My Daily Reflection for 10th March says 'Today, its my choice' '........we invariably find at some time in the past that we made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt'.
Thisholdsso much true for myself.When I read this, I couldn't help feeling guilty for what I did in the past.Decisions taken which were uncalled for.Deeds done without any remorse then.I accept today that I had a major part to play in all destructive events which happenned.It makes me feel angry and bitter too.Why did I bring down so much hurt on myself? Why I was trying to play God?
Today I choose to be sober, and, not angry, not being self-destructive.I am trying to feel the gratitude for what I ahve in life, and not feel terrible about what I lost.But its damn difficult to keep feeling like that always! These are my bad moments, my trying emotions which are playing with me.Now is the time to remain calm and strong.These are hurdles in my recovery.These emotions will baffle me. I cannot handle these memories now.I will leave them for future when I am more strong.Now, as another member said, I got to 'fake it until I make it.'
I hope rest of my day, the first of a very important week goes on well.
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The most practical, beautiful, workable philosophy won't work- if you won't.
It took me a long time to begin to give up all my self-centeredness, and I still have to remember at times not to slip back into that "What about me?!?" mentality.
-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 14:55, 2008-03-10
I remember while reading the Big Book I would highlight the parts that I got, that spoke to me. One time this old timer looking over at my book noticed all the multicoloured highlighted areas and smiled. He then said, "I think you can dip the whole book with one of those pens."
You know what? He was right. So much of what I needed to learn was right there.
It's absolutely wonderful that you went to today's reflection and found what you needed. It looks like you're building a good, solid foundation for your program. You are learning to help yourself ... how cool is that?
It took me a long time to begin to give up all my self-centeredness, and I still have to remember at times not to slip back into that "What about me?!?" mentality.
-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 14:55, 2008-03-10
I was amazed when I found out that self centereness caused my self loathing.
