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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> i need you..
Post Info TOPIC: i need you..
wantneeda


MIP Old Timer

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i need you..
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namaste'



i had one of the best and worst days of my life yesterday



i've been taking a career planning workshop this week...i think i finally know what i want to be when i grow up



really my ultimate goal....is to 'Live who I Am'-in peace, luv and harmony



i've gotten much closer this week to narrowing down the field of what i want to be when i grow up. Frick, it only took me to reach 40 years old....but i had to go where i went to get to where i am. :)



so i stayed up till 2 am this morning finishing up a draft plan to give my instructor...it was like that last 2 hours it all came together...honestly i'm still in shock, i just about fell off my chair!



so in the meantime....at the beginning of this week i told my boyfriend...well i guess i tried to forewarn him of what kind of mood i'd be in this week..ya know, stuck in my head, my world....distant, busy disecting, myself , my life, etc. and that it wasn't him i just needed some space this week, but i just needed to know that he would be there for me. Well his answer was that he completely understood where i was coming from, honestly from that moment on it seemed like he didn't understand in the least. but i persevered and tried to stay focused. Meanwhile really i was getting annoyed and frustrated with  him....



so i tell him last night what i want to be when i grow up, i'm sooo excited about it. I've struggled with this my whole life..,.its huge for me really!!!!



honest to God, he didn't even crack a smile........



and because i've been distant this week, our sexlife i guess has  been affected. I told him this weekend i'd make it up to him...



well i don't think he heard that last part,



He's a good addict....totally self absorbed, self centered, egotistical....blah, blah, blah. I don't need to take his inventory now do i...



Well 2 am and he's yelling around for me to get out, we are over ,done. I refused to argue with him which i think made him angrier....meanwhile his 13 year old daughter and roommate are, i'm guessing NOT sleeping upstairs....i felt embarrassed



i am supposed to find somewhere else to live TODAY



i am in shock



i'm broke



my addiction wants me bad!!!!!!!!!



i have too much to do, to fall again now



i need you



hugs, Wendy




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No step is taken without a decision
Phil


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 2063
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Hey...


I guess the normal thing to do, would be to pick up a drink....hope you dont do that...doesnt solve anything..


I do know..that we are here for you any way we can be....Lean on us...


Any AA freinds you could stay with in your area?  Where theres a will..theres a solution...


Stay cool gal... stay cool....We care....



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"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
Wren


MIP Old Timer

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Wow, Wendy, alot to deal with all at once. I might suggest Catholic Charities, don't know what city you live in, but there are also emergency funds for General Relief through Human Services in many areas, where you can get a voucher to get you into a room somewhere while you figure out what you're doing. There's also local missions that have may have housing. I would look under "Social Service Agencies" in your yellow pages. You call one number, tell them your problem, and if nothing else, they can refer you. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this at this time.


In the meantime, I think that's so cool that you've made a decision about where you are going regarding your future. Hang onto your plans, and how good you feel about what you've done, the direction you've chosen to take, the whole excitment of being able to do this now. These choices made in the freedom of sobriety? are all yours. Should you get frustrated and use again, then those choices all go out the window. Please don't let another person's disease steal your own sobriety. Do what's right for you. And let us know what's going on in the interim. I know, when you get thrown a curve ball like this, your mind (or mine, anyway) goes manic and it's impossible for me to get a straight thought out. Deep breathing, reach your center, and then start making calls so that you feel you have some other options, is my suggestion. I do hope this helps a little? In the meantime, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Everything will turn out the way it should. Call your sponsor, your AA friends, and most importantly give the fear to God, and have faith that all will be ok. love, Chris



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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Dave Harm


Senior Member

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Oh Wendy -

It does seem that things happen so fast in our lives that we become overwhelmed. I know I used to feel that way. Not great words of advice except we both know that feeding addiction might bring a little relief, but in the long run, it will only make things worse.

Don't forget your dreams and your goals... it's your future

in my prayers,
Dave

creating dreams from the nightmares of hell...

