Hiya. I feel a bit deflated. I spoke to my sponcer about my anxiety of work. "do not worry, we will work the steps, and by the time you go back to work all will be well" were his words. (The fact is I am on antidepressants and the main reason for my continued depression is my job. I had a real rough ordeal and it has really knocked it out of me. I am off work with a bad back for 2 more weeks, but I am also stressed)
My sponcer now says that he is not going to do the steps with me because I am on antidepressants. I now feel like I have nothing to live for.
I am very scared to go back to work and it controls me, I have had nearly 2 months off now and i dont think I can cope, I really do not know what to do? I do not want to muck it up at the last minute, I go to uni in sept. when I think of work I turn really depressed and it knocks the life out of me.
I have been off the phones for over a year due to my stress. (I work in a office) the company doctor said that I needed to be off the phones., well my time is up, i need to be back on the phones, and I have asked for some additional training because I have been off for so long and I feel I need support getting back in, but my manager has refused to give it to me, I do not know what else to do>? I am scared really really scared.
I also feel my sponcer has let me down, and I cant talk to him because every answer is "its not today so dont worry" but that does not help me,
Please could somebody suggest what I should do because I cant go on hiding my feelings.
ROB
PS sorry to put a downer on, my sponcer told me to lose the self pity then everything would be ok, so I have been doing what I do best, bottling things up....
1) Get a new sponsor, the one you have now is obviously a waste of time and space.
2) Seek advise from your local Citizens advise Bureau (You are in the uk??)
3) Seek advise from a solicitor (some will give 1hr of advise for free, some charge £10)
4) Seek help from social services regarding disability benefit to keep you going through Uni.
5) The best thing I can offer is: Look for a new job. Why stick with a job that causes depression, F*** them off and get a job that you can do and enjoy doing. Look in areas that you would not have thought about before, do something different. I had panic attacks and depression and partially alcoholism through a job that was stressing me. Get out and get another job.
Just my view, hope some of it is of use to you.
Best wishes
Chris.
Ps: if you are currently working for British Gas or NTL, GET OUT!
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Yeah, Chris said it all. If that were my sponsor, well, wouldn't be my sponsor for long.
Love the idea of a new job. If your job is causing this much anxiety? I'd rather be flippin' burgers at Mickey D's.
You put it out there at a meeting that you need someone to do the steps with you. I'd guess you'll get approached quickly. I know you would over here. Any step meetings near you?
Sorry you have to go thru this crap. Light that new candle, do some deep breathing, and remember that your Higher Power is right beside you, eh? Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
well.. we are not supposed to give advice.. we can share ideas,, but you know your situation best and have to make the decisions. I do agree about getting a new sponsor. I don't know about the rest. I do agree in proceeding with the AA program. It doesn't solves everything,, but helps to cope with everything.
looks like you went from way up to way down in less than 12 hours. oh, well,,, such is life... ups and downs and we get through it all a Step at a time.
do your best and God does the rest,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hey Chris I am interested in 3 4 and 5 what would the C.A.B be able to do - do you think? and what about the social security? I feel like I am going nuts man!
Hi wren, I can do my best, that is what my little nan always told me, "do your best" and that is all I can do! any job would be better than the job I am doing now, its not even so much the job (if they trained me to do it) its the fact that the managers are so abusive, and the union are useless., I called them 3 weeks ago when work wanted me to come in for a meeting, as you can imagine I pay £9 a month to the union and I was not best pleased that they did not return ANY of my calls. I know of 3 people who have been sacked at my place because they were sick, well not exactly sacked but told they can quit OR they would be sacked.
LOL, you wanna watch a mood swing? Come on over, if you don't like my mood just wait five minutes, I guarantee it'll swing the other way. And every place in between. Yeah, we're all kinda moody folks, but I rake it up as we're all so highly sensitive, creative and intelligent, it's just the cost.
Your Nan was right--do the best you can, nobody but nobody can fault anyone for that. Used to tell my boys, I don't expect you to get straight A in class, unless I know you can and aren't cuz you're lazy. As long as I know you're doing the best you can, I won't ask for anything else. (And if you do real bad in school? then I don't have to go out and get a second job for your college tuition). LOL, that's a lie, I never said that. Not out loud.
Y'know, I'd be patting myself on the back, Robert, for hanging in there this long. I can take alot of stress on the job (and the kind of work I used to do was major stress), but I will not, cannot take abuse. I took it back in "the old days", and won't tolerate it now.
If I were in the UK, and knew the system there, I would help you with the disability issue, but I haven't a clue how it works there. But I'd be filing some kind of papers for your back. Ask your Doctor about that, maybe he knows, or social services.
And think of the worst case scenario----they let you go. Well, then you'll get unemployment benefits until you find something else. You'll also get help coming in with University, right? Grants and stuff? One way or another, you know it'll be okay. I swear, whenever a door slams in my face? In awhile, another opens for me, and I end up better off. Just gotta trust the process. Hang in there, Wren (Chris)
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
My advice, DEFINATELY get another sponsor and quick!
As for the job, if you can afford to quit and find a new one, I say go for it. Life is too short to be so miserable..........Try to find a way to make the best of a bad situation. Sleep on it, pray about it, and an answer will come...... You're in my prayers, Robert, hang in there!
I see that some people have given you some great ideas to help guide you. I hope everything turns out for you. I'll be praying. Whatever you do "DON'T DRINK" -- someone said that to me in a post (can't remember who). But, I think a union could definitely help with your manager giving you more training and if they sack you because of it -- I think you could call the labor board (if they have one in your area). And, I'm not sure what you like to do -- (hobbies, interests) -- but in the meantime, maybe you could start looking in the paper for new employment opportunities or check our your local employment office for direction. As for your sponsor, I don't think he/she should be offering you help because of your antidepressents. My mom is on antidepressents and she's an alcoholic ... and she needs her meds. It helps her out a great deal. I think you need a sponsor who is more open minded.
Suggest: Find someone with some good sobriety(a year or more.) Anyone that you feel you can talk to and get going on the steps. That's where you will find the magic. Forget the personalities. AAs are humans as you. I can't promise that you will like any of them, or that you will agree with anyone either, until you get some progress in on the steps. I went through three sponsors before I hooked into the one I have had now for 8 years! I don't see any reason why you can't be writing up your fourth step while you hunt for a sponsor. "We are not saints..." Check your expectations, make your decisions, but get going. Read the Promises on page 83 of the big Book. If you want what's promised...Go for it!!! Peace is just a few steps away! Paul
had a bit of a better day today. although I am having problems with my partner, I guess if we want different things it will be like a balancing act, for 4 years I have "pleased" her now I am doing what I have always done, and now she is depressed. I think id better go to bed!
