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Post Info TOPIC: Any Lawyers Here?
Phil


MIP Old Timer

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Any Lawyers Here?
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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are taken, word for word, from actual court transcripts:

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS:    No, I just lay there.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS:    Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS:    Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS:     I forget.

ATTORNEY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you?

WITNESS:    He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS:    My name is Susan!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS:   Did you actually pass the bar exam?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS:    Uh, he's twenty-one.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS:    Are you shit'n me?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS:    Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS:    Uh....I was getting laid!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS:   Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS:    None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS:   You're kidding, right? Your Honor, I think
I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS:    By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS:    Now, whose death do you suppose terminated
it?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS:    He was about medium height and had a
beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS:    Guess.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS:    No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS:  All my autopsies were performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that question?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?

WITNESS:    Oral.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS:    The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS:    No, he was sitting up on the table
wondering why I was doing
an autopsy on him!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS:    Huh....are you qualified to ask that
question?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And now, the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS:   No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS:    No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS:    No

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS:    No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS:    Because his brain was sitting on my desk
in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS:   Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and
practicing law.

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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
learning


MIP Old Timer

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Sad this is truth............but sooooooo funny! LOL

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destinydreamer


Senior Member

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What a relief...Phil when I first saw the subject "any lawyers here" I thought you got into trouble!! You got me nervous! Once I read it I loved it though!! haha funny

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Quetzal


MIP Old Timer

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That is so funny, Phil. I love it! Thanks for posting.

Take care,

Carol



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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
artenejiuvvo4pnwh


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Hello, I am looking for a wrongful death attorney in Atlanta. I need a lawyer who specializes in such cases and has experience in protecting the rights and interests of clients in such situations. Please advise me where I can find a reliable and experienced attorney who can help with this difficult matter. Thank you!

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KieranWallace


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Hello! If you are looking for a wrongful death attorney in Atlanta, it is important to find someone with experience and expertise in this area. You can start your search by contacting local law firms that specialize in medical malpractice and victims' rights.



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artenejiuvvo4pnwh


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KieranWallace wrote:

Hello! If you are looking for a wrongful death attorney in Atlanta, it is important to find someone with experience and expertise in this area. You can start your search by contacting local law firms that specialize in medical malpractice and victims' rights.

 Do you have any lawyers like that in mind? Perhaps you have already used the services of lawyers and can recommend someone?



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KieranWallace


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KieranWallace wrote:

Hello! If you are looking for a wrongful death attorney in Atlanta, it is important to find someone with experience and expertise in this area. You can start your search by contacting local law firms that specialize in medical malpractice and victims' rights.

For your inquiry about finding a wrongful death attorney in Atlanta, I recommend looking at the law firm of Kermani LLP. They are experienced in protecting the rights and interests of clients in wrongful death cases and specialize in such cases. Their website, https://www.kermanillp.com/atlanta/wrongful-death-lawyer, provides information about the company and their services, and you can contact them for a consultation and further assistance. Hopefully, this will help you find a reliable and experienced attorney for your matter. If you have any further questions, don't hesitate to get in touch!



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