Hi Scott,

Welcome back.

Try not to beat yourself up too much about picking up again. We're alcoholics and drinking is what we do best. Get to as many meetings as you can and share what happened to you and keep posting here.

You're not alone in picking up again. Many of us have done that. I did when I had three months sobriety. But, I just got to as many meetings as I could and really threw myself into the AA program and just thought about one day at a time.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

Hey Scott,

Welcome back. It's time to reevaluate and "go back to the chalk board to see what plays didn't work" as our football coach step study presenter would say. He also like to say "name it, claim it, and ask God to tame it". lol. Well I would say that this relapse probably started before you went on the trip. It could've been in choosing the "all inclusive" resort, especially with only 3 months. And perhaps, who you went on the vacation with. I've passed on quite a few "all inclusives" because I figured that the booze was factored in the pricey price. And being the alcoholic that I am, I would want to get my money's worth, which would require me to drink. I would've set myself up for the "stinkin' thinking" and the subsequent drinking.

During our step study group meeting, with about 250 people, the presenter asked the folks with more than 15 years to raise their hands. There were about 30 of us. Then he asked us to keep our hand up and only those of us that had Not done our 4th and 5th steps to lower our hands. Well everyone had done steps 4 and 5. Then he asked the same group about steps 6,7,8,9 and that group had done those as well.

So Scott I don't know where you're at with the steps, or where you were during you previous long term, but if it was me, I'd be going to a couple step meetings, or one 12 & 12 meeting, and one BB study, get with a sponsor that knows his stuff, and get thoroughly through the steps. It's our character defects that drive us to drink, and self centered fear is "the chief activator of all of our defects of character". The same man Will drink again.

One other observation that I've been seeing over the last couple decades, is AA's with seemingly good sobriety (5,10,15 years) suddenly go out and drink. Almost every one on them had recently (within a year or so) gotten into a relationship. Sure they slowed their meetings down or stopped coming. And that's what most people in AA key up on. But there's deeper issues involved in how many AA's have trouble with relationships and how the stress from them (and fear) takes them out of their sober life style (for lack of a better term) and somehow they revert back to their former self and drink. I think this is because many AA's don't learn how to handle relationships in sobriety/recovery. I'd like to expand on this, but I'm limited in an AA platform as I don't believe that AA (founded and formed 60,70 years ago) had a handle on relationships after recovery and was/ is primarily concerned with just saying sober. So I will say that after floundering for 2 full years of going to meetings and drinking every 2 or 3 months, that I was very fortunate to have accidentally walked into a Codependents anonymous meeting. I believe that I got some relief from some issues (not knowing how to say NO, in a relationship was one of them) that were making it hard to get sober.
That's just my personal experience.

Dean

Good job on day 6! Keep on doing what youre doing! The anticipation of going in the first place, knowing what may happen, was probably enough to drive you over the edge.

I think about the times I felt so dumb for asking if "i should go out to dinner with my partying neighbors>" Didnt think Id drink but hearing the responses of others helped me make a decision not to go. Too soon to put myself in that situation. I guess thats why they tell us not to make decisions on our own, pick up the phone, etc.

Good to hear from you!!!
Lani

Hi Scott,

Welcome back. Give yourself a big pat on the back for coming back. We all know too many who haven't. Pretty sure you've been around these rooms long enough to take what you need from this experience and leave the rest.

Thanks for being here

We have a few more things in common. I met my wife when I had 3 years. We dated for 2 years, then lived together for 2 more years, and have been married now for 11 years (in May). She's a non-alcoholic that has an alcoholic for a father, and a fairly codependent mother. My wife found out she was a type I diabetic a couple years before she met me, so she can't drink really (not what we would consider "drinking" lol), other than a glass of wine now and then. She's gone years at a time without.
After we started living together, the number of meetings I attended decreased substantially, but I had surrounded myself with friends from the program, that I talked to a daily basis pretty much. No excuses, just how it worked. It seemed like I upped my meetings, a few months before my anniversary each year (seemed a bit disingenuous but heck I was staying sober), to feel deserving of my coin each year. Although I've maintained a sponsor the whole time. But an amazing thing happened when I
started posting on this board. I felt guilty of "two stepping" (practicing only the 1st and 12st steps). So since last year I've set a monthly goal for meetings, and have been exceeding it. Then last month decided to join this weekly step study group again. I informed my sponsor that I'm ready to do another 4th and 5th step. What does this have to do with ECS? I dunno lol.

Is your wife willing to Not keep booze in the house now, and to scale back her drinking (at dinners out ect...) in support of your sobriety? If so, that's what I would consider a "desire for you to be sober". If she views it as "your problem" then it's not a priority. I know that my x-wife (totally different circumstance as we were both drinkers when we met) would rather have not lost her drinking partner (or her ability to drink in the house) then for me to get sober. I think that she was in denial about my problem, and thought somehow that I could return to drinking moderately/heavy lol with her. I tried for two years to get sober, and the later year really trying and felt that she was sabotaging my sobriety. I got a new sponsor, and old timer nazi type lol, who told me my marriage was a complete disaster and that I needed to get a divorce. I got pissed of course and told him (angrily) that he was my sponsor, Not my freekin' marriage counselor. He said "you're right, but you still need a divorce". He was right and 3 months later I got separated for the last time. This may explain my skepticism toward early sobriety and relationships, but hey that's were I came from. I spent the first three years single and loving it, and built a strong foundation within myself, that is still with me today.

My wife is very independent. If I hadn't have had this profound change in my relationship with myself, I wouldn't be emotionally independent enough to be in a relationship with her. She absolutely doesn't enable me in any way, and visa versa. In the 15 years that we've been together, we've never had a fight. No name calling, no inuendos, no threats, no leaving the house or going to bed angry.... We've had some serious discussions, and I've apologized a lot for opening my big mouth, but it's been smooth as glass.

more later,

Dean