"Happiness is not having what I want, but wanting what I have."
I spent many years trying to get things to make me happy. If only I could get my college degree, then Id be happy. As soon as I move to the right city, then Ill feel fulfilled. When I meet the one, then I will be complete and happy. If only I could write that bestseller, then Id feel accomplished. With each package UPS delivered (from mindless shopping), Id feel excited for about ten minutes, then Id feel empty again.
When I entered the program, I was hoping that sobriety would fix not only my drinking but also my steady state of unhappiness. I was sure that if only I could get a thirty-day chip, then a six-month chip, or finally a whole year, then Id be happy. It was certainly a shock to me to be five and even seven years sober and still find I had days when I was sure the next UPS delivery would fix me. Thankfully, I learned an enduring truth that always works when I work it.
My sponsor taught me, over and over, that things will never bring me that sense of completeness or happiness I seek. He told me that true fulfillment is in the giving, not the getting. I rediscover the wisdom of this when I work with others. They always give me more than I give them. In addition, my sponsor taught me how to feel grateful for all the wonderful things I already do have: my health, sobriety, a roof over my head, money to buy food, a job, and more. He told me that when I want what I already have, thats when I will realize I already have everything I need to be as happy as I choose to be.
