In the first days of A.A.. I wasn't much bothered about the areas of my life in which I was standing still. There was always the alibi: "After all," I said to myself, "Im far too busy with much more important matters." That was my near perfect prescription for comfort and complacency.
How many of us would presume to declare, "Well, I'm sober and I'm happy. What more could I want, or do? I'm fine the way I am." We know that the price of such self-satisfaction is an inevitable backslide, punctuated at some point by a rude awakening. We have to grow or else deteriorate. For us, the status quo can only be for today, never for tomorrow. Change we must; we cannot stand still.
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
after your first year, the saying "if you stayed sober today you're a winner" does not apply anymore. We have to "continue to grow along spiritual lines", but also mentally, emotionally, and physically. Bill and Dr. Bob, in so many words incourages us to be all that we can be. To me that means pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone, so that we can grow.
Since Dean's dry drunk post I have been working on rejecting poverty instead of money. :) I don't know what step, I guess it would be eleven but it may come down to a mini 4 and 5. I've had the gratitude and feeling of sharing in God's abundance and grace kicked out of me a few times. It seems active drunks don't like me at work. To get along I often act somber, mean and serious. I am praying for a conversion to a grateful heart that cannot be rocked. I don't know if I was on a wrong basis at the other joyous times in my life but I am starting to see it as an obstruction to preparing myself to be of utmost service to God and other human beings. I have few needs but I'm not sure an ascetic lifestyle sets a great example for other drunks looking for something more out of sobriety.
They usually try to arrest me or fire me when I get real happy. :) hahahaha
Tugg, you're a better man than I am. I was a terrible employee drunk or sober, but probably worse sober. After losing 3 jobs in the first 6 months of sobriety, I became self employed (along with self unemployed ) and have been so ever since. And with the grace of God, I'll continue to work for myself the next 15 years. As far as those drunks at work, buy 'em a bottle of booze for christmas, you'll be the big friend after that.
Got my own truck but customers are drunks too. Lots of alcoholism around the railroads I found out. Short haul trucking can be bad too. Lots of drunks congregate around dump trucks or other situations not to far from a drink. Just the opposite in over the road long haul. Thats actually not a bad place to be if you want to stay sober. These local drivers vendors and customers are like the construction industry. You know how us guys congregate around freedom and irresponsibility.
Well I took a look at the conditions surrounding my last three turns towards my predominate state. I don't play well with active drunks in authority. My weakness is trying to stay and endure instead of just moving on. You'd think that would be a good thing but it turns out, at least in my case that they can drag me right down to their level of miserableness. They think I don't deserve better and I think I subconciously buy into the idea cause self esteem was always in short supply until I got sober anyhow.
Thats all bullshit though. The defect is not being able to see, act and participate in God's gracous abundance around us. I see it, comment on it and even thank him for it but I somehow know deep inside that I ain't good enough to do more than look at it.
Well it doesn't even look like I can describe this but that doesn't surprise me. Its new territory in some new ways. If I could describe the problem, I could pray for it rightly. I don't even know what to pray for but right now its a cross between a sincerly grateful heart and something to do with giving myself permission to feel joy.I'm beyond human aid I guess. :)
Hey Tug, Sorry to hear youre struggling. Your in my prayers. You sound like a wonderful person, and funny, and I hate to think you hold all that back at work. What a struggle it is! Look at 24 hrs a day and quetzal posts for the day. They have your name all over them. I dont think I could come up with anything better than the message in those posts!
Hang in there! It gets better! After all, we do sow what we reap!!!
And, you are better than all that!!!!!
Lani
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
) and have been so ever since. And with the grace of God, I'll continue to work for myself the next 15 years. As far as those drunks at work, buy 'em a bottle of booze for christmas, you'll be the big friend after that.