You say that you are not in denial, so why, every few years, do you talk yourself back into drinking? It seems that hearing about others consequences of their drinking irritates you because you havent experienced them YET. Ask yourself a few questions. How would you handle it if your marriage was over tomorrow? And the drinking over the stress of that caused you to loose your job, and perhaps you got a DUI, and along the way lost your license to work....
All of those things could happen in a matter months like a slow moving hurricane or tornado, like the TV commercial says "Life comes at you fast, are you in good hands". It's during these life changing events that our spiritual condition will make the difference.
TLH, You make some valid points and I appreciate the humor. Guess I'm just feeling angry right now. Guess I should cut everyone a little slack. I realize that being a nurse has hardened my heart some. I do recognize alcoholism as a disease and I've certainly been around it plenty both in my personal and professional life. I wish I could be a little more empathetic. The whole reading from the "Big Book" and sitting around listening to the same people drone on about the same issues each week just isn't doing it for me. I'm just so exhausted....MM
I get way "over" AA sometimes too. Not the program- the actions of a lot of the people within it (which ironically enough I feel could be enough to drive a person to drink ). But having those meetings to go to is a large part of what keeps me on the straight and narrow- not so much the dogma as the actual "anchoring" effect of having 100 people I know who know me counting on me to come be healthy and happy for an hour. For the briefest moment walking from the parking lot towards my meetings, down the stairs, over to the makeshift coffee bar where make a cup of tea, across the room where I find a seat- in that couple minutes I very much appreciate that I'm still sober and made it through another day. Other things used to be important to me- big contracts and big checks, nice cars and whatever- material stuff. But as hard as things have been in the past, I think in this the alcoholic path that I've gone down has been a boon- I learned to appreciate the little stuff a lot more.
But then sometimes the little stuff is really pretty big stuff.
Tina wrote:I just hope you keeping coming back, TLH so glad to see you, hope all is well.
I'm great. Been scrambling trying to stay afloat in this horrific economy we're having. But... I have two arms, two legs, a reasonably functional brain and a heartbeat. That puts me at about 98% OK.
Mamomma Welcome.... Try to find some good woman;s meeting to go to. Thats where I find my most spiritual core. No BS , no wacky men trying to find something they shouldnt be looking for!!!!!! I go to a small group on Weds nites and can say that these women offer friendship, love, understanding and have exactly what I want! Im not 100% there yet but am trying!
Keep on posting.....
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
). But having those meetings to go to is a large part of what keeps me on the straight and narrow- not so much the dogma as the actual "anchoring" effect of having 100 people I know who know me counting on me to come be healthy and happy for an hour. For the briefest moment walking from the parking lot towards my meetings, down the stairs, over to the makeshift coffee bar where make a cup of tea, across the room where I find a seat- in that couple minutes I very much appreciate that I'm still sober and made it through another day. Other things used to be important to me- big contracts and big checks, nice cars and whatever- material stuff. But as hard as things have been in the past, I think in this the alcoholic path that I've gone down has been a boon- I learned to appreciate the little stuff a lot more.