"I know I have another drunk in me, but I dont know if I have another recovery."
A shiver shot down my spine when I first heard this quote. I know how easy it would be for me to pick up a cold Heineken or glass of Cabernet Sauvignon at a nice restaurant. And my disease even tries to convince me I could handle it now. Its been years since youve had a drink, it whispers. You can handle a glass of wine and enjoy it like others do, it says.
As I think that first drink through, I know I might get away with it, but inevitably I would end up drunk. I know myself well enough to know how obsessive I still amI can prove that with a large bag of M&MS. I know Ive easily got another drunk in me, but I cant say the same thing about recovery. Thats why this quote resonates so deeply and still gives me the chills.
Getting sober and working the Twelve Steps was a lot of work. Good work, to be sure, but it took countless surrenders, unparalleled willingness, and a humbling of my ego that only the desperation of the drowning can understand. If the embers of alcoholism were lit again, I dont know if Id ever be able to contain them. Thats why I pray to God in the morning to keep me sober another day, and I thank Him at night for doing so. I know how easy it would be to get drunk again, but I dont know if I have the grace and willingness for another recovery.
