There are times I crave alcohol especially when I want to feel some comfort from the anxiety I am experiencing.
I have only partially blackout on one occasion and am able to control my drinking most of the time. I find myself drinking and using mary jane to feel comfortable at social events and more courageous to have fun. Although I did get really drunk on one occasion that was a non alcoholic gathering/party. Just was crying alot. I have been cleaned from mary jane and alcohol since I had the opportunity of living in a home for mental health individuals like me that dont allow the use of such substances. I dont know if I am an alcoholic but considering that my grandma on my mom side has been in AA for 29 years and my mom is a alcoholic/addict and so is my father the predisposition is there. I have been attending Al-anon for about two years already as well and have had the opportunity to talk to other double winners as they call themselves.
Since the corona virus outbreak I have been in lockdown and find myself craving to drink and a joint. On occasion I find pills from my roommates on the floor and the other day I was cleaning. I wanted to pick it up and google what it was for and drink instead I threw it away. But i swear i just wanted to drink it to see if it would calm me down. My doctors refuse to give me benzos and with good reason.
Welcome, f19. You may be an alcoholic, based on what you describe. If you are, drinking is not a good strategy for coping with the problems of the day.
You have started on the road to recovery and that's great. But you cannot do it by yourself.
