From a recent post I went back in time to early sobriety. For the record, I love meetings that have a lot of newcomers; they always seem to teach me something. Whether it’s from the insanity we came from or remembering my own early struggles.

You listen to a newcomer and many (myself included) will easily ADMIT to being an alcoholic. But as you listen there is some planning and plotting on how we can continue to drink as an alcoholic.

I tried many ways; I quit drinking and just smoked pot. I only drank after work, then only before work. I’d try limiting my amount every day, and my own personal best and by far my most insane I’d only drink when I was driving. Yeah, you read that ride. At the time it was quite logical.

For me, admitting to being an alcoholic was easy. I did it many times at closing time. That last drink, saying to myself “that’s it, I’m an alcoholic, and tomorrow, I’ll quit.” And the insanity would start all over again.

Then watch my now ex-wife cry from the verbal abuse I put her through, every time by the end of the night apologizing saying “I’m an alcoholic, tomorrow I’ll quit.”

I could admit it easily – I knew it – but somehow I continued to try and “make it work.” It wasn’t till I was ready to ACCEPT the fact that being an alcoholic, meant I couldn’t control my drinking. That no plan was going to work, if it involved alcohol.

When I accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic, then I could start on my sobriety and work the program. Admittance came first, but for me, it wasn’t going to work until I accepted that fact.

So while we may admit to being an alcoholic, in my opinion, nothing much will change until we accept it. And with acceptance some harsh realities had to take place. For me, it was the end of a marriage, the loss of many “drinking buddies,” and a change of jobs and location.

With acceptance I learned that, for awhile, everything had to be put on hold or abandoned, because nothing would be possible without my sobriety.

creating dreams, from the nightmares of hell...