Serenity NOOOOWWWW! Mine's on the line!

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Serenity NOOOOWWWW! Mine's on the line!

jonijoni · MIP Old Timer

Call someone right now to fill in as your temporary sponsor. Call someone right now, Doll. I know you have more than enough phone numbers... do not let your brain try to "weed out" everyone on your phone list for this reason or that.... just pick up the phone, and get F2F with another alcoholic right now.

Whatever that lady said about your relationship, well, that was just her "opinion", based on limited facts that you were giving while you were angry. Keep that in mind. Let her go... and let the anger go, for now.

And remember... the biggest thing you fear about your recovery, or that guy, or work, or whatever, is just that: "fear". It is not a reality. I know you don't want to hear this, but there is a reason for everything that happens. There is a lesson right now in all of this. Please reach out today and let someone in AA who is closeby help you sort this one out. I know you can, Doll. Keep posting too. I care about you, just as we all do. You have helped me many times before, and I will certainly be thinking of you and saying prayers for you today, you can bet on it.

I will be on and off computer today, so PM me if you'd like. I am all ears, Doll.

Love,
Joni

Tuggboat · Senior Member

Your sobriety is threatening their drinking. Joni Had a lot of good stuff just now. I would add to remember why you got sober. 1st step. In fact I would like to say that often in 4,5,6,7,8,9 we forget about 123. Go back to 1,2,3.

Step eight is made a list, step nine is make the amends. If your not writing the list or the Amends then 123 is what you need to be doing

2 is often underated by the way. Often I catch myself, I have quit believing God can restore me to sanity and think its on my shoulders. One coould argue that I fail to recognize unmanageabilty so its step one but it is usually when I ask myself this question that sanity return.

"Do I really believe God can restore me to sanity?" often the truthful answer is , "NO!"

Do not be dependent on friends approval of your sobriety. You may not or probably will not get it while they still drink. Actually by having friends that are possibly Alcoholic you could qualify for Al-Anon but good meetings are far and few between.

Pray for the oldtimer.

Your beans are spilled. Might as well collect a couple guys phone numbers in case this guy asks for a 12th step. Your a chick, Don't get into that without another guy. Actually I would just have central office phone number, meeting list and two willing AA members. You know the drill, if he wants it he will make the phone calls.

John sounds classic AL-Anon. helpful but misguided. He can't help since he's not one of us but his testimony of you didn't hurt . :)

Come to think of it, why don't you relax and thank God for a possible opportunity to do his will. This could be a blessing.

In fact I have a suggestion, why don't you try to rewrite your post from a grateful attitude like

Hey Gang, today I was blessed, my sick Al-Anon deprived man blew my anonymity and has given me the opportuntity to show God and sobriety working in my life and an oldtimer gave me a chance to excercise my forgiving and prayer skills Blah blah blah .:)

Ain't life grand?? biggrin

Well Got to go see my oxycontin addicted mother. I am so grateful she is out of pain, Yours and other helped me see the good side of it. I hope I returned the favor.

If not I guess you can just reach across the internet, smak me with your purse and throw my only bike key in the sewer drain and I'll do hip hop sound effects while you walk away.

Don't drink, go to another meeting (the hair of the dog that bit you), One Day at a Time. This too shall pass, Don't quit five minutes before the miracle happens.!

-- Edited by Tuggboat at 13:21, 2008-03-09

learning · MIP Old Timer

Jen,
You already know I am here for you. (Another reply to the PM).
Joni's suggestion......call someone else to share since your sponsor is out of town.
And you can pm me again.
AH has told some whoppers of lies about me. Initial reaction, hurt PISSED OFF just like you. Then I asked myself why am I letting him get to me. He can tell all he wants I KNOW what is truth. As for this "not nice guy"........allow him the privilege to say what he wants about AA. AH,too, did that when he had to take classes after his DUI. The bulk of the class met up after at the bar afterwards and made fun of it all!!!! Some even drove to the bar even on suspended licenses! I once told AH that I had got involved with AA. His reaction "GOOD for you!!!!!" Have to agree.
Me personally, I think I might've told this person "Don't knock it 'til you try it. And yes I am an alcoholic. I wanted a better life and more out of life than what alcohol was givin' me."
As for those he terms "whores", I'm inclined to believe he's probably left a tavern or two with
the likes. Every tavern, bar scene, alcoholic event has usually one. And that would leave him no room to be judging and probably as bad a reputation. (This of course, does not mean
that every woman who drinks is easy.)
Don't allow him to lay a guilt trip on you with his bull. You have come to far. You have
inspired me and others. By you setting this example, you are taken away his power to have
"control" over you.
Joni is probably right. When you spoke to that woman she based her opinion solely on
your words and probably your attitude. I too would let go of the anger. We sometimes
gotta watch ourselves when giving information. It can so easily be misinterrupted.
You have tons of support and love here. May be a short trip to the gym to work off the
stress.
Here for you my friend as you have been for me.
Love,
Wanda

eastcoastscott · Senior Member

Wow Jen,

I have to admire your courage and wisdom to come on here at a time like this. If it were me, I'd drop everything and focus on myself...only. Letting all those people around you rent space in your head is fatal !!!
Is it possible to just tune them all out, even temporarily and change the scenery for a bit? You can't change any of them I bet, just let God deal with them for now, you are too important and you can control how you handle yourself in this critical time. A smoke and/or drink let's THEM win....I know that you already know all this stuff, do whatever you can to win this one!

