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Post Info TOPIC: Inactive, but stll Grateful

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Posts: 67
Inactive, but stll Grateful

'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again & expecting different results"

That's what I was doing. Going to meetings full of folks whose lives had improved so much after getting sober. Meanwhile, I'm one of a handful whose life actually got worse after sobriety. Whenever it came my time to talk it would be the same "I'm sober but my life sucks even worse now" spiel. I approach this as a program of honesty, brushing aside 'we act as if' and 'fake it 'til you make it". I stop playing make-believe a long time ago. 

Don't get me wrong, I am VERY grateful for my sobriety and AA introducing me to a higher power of perserverence. My thinking is a lot better than it was 4 years ago, but nothing else has changed. My life is barely worth living and talking about it doesn't do me a damn bit of good. The same thing, over and over again.

Yesterday, I went to my Sunday morning meeting. The topic? "What successes have you had since becoming sober?" And then the testimonials started. Deep sea fishing trips, cruises to Hawaii, getting a new floor with tile from Morocco ... so many AA meetings are prosperity gospel sermons. I stood up, waved to a couple of fellow members, and walked out, making the decision to not return. I realized earlier tonight was that I had had enough. I was tired of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

So I will not attend AA meetings anymore despite the fact that I am grateful to God and to AA for my sobriety, which I intend to keep.



Constantly praying this : "God, help me deal with my %@#+ed up self." Sober since 7-19-19

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