sorry bout that. I replied to your 'getting back to AA' thread and I was referring to you as John throughout. I hope you are not offended. It must have been a Freudian slip, because I have a brother called John who has big drug problems and I am worried about him. Oddly enough, unlike everyone else in our family, he doesn't drink, but he is into pills big time and lives this sort of weird life....up all night, in bed all day.
I felt compelled to apologise cos alcoholics can be very easily hurt! I know I can. Eg I called up my local AA branch and they told me someone would call me back about a special women's meeting with creche facilities....and nobody called me. So I thought: you bums! Took it really personally, which was absurd, since the woman on the other end of the line had never seen me, or even spoken to me, before....
Hey no worries.. I am NOT EASILY offended.. infact its pretty hard to offend me. Yeah i am kinda suseptable (duno the spelling) to some things some times and can get emotional but believe me i did not get offended in the slightest, did seem abit wierd lol but no not offended. . But its pretty damn cool of you to recognise/realise the possibility of hurting the feelings of someone in this/our sort of situation, obviously with your own experiences, and appologise, i respect that.
Ok my turn to appologise.. I hadnt actualy read your post when i read your thread to me about applogising.. I wonderd if i had read it when too drunk later last night and based my response on that.
I have now read your post to me. And was really moved. No you are right i dont have children, i dont want any actualy, had a vasectomy last december... yes sober.
I really felt for you as i read your post... I just wanted to give YOU a great big hug. Yeah the self conciousness is a bitch big time..
I so feel for you and your situation.. i can only imagine how hard it must be for you in your situation. Dont feel bad at the possiblity of bring any negativety to these aa boards.. well in my opinion if you cant bring negativety to aa then where the f**k can you bring it!!?? Show me one alcoholic that hasnt seen negative sh*t in their life.. who hasnt sufferd who hastn felt at least some pain!!!
I am lucky in many ways and possibly this is why im so slow at gettin into it.. I havent lost my license.. i havent hurt or killed anyone, i havent any real problems with the law, only a couple of cautions and let offs, nothing serious. My parents are still alive, i still have a job etc etc etc.. I have basicaly been lucky, and its probably this that is causing my slow introduction to aa. I dont have kids to worry about. I dont have dependants. I mean i have my sh*t and it could get seriouse if i dotn sort this out.. duno how long it will take for my debts to become out of control.. well by which i mean for minimum payment to be greater then my wages.. At the mo im spending more than i earn.. but if i stop drinking that will change alot!
I think alot really that i dont take my situation seriously enough.. one of my mates said if he was in as much debt as i am that he would be sh*tt*ng himself... but then drink covers most of it up.. Like i said though.. if my parents were to both die i would be in seriouse sh*t.. obviously the greif would cripple me.. i mean im very close to my parents, i see them every day, i live with them .. its me and them... so i would be destroyed... but financialy i would be in deep sh*t.. BIG TIME.. .. i could be on the streets if i coudnt get the benefits from the government..
I think realy that i dotn take my situation seriously enough.. Really i should be out there working my ass off, i should have like a second job or maybe 2 other jobs to bring in extra money.. But i do my usual hours and then come home and drink..
Anyway... Great big hug to you Sycorax (( )). I .. well duno the right words.. but I am glad i read your post and would like to read more if you ever wana share more..
