In therapy, being honest...finding it's not a matter of "triggers"- but "permission points"- There is always a narrative that goes with what started a relapse....why at any given moment I let it be an option is what I struggle with.
Hey beach girl Welcome to MIP!! Its great to meet you....Are you attending AA meetings or just going to therapy? You didnt share much info about yourself....Great job on being sober a year! They tell me its the first year that is the hardest. Good luck to you and keep posting. Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Welcome to MIP. I do hope that you'll stay around.
For me, I'm an alcoholic and anything and everything can trigger me wanting to take a drink. But, by going to meetings and using this board I can share how I feel with other people who have been right where I am. And, I can stay sober for one more day.
Well done on being sober for one year. That's a great achievement.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Here there Beachgirl, congrats on a year that's huge. don't get too comfortable just yet, there's work to do. sounds cliche I know, but up the meetings, work the program. most of that goes away after doing the 4th and 5th steps. I was stuck in the revolving door for 2 years because I wouldn't do my 4th,5th. But I haven't seriously thought about drinking since, and it's been awhile. Hang in there.
Good job on the year. Over the course of sobriety I have given myself permission many times and for many reasons. Only miracles kept me sober I guess. Please permit me to ramble. :)
Are you looking for examples to tell your therapist? Only you know your inner dialog. Heres some of mine. :)
To myself, Well Bob, Your rehab hospitalization has a rolling burn thats just about up. That means if I get drunk I can go to rehab again.. I better check, "Blue Cross,?" Hi, If I broke my leg, am I covered. "Oh yeah!, they say". Well if the pain drove me crazy, how's my therapy coverage. "Well Bob, your not covered again till January, You've used all that up." "Oh My??!!! what do i do? What ... well you know I was in an alcohol rehab once? Well what would happen if not having a therapist drove me to drink, you know...from the pain and the craziness of the pain? You know I can't take pain pills. What would happen if I drank and had to go to rehab? "Oh your covered for that. You were eligable a month ago in fact." Well thanks, that a load off my mind, thank you.
NOW I have permission to drink.
An excellent place to read about permission to drink style thinking is the chapter "More about alcoholism" Particularly, the story about the guy drinking a little whiskey with his milk. While I'd never mix whiskey with milk. I sure can relate to that kind of thinking.
Often my permission has deeper roots. I often stop the obsession with a simple acknowledgment that I'm BSing myself. That styops a lot of stinking thinkin right in its tracks but I have other issues. They have to do with self worth. Early in sobriety I had a girl cheat on me and instead of coming to the conclusion that this relationship probably wasn't going to be my cup of tea, I cam to the conclusion that I was so worthless I should die. I looked into a bar room door and just knew that the dive I was looking at without a soul inside was made just for me to start the process. I had more than permission to drink. Thinking stopped, my vision tunneled, the last days of my life passed before my eyes, and I was A-OK with it. I totally accepted that was where I belonged, the lowest loneliest bar in the worst side of the worst town. It all happened in seconds, It seemed an eternity that I was lost in.
Then the light turned green.
Sometimes we are without a mental defense of the first drink. The spirtual life is not a theory, we have to live it. An outstanding mental defense against the triggers and thinking won't do in instance like this. A power greater than ourselves is our only chance. We have a disease with a solution outside our own minds that we must tap into. Or at least, I have found it so.
Hope my ramble hasn't sent you packing :). Please stop back.
"Sometimes we are without a mental defense of the first drink. The spirtual life is not a theory, we have to live it. An outstanding mental defense against the triggers and thinking won't do in instance like this. A power greater than ourselves is our only chance. We have a disease with a solution outside our own minds that we must tap into."
Welcome to MIP, Beachgirl. So great to have you here. I'm glad you've visited & I hope you'd like to stay. Keep coming back x When I've been struggling & looking for one good reason to take a drink I've found it really hard to find one. That's because deep down & right up to the surface level I really don't want one so for me thinking of a drink is fantasy & probably an effective means of distraction from whatever uncomfortable feeling I'm trying to avoid. Quite often I simply don't like to sit with me. That's because I can have all kinds of negative thoughts about myself & my life that no wonder I want to escape. This is when our Higher Power comes in handy & that can mean simply seeking some love outside of me when I'm short & suffering i.e. going to a meeting, picking up the phone & speaking to another alcoholic whether that be a friend or my Sponsor. I'm a 'save her for emergencies' kind of Sponsee cuz I don't want to wear her out but when I do call her I'm always glad I did! I can also share here & do something good for myself like read some AA & recovery literature. I've done alot of reading around alcoholism in my first year. Well done for reaching yours. I'll be 18mths on April Fools Day. Hang in there. It gets better & it gets easier. The longer you practice life without a drink, the more you have to be grateful for. You're just fine, Beachgirl. I've loads of hope & kindness for you. The reason you haven't taken a drink today is because you don't want to. Keep on remembering that & you'll be fine. That's a great defence for me. If we wanted one, we'd have one. We don't need permission. It's good to know that, with all the help I have with AA, I have that choice today & the beauty of it is.. It's become a gift. Have a beautiful, fantastic, happy Sober Day.. Blesses for you, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Congratulations on one year. I believe alcoholism to be both a disease and an addiction. It only takes a single drink to get you back to that person of just over a year ago. Do you really want to be that person again? If you believe that there is little difference between then and now (as I do on occasion), ask someone close. Take care H.
hope I'm doing this right- till learning to navigate the site...the first year was about fear (I had some pretty nasty consequences). I hear we are born forgetters...when you bullshit yourself about being on a diet and eating ice cream, you can laugh it off, but this involves so much shame for me. I really appreciate all the replies, thanx
Stop back more often :) I thought you left us. Whats so embarrassing about being an alcoholic anyhow? Look at us. should we be ashamed.? Not this cat. Actually very proud to be a member of AA. I have done what very few have. I've made it to AA, worked the steps, cleared up my last messes I made and don't make a whole lot of big ones nowadays but I know how to fix em and get on with life when the inevitable humps in the road come along. Nothing to be ashomaed of there. Now if the solution was staring me in the face and I needed it and let it go, well then I might have some regrets. :)
