I am wondering if all addictions are the same, chemical or not. My husband is addicted to an A woman and it seems to be all consuming. At work there are complaints that he spends "hours" in the bathroom - he is busy texting his g/f. I've seen the bills and they must text back and forth 30 times a day. Nothing ever in moderation...Wouldn't be as a big deal if my husband were not the boss and if his services weren't needed to keep the business going or if our business was not on the verge of crumbling. His g/f once worked for us, that is when they got together. She was a terrible employee. I finally made him fire her because every single other employee was going to walk if she stayed.
He desperately wants her back in the office. I think he just may need to have his "fix" close by. He is newly sober from drugs and alcohol (and I cautiously only say this because he is randomly tested and in a tight recovery program) but still seems like an A, using her to use the place of the substances? His behavior in the office is crazy. He dontinually makes very bad decisions. He recently let our office manager walk out (and refused her offer to stay for 2 wks to train). She just could not take his unpredictable behavior and lack of responisibility any more. Now there aren't any employees that can stand in the way of him bringing hhis A g/f in. An active A running and newly sober A. If that ain't a recipe for disaster...
It seems he is willing to risk losing our business over having this woman in the office with him, just like an A will drink knowing he doesn't have money or won't be able to get up in the morning.
While I am going to make every effort in our divorce settlement to be out of the business completely, until that day comes I care about what happens in the business. So tell me, can a sexual addiction be just as damaging as one that involves substances? Regardless of the answer I know I can't do anything about it (believe me I tried), I am just wondering.....
yes. An alcoholic/addict can switch addictions. It's amazing how easily the mind is mood altered by even benign activities such as video games, texting ,or even message boards. I have to watch my time that I spend on the internet because I get absorbed by it.
I'm glad that you're getting a divorce and taking care of yourself. I hope that you're in or looking into Coda or alanon to defuse these issues with being married to an alcoholic, so that you're not inclined to choose another addict for a partner (very common). Typically we pick people that remind us of our parents (familiarity).
With that said, try not to focus on your X as you've already identified that you can't control him.
I agree with the 2 posters above. Nothing you can do to change another person. Glad that ifs it has come to this, that you are hitting the road, and getting on with your life. Kudos to you, and I hope all goes well for you.
Joni
-- Edited by jonijoni at 08:07, 2008-04-09
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