So what I am up against now? I am getting mad and distrssed at the thoughts of yester years.While I had already accepted most of the big destructive moments and events in life, I can't stand the small ones which led to them. I am reading and rereading 3 steps as Tugg suggested.Its very scary.I am unable to complete it all at one go, and starting again means another nightmare.
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
Getting sober is a process, not an event. Along the way we accept our humanness and forgive ourselves (and others) for what happened in the past. One day at a time, we are going to stay sober and change into people that we can admire (read love myself). We can't do that very easily while we are dragging these big heavy suit cases filled with the stinky stuff, that we did or allowed others to do, in the past. It's good that you are doing some work on this, but on a daily perspective set a time limit of 30 minutes to an hour and put it away. We can't enjoy our day while we're dwelling on the past. Are you getting proper rest, meals, and exercise? Try and spend an hour a day walking in a park or down by the river watching animals, getting in touch with Today. Make it a good day.
I am still accepting things about the past and about my character flaws every single day, Nisha. The difference is that the FEAR is gone. My mind can wander off to horrific places from days of old, and yet there is a detachment there now, where I do not have to take on all the pain and feelings attached to these memories.
AA cannot wipe out my past, but it does take the sting out through acceptance and a new value I have been able to place on myself in the present. Time with AA is the healer, in this sense.
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~~"It's hard to be hateful when you're grateful."~~