Scott

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hey Doll!
Your in my prayers girl! Hate when I get to feeling like you are! It does drive you crazy! Great advise from all and I think the best is, call an AA friend, gets some coffee , hit a meeting!

Used to drive me crazy when I'd go to a meeting, all stressed out, just waiting to spill my troubles on the table, aabd someone before me raises their habd and has some bigger problem than mine! I'd just sit back, listen to the talk from others and BAM.....My problem wasnt that bad after all!!!
Kinda puts that serenity and gratotude back in my life!

You got lots of support and friends here! Way to use them and move forward! Find something nice to do for you!!!!
Lani

Sept_19_2002 · Veteran Member

Hi Doll,

This stuff is tuff. If you're like me getting sober and clean was really hard, something I don't know if I could ever find the strength to do again so I concentrate my energy on keeping the sobriety I have.

I often find it's ironic that within these rooms being a recovering alcoholic is a badge of honour and outside of them the adjective recovering is suddenly silent. It's taken me a long time to learn to chose when I introduce the word alcoholic in conversation. Today the only time I use it is when I think that the person I'm talking to needs to hear something about alcoholism for either themselves or for a loved one. I do then because I have to give back what was given to me. I owe and I owe large.

For me, I have had to look hard and long within myself to find the courage to accept that my handicap , my alcoholism and addiction filters what I can do and who I can share my life with. I've been blessed with people in my life today who don't suffer from the disease and can accept me for who I am in front of them. I've also been blessed with this program with the tools to help share who I am with these people that love me.

As for the others that don't understand I have to let my Higher Power handle that - it's too big of a job for me to even contemplate taking on. With the love I have found in this program, I look for strength to be grateful that the people who don't understand never have to suffer like I did. This gives me peace because their ignorance is bliss and they are safe.

I have learned to trust that I can only change me - and that was tuff enuff.

Thanks for being here. You're doing all the right things smile

Sick of being sick · MIP Old Timer

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.....
(everything that has occurred; everything that I have said and done, everything others have said and done, anything that has happened to me in the past, right up to this moment. And anything that someone else may say about me in the future.)

Courage to change the things I can.....
(stand tall, go forward on the path that I know is right, be above the petty assaults/insults of others, choose to continue to grow and better myself regardless of the storms and tumult that may rage about me.)

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Praying for your peace Jen,

-Dan

I am working on a mental image right now of an angel enfolding you in her wings.

-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 20:40, 2008-03-09

-- Edited by Sick of being sick at 20:50, 2008-03-09

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Thank you all so much. As always, feeling better. Getting it out there really works! Knowing someone understands helps so much. It still amazes me.

I actually called 3 women on my list, which is a miracle for me, I feel guilty for this but I NEVER call anyone other than my sponsor, and that took some doing in the beginning. And got 3 voice mails! No one has called me back yet!

Sooooooo. I went to a meeting and just listened (heard some great things that had nothing whatever to do with my problem at hand) and then I drove to GA and woke up John (he's still pulling overtime nightshift). We had a GREAT talk. It was one of those conversations where I looked at him while I was speaking and saw the concern and love on his face and in his eyes. I was reminded once again why I love him! He really didn't know it wasn't OK with me to talk about my disease with other people.

"Gary" is not actually a friend. He's really just someone Johns' worked with for 20yrs and it works out that we split a condo with him in Myrtle Beach annually. That's the only time I ever see him and we usually eat out one night with him if his wife happens to show up. Other than that I do my best to keep my distance... John is such an upstanding guy, he tries to befriend any and all that he can. You'd really have to know him and understand his convictions. He's probably the only person I know outside of AA who practices living a good life and leads by example. He's a good old GA boy and his momma raised him right. I want to be just like him when I grow up! What the Hell he ever saw in me I have no clue.

It comes down to exactly what Joni said "FEAR"! My good old sidekick! Why else would I give a flip, what someone who does not influence my life, think of me! As for the 'oldtimer' - she's not actually an oldtimer. She's been in the program for 20 yrs but drinks between meetings. She shared this today and picked up a white chip! I couldn't help it, I snickered! Mostly at myself, but some at her! Ooops! Then I said a prayer for her.

