Experiencing feelings can be a challenge if we've had no previous experience or permission to do that. Learning to identify what we're feeling is a challenge we can meet, but we will not become experts overnight. Nor do we have to deal with our feelings perfectly.
Here are some ideas that might be helpful as you learn to recognize and deal with feelings:
Take out a sheet of paper. On the top of it write, "If it was okay to feel whatever I'm feeling, and I wouldn't be judged as bad or wrong, what would I be feeling?" Then write whatever comes to mind. You can also use the favorite standby of many people in discovering their feelings: writing or journaling. You can keep a diary, write letters you don't intend to send, or just scribble thoughts onto a note pad.
Watch and listen to yourself as an objective third person might. Listen to your tone of voice and the words you use. What do you hear? Sadness, fear, anger, happiness?
What is your body telling you? Is it tense and rigid with anger? Running with fear? Heavy with sadness and grief? Dancing with joy?
Talking to people in recovery helps too. Going to meetings helps. Once we feel safe, many of us find that we open up naturally and with ease to our feelings.
We are on a continual treasure hunt in recovery. One of the treasures we're seeking is the emotional part of ourselves. We don't have to do it perfectly. We need only be honest, open, and willing to try. Our emotions are there, waiting to share themselves with us.
Today, I will watch myself and listen to myself as I go through my day. I will not judge myself for what I'm feeling; I will accept myself.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Well, I've been busy this week while I've been 'away'. I spent most of it in abit of a drama, sweet talking a guy I've liked for a little while. We're friends & share in a spiritual pursuit but more than that there is nothing by way of compatibility. He was gentle & honest & told me he wanted to stay friends & not be the confidant I'd asked him for. I wasn't saying I wanted anything more from him than to share my thoughts & get to know him (tho I guess with a view for the future!) I told him, in so many words, I had feelings for him & he said he had feelings for another. The exchange was dealt with kindly & it hasn't ruined anything in the way of friendship but I have to admit to myself now that despite the fear of it not turning out as I hoped & the relief of my advance not spoiling our friendship, it's still disappointing. I wasn't allowing myself to feel disappointed but deep down my heart knew it & my head took advantage cuz I wasn't accepting that. I wrote the following entry in my journal after having a chat with my flatmate. He really helped me to recognise & accept my feelings & it had the wonderful effect of placing me right slap bang safely into the centre of my present. It was wonderful.
God sent me a messenger in the early hours this morning. I was in my bed with the racing head & the thoughts were spiralling down. Shows so much how I am not God; cannot be God; yet can have God & receive God. My friend came to me & asked 'What's up?' knowing by my look I was disturbed. I said I couldn't sleep; that my head was spinning & that my inferiority complex was having a field day & kicking me while I was down. He put it simply & reminded me I was disappointed & to allow myself that, even though I'd said I was relieved.. I told him my thoughts had turned in on me & I'd come to the answer "What would God do?" to help let go (of wanting to control.) My friend laughed & said "but you're not God, you're human." I know this, I laughed too & said "Yes".. He said it was natural to feel disappointment no matter what I said about it. I suddenly realised, in trying to avoid my feelings, my head had taken over & that inner~critic was taking advantage. Somehow; on some level, I was angry because I wasn't listening to my feelings. I was listening to my head yet my head knew I wanted to feel sad. But, not sad in a selfpitying way but in a sad way. In a mourning loss in disappointment way & I wasn't allowing it so it used my head against me to feel sad but for the wrong reason. It's simpler than that. I only needed to feel the simplest emotion for the right reason.
SKY . SEA . MOON . STAR . MOUNTAIN . RIVER . TREE . SUN . LOVE IS EVERYTHING
I learned it's ok to feel simple disappointment or anything for its own sake. I don't have to hide from these feelings by rationalising with my head. If I don't recognise & give myself permission to feel pain it has to have an outlet someway. And with my illness being what it is, it will find a way to make me feel 'bad' anyway. So, it will do this by telling me how bad I am, how inferior, how small, how inept, how pitiful.. For the desired result. When really, in this instant, I could have allowed myself to accept the original & honest pain for itself & moved on. I don't need to let the head get a desperate foothold to take it anywhere else. My feelings have rights! My thoughts can get messy! lol Thank God for recovery. Thanks for this post & the opportunity to share. Blesses for you, Qx & everybody here, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
