I posted here for the first time the other night on my 3rd night, I came back today and saw more positive replies. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! That night my 3rd night was a pretty bad night with w/d symptons at some point I could not sleep b/c of the muscle spasms and my stomach chlenching. HOWEVER......
While I was lying in bed trying to ignore all that I had an epiphany about what I think the first step is, I dont really have that much experience. So, I thought I would post it here for y'all to read and see if I am on the right track with this.
I went to my 2nd meeting last night and met more and different ppl and got more #'s for support. What a great thing AA is, I suppose it's not for some, but I tell you what...so far it is doing alright by me.
My HP has given me 5 glorious days and It's wonderful to FEEL that I can do this with God and support and prayer. WHAT A GREAT FEELING!!!
I am powerless over my addiction to alcohol
I am powerless over my issues of abandonment
I am powerless over other people's attitudes
I am powerless over my feelings of my bio. father's betrayal
I am powerless over my loved one's getting sick/dying
I am powerless over my quick sensitivity
I am powerless over my own sense of inadequacy
I am powerless over what my daughters' will "grow up" to be
I am powerless over my mom's feelings of depression/guilt
I am powerless over MY feelings of depression/anxiety/guilt
I am powerless over my S.O.'s addiction
I am powerless over the feeling of drowning every month (bills.etc)
I am powerless over what my bio. mother chose to do/be
I am powerless over my decisions in life as of SO FAR
I am NOT powerless with God's grace.
Thank you ALL!
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You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You. -Isaiah 26:3
It's so good to see you back and posting on this board.
Well done on your fifth sober day! You're doing great and you must be feeling really good about what you are achieving. Also, for me, by day 5 the worst of the withdrawal symptoms were behind me.
Early on with AA, I chose my sponsor and asked her all about step 1. I've copied below a worksheet that she gave to me. It helped me to write out everything that I could think of. When I have been weak and tempted to drink I have gone back and read what I wrote and then asked myself if I still wanted a drink. The answer has always been 'NO'.
I don't know what you or other folk will think of the worksheet. If it's no good, then happily bin it! But, it might help you. I hope so.
Very best wishes to you,
Carol
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Have you seriously damaged your relationships with other people because of your addictive behaviours? If so, list the relationships and how you damaged them.
If other people have told you how you how your have hurt them, then write down what they said.
Describe any missed appointments that resulted from your addictive behaviours
Describe any memory lapses where you cannot account for where you were.
Describe any times that you cannot recall how you got home.
Describe times and ways that you have significantly neglected or damaged relationships with your loved ones in order to indulge in your addictive behaviours or because you were recovering from your addictive behaviours
Describe any illnesses that have resulted from your addictive behaviours
If your addictive behaviour contributed to excessive spending, describe the situations and why you did it.
Describe times that you have withdrawn from social interaction and isolated yourself to an extreme degree and why.
Describe incidents where you expressed inappropriate anger towards other people.
Describe embarrassing or humiliating incidents in your life. Were they related to your addictive behaviours? If so, how were they related?
Describe attempts that you have made in the past to control your addictive behaviours. How successful have they been? Do these attempts show the powerlessness that you have over your addictive behaviours?
Do you feel any remorse from the ways that you have acted in your life? If so, explain that in detail.
Describe any irrational or crazy set of events that have happened since you began you addictive behaviour Did you rationalize this behaviour? If so, in what way?
Have you avoided people because they did not share in or approve of your addictive behaviour? If so, list these people and situations.
Describe any dreams that you have had that exhibit the unmanageability or chaos of your life.
Can you pinpoint one time period in your life when your life began to become extremely unmanageable? If so, describe that period of time and what was happening.
Is there one incident or insight that made you realize that your life was unmanageable? If so, describe it in detail.
How would you summarize the powerlessness and unmanageability of your life in the face of your addiction?
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Thank you for that Carol. SHWEW! I am going to C & P if you dont mind, That is going to take me quite a while to go over in depth and being honest with myself. But, thank you for that and your kind words of support.
Star
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You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You. -Isaiah 26:3
Yep, that's the answer for me, regarding Powerlessness. I am reponsible for my actions everyday, how I treat others, how I take care of myself, and all the other outside of my own self, issues, All People, Places and Things, I am Powerless. And I will always be POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL, as a Recovering Alcoholic, never ever want to forget that is always foremost in my thinking, in this 24 hour daily reprieve Program, I can't, He can, and I let Him.
Great epifany.
and the other list to consider, before going back, that also is a very Great idea.
The following 11 steps, your Sponsor will guide you through, and it does cover just about everything, that actually both of you described.
Recovery over the years takes us to the people we were meant to be, that God intended us to be, and doing the following 11 steps, with the help of your Higher Power, to me he is the real guide through the remaining steps.
Hugs to Both of you, and in a minute I will go and get the Promises, and Post them for you both, they really do come to fuition.
I am doing a HUGE cheer for you right now, with my sugar-free iced tea!!! Fill er' up!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYyyyyyy!!!
Let me NEVER forget how priceless are the first days of true freedom from the DEMON of alcoholism!!! I hope you sleep like a babe tonight, dear!!!
NOTHING pleasures me more than being there, even if in cyberspace, to witness another suffering human being start to 'get it'.... I am sooo soo happy tonight, my dear!!
Quetz, your worksheet ROCKS too, and I cut and pasted it too... You must really be studying this AA stuff and doing a great job working your program... you are so full of helpful things!! I am 16 months sober, and 10 years in the program of waffling prior to now, and I don't know SH*T 90% pf the time. You and Star are teaching me every single day, and I thank you!!!
I'm going to add something to Star's list, if I may...
I am also powerless over feeling good and LEAVING IT ALONE... just being happy being happy......
I used to feel really good and sabotage myself because I really didn't know how to handle feelings of elation, joy and happiness.... I would be having a great day and be really excited... and get drunk.... ????!!!???
I just felt compelled to add this, as it has been a stumbling block also, on top of all the negatives, for myself and others....
I wasn't sure what other folks would make of the worksheet, so I was apprehensive about posting it. But, all I know is that it worked for me. It took me a while to get my step 1 out and then write it down. But, I so wanted to get my step 1 correct. I do believe that if I hadn't done it properly, then I wouldn't be able to move forward.
Keep on doing what you're doing. Well done, you're doing great.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
I'm glad that the worksheet helped. All I know is that that was what worked for me. If I hadn't worked through it and been completely honest, it just wouldn't have helped to keep me sober.
My brain (poor demented thing that it is!) works in very odd ways. If I do something that I'm not proud of, I'll go back over and over it. In the end, having re-played it over and over, it has changed out of all recognition and the dreadful things that I did weren't dreadful at all and none of it could possibly have been my fault! So, without the worksheet to guide me, I would have written pages of how nothing was ever my fault, but all of these bad things just kinda happened!
Nuts or what?
Take care and have a great day,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