__________________
"A busy mind is a sick mind.  A slow mind, is a healthy mind.  A still mind, is a divine mind." - Native American Centerness

Creating Dreams, from the nightmares of hell...
Quetzal


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 2654
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Hi Wendy,

It would be so easy for you pick up a drink again. But, you are stronger than that. You are worth vastly more than any darned drink. As Phil said, it doesn't solve a thing.

I recently thought I was going to lose everything that was dear and important to me. By the grace of God, my AA friends and this forum I didn't drink. You don't need to drink.

You will get through this. And, you have many friends here on this forum who are all here for you. Please know that.

Hugs,

Carol

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Jo


Veteran Member

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Wendy,


Hang on to your dreams. Hold on to your self.  Don't let go. Hang on, it will and does get better if you let it.  Just stay away from that first drink.  I'm 42 and in my first semester of college.  I hung in there long enough to get here.  I let people care about me until I could learn to care about myself.  I use the program.  I use this board.  I am learning to let people love me as I learn to love myself.  Please hang in there. 


The only way it can get better is if you hold onto your dreams and take the steps toward them.  I could analyze why he acted like that, but thats only my opinion.  What I know for sure is that last year I never would have guessed that my Higher Power would see fit to have me in college to go for my dreams.  Now I have enough love for myself to do the work.  And that work includes staying sober and clean one day at a time.  It does and will get better.  I had to change absolutely everything about my old life.  And God has put in its place love, friendship, hope, school, lessons, and a life I am proud of.  Listen to us who care. 


Hugs to you/ Jo



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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
wantneeda


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 634
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wow


my family, from my heart to yours, i thank you and hope for you's...heartsmiles today:)


ya know what??


i poured a beer yesterday...one baby sip...poured it into the toilet


a few minutes later...


poured another one....


made me sick, just looking at it...


had to play the tape to the end.........poured that one in the toilet to....flushed...carried on


today i'm keepin' on keepin' on.


now at the library...its my only internet connection...that is hard in itself!!! I'm addicted to the net!!!!!!! Great...ANOTHER ADDICTION!!!!!!!!! lol....at least this one won't kill me...hmmm...it could make my life unmanageable though....but so is not having it available!!!


one day...one thing at a time!!!


so i decided to go to my last day of the career workshop yesterday...was determined to finish what i started. My instructor gave me 100%!! :)


I called the transition house for women when i got where i used to call home...ya...they got me a cab and i have a roof over my head at least.


i brought up the topic of gratitude at the detox meeting this morning. Grateful that the house pays for my cab to meetings when no bus is available. Saw an old using buddy who is in detox...glad to kow he's alive today....maybe you could add those suffering in and out of the program to your prayers.


I was fortunate to get a ride from the detox, as it is just on the outskirts of the city, downtown to the library. Heard what i needed to hear.....imagine that eh??.....i don't need to pray for a job, a home...blah, blah.....just simply help, turn my will, and  my life over, keep me clean and sober today.


And simply have faith


so easy to say...


practice makes correction:)


plan to go to a birthday meeting tonight...one lady has 33 years , one guy has 5 years


inspiration


thankyou so much for being here


will check in again tomorrow...if not monday for sure


they only give me 1 hour to sit on the computer..but hey...i'm grateful


yours in recovery


peace and luv


Wendy


pssst Phil....thanks buddy, the house gave me a $5.00 phone card, i just may give u a call later



__________________
No step is taken without a decision
Phil


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 2063
Date:
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Hey.....


You might not be back on here till tomorrow or Monday...but Im sure that we are all glad to hear that you are doing ok...and thats what matters..


Save your phone card for a rainy day...


Just call collect...1-519-369-5631...


If one of my daughters answers..and Im not here....leave a number where you can be reached...and Ile get back to you ASAP...


Im sure that there are a few others here that would like to get in touch with you too...


Hang Tough...


Lookin up....



__________________
"LOVE" devoid of self-gratification, is in essence, the will, to the greatest good...of another.
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