Step 1 is the only one I must do 100% and I truely believe I have.... I will be sitting down with the 12&12 in a minute for 2 & 3 again. Maybe there's some truth in having doubts....

Thank you all for being here.......This place and each of you are truely a gift and a blessing. Gee! What I"d be missing out on if I were not an alcoholic...

Much love and a go-zillion (((hugs))))

~ Jen

-- Edited by Doll at 22:26, 2008-03-09

learning · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jen,
Thought of you most of the afternoon. Just got home and checked in. Glad you are feeling better. Most of all it's nice to know John and you were able to talk through those
feelings in a loving manner. Here's to AA!!!! What a blessing in so many ways!
Wanda

Tuggboat · Senior Member

Glad to hear your on track. Glad you and John are good too. :)

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jen,

sorry a little late on this one. and late is also what it is for you to do anything about this. john f'ed up for sure but oh well, I'm sure that you've been called worse than a recovering AA. I know how you feel, I'd like to tell you that you're entitled but there's that "justifiable anger" clause in our 12 & 12 and how we're supposed to "leave that to those more qualified to handle it". So where does that leave you? S.O.B.S. said it..... acceptance.
It is what it is, and it can't be otherwise. Oh sure, you can educate, punish, and try to prevent John from doing it again but this one's a done deal. Just gotta say "F'em if they can't take a joke" and move on. Eat some ice cream and go to bed early, laugh about it tomorrow.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Well done, Jen. I'm glad you're feeling better. It's been a great opportunity to exercise your fellowship too. It'll be interesting to see how your friendships with those 3 members are developed & explored when they call you back. These are more gifts in the journey. Another taught you some compassion & humility around our white~chip lady. Something I'm realising about myself is that no matter what's going on around me or how I feel about it I can blow it up with my emotions & the funny thing is.. It always passes & is improved on in some way even if only by my growth as a result of. This has helped me to appreciate 1Day@aTime more & that although this day is all I have, it's not the be all & end all. Tomorrow's issues may well be different but just as important. Your signature alludes to the same :) Although our feelings are important & matter lots, this also helps to right size stuff for me & calm me down or at least not panic so much anyway! My Dad blew my anonymity in front of me to his Social Worker (who works in a similar field within the same small city as me). I was mortified & deeply embarressed for a flush or two. The SW was kind in saying he'd been along to Al Anon as he was worried about his wife but had felt it wasn't for him & left it there. My upset was from the fear of what I thought he might think about me stigmawise & scared about what would happen if he shared that info with other professionals I could have to work with in the future. Looking at it now I know that was hooking into my own shame & low self~esteem. I have a healthy respect & pride for myself, today, as I do for others who work well with their programs. It's another course for a different horse & I don't mind today. I firmly & gently asserted to my Dad how important my anonymity is to me & to please respect that in future. How can anyone else know what Tradition 12 means for our spirituality? It's such deep stuff ~ To us. I'm glad it's worked out for you & John with your heartfelt chat, Jen. Who's to know, fear aside, what message has impacted on your mutual aquaintance.. Everything happens for a reason. I hope you can enjoy your peace. You deserve & have worked for it. Thanks for sharing with us instead of taking that first drink. Not to be underappreciated! Just for Today, Danielle x

jonijoni · MIP Old Timer

Rock on, Jen. If you keep making the RIGHT choices like this, then I will surely have to follow suit, eh? Thanks for helping this little alkie too, by your example.
((((hugs))))
Joni

Phil · MIP Old Timer

Hmmm...sorry Im a bit late..:)

The words "How Important Is It" "Let It Go" and "The Best Reaction..Is No Reaction"..come to mind.

Your situation might be different....but my personal thoughts on it..are..

I really dont care who knows Im in a program of recovery..

Most of them knew me when I drank....and Im sure they would rather see me sober then drunk.

As for others close to me...or people on the street?

Im at a stage where..I just Let It Go.

People places and things...can affect my serenity...only if I react..try to change situations that involve others...or try to take control with anger involved.

I find serenity...when I just stay in my own space.....and it really doesnt matter what others say..or think.:)

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jen
Hopefully all is better! You shared some great stuff and what a learning experience for all of us!
Being fairly new, I too, have this huge FEAR of people knowing I go to AA! But, great share Phil! They all knew me as a drunk before...Alcohol on my breath, sometimes drunk, at school functions or family parties. Yeah, they all loved that!

I went to a huge high school and worked at a huge hospital. It is sooo funny to me to see sooo many people I know at meetings. Most of them I partied with in the past and we all agree we should have been in AA years ago! High school perhaps!!!

Yes I hate that people know Im in AA for now, but I'll be dog goned if I let that fact mess with my sobriety! Way to go!

Lani