some thing has sparked the old insecuritys off with me, and I am making music 247, to once again "prove to the world im impotant" (big book)
I dont know why. I was doing so well then I think its because my brother has gone on a trip for 9 months across the world, and on the leaving party he made me feel real small, my revenge was to do as good as I could and I feel really tired now. I dont want to "take it easy" for the rest of my life. why did I have to be an alky? and why do I still suffer from mental illness after all these years?
I know that being around certain members of my family can trigger old stuff so easily. And as much as you might hate to read these words, many people tell them to me. "No one can make me feel anything." No one has the power. If I feel something it is because I believe it or put some one else's opinion ahead of my Higher Power or my own.
I can to relate to illness. Mental and physical. And sometimes I really wonder what kind of life I signed up for. But mostly I come to realize that I am really not all that bad when i take good care of myself and act in ways that make me feel good about me. I am going through some learning lessons now about my behaviors. All I know is that no one made me feel anything. If I felt it it was becuase I chose to.
You take care of yourself. Be really kind to yourself. I send you hugs.
Jo
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
hi, Robert,,, some of the members of my family are great put down experts also. Some people feel they have to do that to feel special themselves.. like it is a competition or something,, with 'winners' and 'losers' and if they paint me out to be a loser then that means they are winners. The above poster is right in that we don't have to buy into that. I do understand, though, that when it comes from early childhood that even now those 'old tapes' can get triggered and we go right back in the time tube to that old stuff.
Time to come up with some new tapes, and that is what the 12 Step program does. "Progress and not perfection" "Do your best and God does the rest". Sibling rivalry is a common thing, but often two siblings have very different character and physical traits so it's like comparing apples and oranges.
There is a saying here in AA now... "I don't have to do that any more."
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
went through alot of my time worried about what other people thought. Trying to please others, well then I realized that until I stood my ground. Then I would be caught in that cycle for the rest of what I thought was excepted as a part of life.
Now that I've been in the program, I've learned to stand my ground and be honest with myself and ask my higher power for guidance.
Looks like it has all been said, Robert, but I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. Amanda was right on about her statement about competition. Alot of people do use others to make them feel better about themselves, and that's sad for them. Life is not about winning and losing, it's about how we take the journey. You've been thru alot the last ten months, and I think you have come out right on top, and you didn't use anyone else as a step to do so. Give yourself the credit you deserve. It's all about you and your Higher Power. Others are just incidental when all is said and done. Don't try and own someone elses problems, Robert. It isn't you, it's them. Big hug, Chris
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
