I've been struggling lately with so many things. But mainly I have realized that since I've sobered up a began to clean up my life I have been striving to reach this invisible bar that is right up there with - oh lets say - Mother Theresa.
I have major health issues, other problems and addictions that I am getting help for, and most of all realizing that I am a mere human. I tend to read some of these post and take them to the extreme. Oh that says be kind, that says be happy, that says this and that. I have finally realized that I am me. I have problems and issues. I do not go around purposely hurting anyone, and I finally don't keep going back to the people who continuously hurt me. I am learning to set boundaries and most of all let myself be a regular "JO". When I am physically ill like today, I know that it is better to wrap myself in a blanket and leave the world to itself. I am finally understanding how to be kind to me. To put me first, to nurture me, and to love me. I never thought putting up healthy boundaries could be so freeing. Or that saying I'm having a hard time at a meeting so helpful.
And all through this I do feel grateful. I'm just so happy that I am beginning to get used to me with boundaries and to know that being kind doesn't mean getting crapped on again and again. I am aloud to dislike people and mostly I am becoming comfortable with people disliking me. I never thought I would reach that goal since my whole world used to me measured by what others thought of me. I do believe I'm growing and that comes with some pains, but mostly it comes with love and understanding for myself. Thanks for listening. I needed to release some energy and this helped. Hugs and a happy 24 for everyone.
Jo-Anne
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
I could really identify with so much of what you said. I have found it so hard to be myself. For years, when I was drinking, I would wear a 'mask' and not let anybody see what was underneath it. In a way, I felt that I always had to be putting on a performance and hiding the real me. I had to be perfect. And somewhere along the drunken way, I forgot who I really was.
It's only through AA and working the steps that I am starting to find who I am all over again. Quite often now, I am comfortable being me. I can relax and the pretending can stop. It's OK to be me, faults and all.
I was at a meeting a little while back and a woman said that she loved herself back to health. That really struck a chord with me and I often think about what she said.
Thank you for sharing and for making me think.
Have a great weekend.
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Yeah, thanks guys. I find that the energy I wasted trying to fill everyone else's expectations can now be turned inwards. Maybe that will help heal the physical pain.
Hugs/Jo
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I granted myself the gift of sobriety and found my spirit.
Awesome post, Jo. I struggle with "is what I'm feeling OK" a lot, it's one part of my recovery I haven't quite got a handle on just yet...I had a tug o war with myself just this morning. My s/o pissed me off and then I felt quilty and began to wonder if I was wrong in getting pissed off. did I make too much of the situation. ...it took some time, but finally came to the conclusion that I yes I did have a right..I always have a right to feel what I feel......So, thank you for the reminder, that it is ok to just be me.
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I thought I would never see the day that I could overlook and bypass people who dislike me..but I have too. It's like I see it like this and please I am not trying to be like I am the best person who walks the earth but I feel I am a really neat person to know and be friends with and if someone doesn't see that I am not going to worry because I love myself enough to know that it doesn't matter much who likes me. I don't need to take thier inventory...I have enough of my own....
For years I thought it was alright to put others first and their needs, always felt I had to be the piece keeper, when things south with family issues. Never thought of puttin myself first.
but u know through the program, and struggling on a day to basis, I still hard somedays puttin me first.
Today, I take time to except me and my faults and my positive side first, I'm still working on excepting complainments and thinkin positive
