Here's something I have been pondering over from some time.Since it was bothering me, and then, I read tuggboat's response to a new member in which he talks about past being best shared with one person(sponser),and also how all information is stored on google, it set me thinking again...Its time for me to share those.
I never bothered enough to hide the city I live in and also have been quite open about my sharings.I wonder now if this was a good idea.Is there any way I can edit some previos post of mine where I mentioned my city? I know for sure for certain people it wouldn't be difficult to understand my identity through my posts.Also it does make me a little uncomfortable to know that complete strangers with no connections with AA/MIP could be reading.(should I be bothered?)
I have a problem with meetings also.I am realising that going to my thursday meeting even can jeopardize my recovery- I have to travel a long way to go there, and its after my work, I reach home very late, tired and drained sometimes.There are times when meetings give me all this positive energy which helps me overcome these, but sometimes it needs more than extra effort to drag myself there.Last meeting, after my return, I almost slipped- not an excuse, but Iam sure the tiredness had a role to play-I had forced myself to go there.
I requested this woman to be my sponsor, but she has taken some time from me to think over it. I am awaiting her final response.I am sure deciding to be a sponsor is also a big thing for an AA member, and it takes some energy to positively commit.
Till I get a sponsor, MIP is my only solace(and even if I do, I want to be here).So how do I balance all this? When I say I really mean this guys, MIP has been a major driving constant force which is accessible to me 7 days/24 hours(if I choose to),and hence it has been helping me to put my self going in the program.There could be times when I would need more than internet interaction, but so far, I haven't missed it so much.(maybe because I haven't done my steps with anyone yet)
I need reflections/advice from you.
Nisha
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
Have to go to work so I can't answer the rest but I went and continue to go to real meetings as if my life depends on it. Umltimately its true. They are that important. Continue to go at all costs. Work life around the meetings instead of meetings around your life. They are that important.
Hey Nisha: Not all people will say yes to being your sponsor. Approach this woman and ask for a decision so you can move on if need be.. Dont let your feelings get hurt if she says no....Some people dont have the time or know how to sponsor someone.
As far as posting...If it is helping you, that is the bottom line! MIP has been my life line to sobriety and we do what it takes to stay sober. I wouldnt post my deep dark secrets on here but do feel free to share in a general way whats going on in my life! I too wouldnt want anyone knowing Im in AA at this point (probably didnt help to post my pic earlier) but I feel that the people who know me well enough, the ones I care about, are propbaly glad to see me on here or already know anyways. Were getting better and thats that!
I dont think we'd lose our jobs if our boss knew we were in AA but I can bet ya we'd lose our jobs if we didnt have sobriety and the fellowship of AA....
Sometimes our "disease" can make our mind work in funny ways. I think about some of the people Ive encountered in meetings that totally turn me off. I almost can convince myself that this isnt for me, Im not that bad! Thats why they tell us to stick with the winners and hang with people who have what we want! I also think sharing on here may help other people come to AA. This may be their only glimpse of what a wonderful happy life they can have!!!
Good luck! Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
edit your posts, if it makes you feel better. I'm not very anonymous, but then again I'm not a woman living in another country where civil rights are in question. I agree tugg, If possible I'd think of moving to the town that has the meetings.
With the growth of the internet, technology and data bases, we all have to get use to a different definition of the word "privacy". Keep in mind that you can still say what you want without readily identifying yourself. My sponsor was probably the single most important aid I had in my recovery, and I'm happy to now call him a friend. Do whatever you have to in order not to have the next drink...just make sure your being honest with yourself. Take care H.
I think I have decided to be careful in how I can maintain a certain level of anonymity while I post out here.And that wouldn't stop me from being honest. Thanks to Dan I have started deleting the parts of my earlier posts which worried me. That makes me feel better now.
Regarding moving to town with meetings, this was actually also a suggestion by my friends from a popular AA town. I reflected on it for a while.I probably am not in a situation which would allow me to move out.One, I need to be with the family and two, I have my professional commitments. I still wonder though if my alcoholic mind has got used to the 'comfort' of being with the 'familiar' things.
I agree Lani, that we as alcoholics stand more chances of losing jobs than keeping the if we weren't careful how we tread in AA. I have also had this feelings of 'I have not been that bad'..but now I am wise enough to know that these feelings could be illusions too.
I am still keeping my fingers crossed with the sponsor thing.Till then its the MIP, my fellow members here whom I can call, BB, and other literature which will help me carry on. I have some copies of the 'Grapevine' which has some of the greatest stories, it motivates me a lot.Thanks to a fellow member who lent them out to me.
Today another day of sobriety, thank you.
Nisha
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
