Teach me, my God and King,
In all things thee to see,
And what I do in anything,
To do it as for thee.
--George Herbert

Some of us have gone through life unconsciously expecting others to bring us happiness, to make our dreams come true, and to make us feel good about ourselves. When nothing seems to be going well for us, we blame it on the lack of external support - we're not in a serious relationship, we don't like our job, we don't have the money to venture into our own business.

When we change our perspective - when we know and trust that we are responsible for our happiness, our dreams, and our feelings - we become empowered. No longer is the burden on someone or something that is either unreliable or nonexistent. We'd been giving this power to others; now it's time to take it back, to make and be responsible for our own choices, to value our opinions, and to respect our intellect.

Today I will give myself credit for all I am capable of, financially and otherwise.

You are reading from the book:

Letting Go of Debt by Karen Casanova

The one lesson my dad taught me:
If you're going to do anything in life, do it right.
--Monty Cralley

Our parents may have had a way of instructing that often bordered on shaming us. No matter what we might remember about it, or them, they meant well. Their own experiences colored how they parented us. This pattern was probably played out in our own parenting, too. We all did the best we could. None of us did a perfect job. But now that we have the time to contemplate the past, we might want to consider forgiving our parents if we still harbor any grudges. Or we might want to make amends to our children or other family members if we are able to see our own failings now.

We made tons of mistakes getting to an older age. Some were intentional; most were not. Do we have to redress all of them? Actually, we don't even have to acknowledge any of them. But if we do, we'll feel far better about ourselves and we'll have helped to break the cycle of the poor parenting we might have experienced.

We all have a chance to do something significant in life. This doesn't have to mean inventing a tool or a drug that will help millions of people. It's really quite easy. Smile at a stranger today, for starters. Consider putting aside an old grudge. Apologize for an unkind action.

I can do something really important today. Am I willing to examine how I treat other people?

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
--Maya Angelou

Some days we grasp at self-pity like a blanket on a cold night, and we are momentarily comforted. However, extended periods of self-pity will undermine our primary purpose, which is to be at peace with ourselves and others so that we may know freedom from our addictions. Thus our self-pity prevents us from carrying a message of hope to fellow sufferers, that they too can find release from their suffering through the Twelve Steps.

Staying clean and sober are gifts available to all of us when we cultivate gratitude. We can be grateful for this program that has brought manageability and serenity to our life, and that leaves us little room for self-pity, anger, or impatience. Our mind will be willing and open to receive God's guidance and support when we let go of our self-pity.

Today I will stay free of self-pity so I can receive God's strength.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

I was so mixed up I tried to be perfect at avoiding perfectionism!
-- Kathryn G.

Oh, the struggle with perfectionism! Of all the clubs we can use to beat ourselves with, that one may be the worst. With all the "musts," "must nots," "shoulds," and "should nots" we demand of ourselves it's a wonder we can get through some days at all.

One woman said she called one of her cats by the other cat's name and as a result spent the next two hours depressed. Most of us don't go that far with perfectionism, but we still make unreasonable demands of ourselves.

The "one year" test is a good one for perfectionism: "If I (fill in the blank), what difference will it make in a year?" Some things will be important in a year. Making meetings, contacting our sponsor, communing with our Higher Power, and being honest with ourselves and others are all important. And we should be concerned when we fail. But more often we punish ourselves for the little failures - forgetting someone's name or saying the "wrong thing." These are the "crimes" we remember the most. But now we can learn to forgive ourselves and concentrate on what's really important: our new lives in recovery.

Today, help me remember what's important. Help me forgive myself for minor mistakes.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

I can live for two months on a good compliment.
-- Mark Twain

Newcomer

At a meeting I shared about a loss I've gone through, and the response was amazing. People expressed sympathy and understanding, and a number of them shared experiences of their own that were similar to mine. It surprised me. I'd told the same story at a different meeting, and people there didn't say a thing to me. I had left feeling like there was something wrong with me. I can't figure out what I did differently this time, maybe there was something about the way I shared.

Sponsor

My hunch is that the difference in response to your sharing from different groups of people had to do with things over which you had no control. There are many possible explanations for people's responses to us; we needn't assume we're responsible for what they do or don't do.

There's an Al-Anon slogan (nicknamed "The Three C's") that says, "I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it." For me, it's a helpful one to remember, especially when people in my life are active in an addiction or are on a "dry drunk." It's useful in situations with non-addicts, too. Most human beings behave as they do for reasons that have little to do with us.

We're entitled to support and response from other human beings. When I find myself in a group where I experience a warm, engaged response from others, I make a point of returning. Support and validation from others quenches one of my deepest thirsts. But we can't rely on others to give us a sense of self-esteem. That comes from within, it grows as we do the work of recovery.

Today, I go where I find food for my spirit.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.
--Herbert Otto

The rewards of our new life are apparent to us because of how we feel, and apparent to others by what they can see. Many of us had reached our bottom point, and we felt there was no risk in trying a program of recovery. Yet, we still had some distorted security in our harmful ways of relating to others or in our addictions. Letting go was an experiment. This program gives us guidelines for experimenting with our life for growth, and we continue growing every day.

Some of our benefits are increased confidence and self-respect, more intimacy with our partner, better friendships, and better physical health. We feel these changes in ourselves, and we see them in the other men and women in this program.

Today, I am grateful for the rewards in my life from this experiment in recovery.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
--Step Nine

When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful.

Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem. Other times, instead of saying I'm sorry, what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person.

There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse.

We need to trust timing, intuition, and guidance in this process of making amends. Once we become willing, we can let go and tackle our amends in a peaceful, consistent, harmonious way. If nothing feels right or appropriate, if it feels as if what we are about to do will cause a crisis or havoc, we need to trust that feeling.

We deserve to be at peace with ourselves and others.

Today, I will be open to making any amends I need to make with people. I will wait for Divine Guidance in the process of making any amends that are not clear to me. God, help me let go of my fear about facing people and taking responsibility for my behaviors. Help me know I am not diminishing my self-esteem by doing this; I am improving it.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Stop expecting too much from yourself.
--Anonymous

When there is too wide a gap between standards we set for ourselves and our actual achievement, unhappiness follows. If we can't improve the performance, we should lower the demands. When we are true to ourselves, we come to expect only that which we are capable of doing. As we grow each day in recovery, we are able to do more.

What we expect from ourselves can change the next day. It is very important that through our meetings and conversations with fellow members, we keep close tabs on our development. We find out that life is for living, and it is better lived when we do our assignments every day.

We are really never given more than we can do. As long as we have realistic goals, we will be given what we need to succeed.

Today I'll remember that when my expectations are too high, I get stuck and down on myself.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

Do not reveal your thoughts to everyone, lest you drive away your good luck.
--Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus 8:19

We've had problems in our lives with limits. We have done some things to excess and others we have endlessly postponed. Sometimes we haven't had good judgment about what we ought to tell someone or whom we ought to tell. We may have kept secrets that made us lonely and sick. Other times we exposed too much in inappropriate situations and hurt someone else or ourselves. Developing these internal limits is a quiet change that comes with recovery. Gradually, we gain a stronger feeling of self-respect and become more intuitive about when to express something and when not to.

Secrets are links in our chains of bondage to isolation, addiction, and codependency. Yet, when we are compelled to tell everything, we lack the feeling of self-containment that comes from maturity. We need a sense of privacy which is the freedom to choose what and when to confide in a friend. What does our intuition tell us today about our privacy and our openness?

Today, I will listen to my inner messages about what I need to discuss with others and when I need to withhold.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Change of scene has no effect upon unconscious conflicts.
--Edmund Bergler, M.D.

There's no running away from the internal strife. Whatever haunts us must finally be confronted and resolved if we're ever to grow and thus contribute to our world its due. When we keep secrets locked away, the secrets begin to keep us locked away as well.

It is folly, and yet entirely human, to think a new location, a new job, a new lover will cure whatever troubles us. The truth is, however, that whatever trips us up is at the same time trying to edge us forward to new awareness, and thus the next level of growth. Our troubles are tools for a strengthened foundation. Without them, we'd soon crumble.

When we consider the conflicts we encounter as opportunities for further development, they excite us rather than provoke anxiety. Changing our perspective can make the same scene appear quite new.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

The greatest gift we can give another person is the gift of ourselves.

When we can share our deepest convictions and failures, our ideals and disillusionments, our hopes and frustrations, our dreams and despairs, our answers and our questions then we are loving our neighbors as ourselves as well as "loving our enemies."

A friend put it this way, "If I share the whole of me with you, I share the good as well as the bad. I don't hide anything of myself from you, not in a deep friendship, or a deep marriage for that matter. By sharing some things I hate about myself, I'm loving my inside enemy. I'm telling you I'm still human and have a lot of growing to do. I'd love to tell you about all my good points, it would make me feel a lot better, but it wouldn't be sharing all of me with you."

TODAY I will concentrate on sharing my insides and outsides with another; I will listen to myself as I talk. I will not be satisfied if I sit on my laurels or wallow in my woes. I will improve myself by becoming aware of how I communicate to others.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

Gifts of the Spirit

Through the program, we come to desire spiritual gifts as well as material necessities. Experience shows us that serenity is priceless and something to be desired. Courage, wisdom, faith, hope, love, humility - these are all spiritual gifts which come to us from our Higher Power as we abstain and work our program.

As we receive these gifts of the spirit, we are able to share them with others. Giving them away to our families and friends ensures that we will receive them more abundantly ourselves. We come to realize that a small gift of time and attention can mean more than an expensive material present.

God's gifts are available to us whenever we are open to receive them. By abstaining, we make our spirits ready to accept their rightful gifts.

I pray that I may be ready to accept Your spiritual gifts.

You are reading from the book:

Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.

Quiet My Mind

Dear Lord,

Teach me to quiet my mind.

Stop my thoughts from racing from one thing to another.

Stop me from the obsessive thinking about the lives of others.

Help me rest and quiet my mind.

Help me let go of trying to control the lives of others.

Free my mind to be at rest.

This I pray.

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

To be alive is power,
Existing in itself,
Without a further function,
Omnipotence enough.
--Emily Dickinson

Being a person in this world is an amazing gift. A spiritual awakening promised by this program is open to us. But today, not all of us feel powerful and alive. We may feel weak, inadequate to our task, perplexed, or stymied. Is this a day in which we are filled with exuberance for the gift of life? Or is this a day when we're feeling subdued by life's burdens?

Perhaps we need to evaluate our perspective. Are we trying to control something or someone? Are we acting as if the world should be as we want rather than as it is? Have our individual wills exceeded their natural bounds and spoiled the simple joy of being "without a further function"?

May I find the pleasure and exuberance today that come with being alive. The simple power to be a person is "omnipotence enough."

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
--Francis Bacon

Each day we hope for accomplishment and satisfaction and we'll achieve these when we scale our hopes to our real capacities. There's no more satisfying feeling than finishing a project we've set up ourselves, tailored to our abilities, and worked at with patience and care. Our lives can be filled with such successes.

Learning to live means learning to keep ourselves in the present. This day is all we really have to work with. 0f course today will be influenced by what has already happened; and its influence will extend to tomorrow, next week, and beyond. But all we can make or do lies here, within this window of space and time.

May my supper be contentment. I'll breakfast on hope again.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg