I used to believe that people, places, or things would fix me. I was sure that if only I could get the perfect relationship or career, or finally have enough money to be set for life, or whatever, then I would be happy or secure or comfortable. But it never worked. Each time I got it, or close enough to it, I would once again feel empty and would set my sights on the next thing I was sure was going to make me all right. I used alcohol in this way for years, but it, too, let me down.
As I started working the Steps, I learned about a Higher Power. I was taught that I have a God-shaped hole in me that I was trying to fill with other, outside things. Through prayer and meditation, I experienced glimpses of the peace and serenity I had been looking for. Then each time I turned my will and my life over to His care, and took the next indicated action, my life got better. But there was a catch. . . .
The catch was that I constantly defaulted back to my will and my old ideas of what I thought would make me happy. Even after years of recovery and experience, I still get sidetracked into thinking that more money or something else will finally complete me. And thats when I go back to the sourceback to my Higher Power. Today, whenever I feel anxious, restless, or unhappy, I ask myself, What has become my H.P.? Its easy to figure out, and even easier to turn my will and life back over. When I do, I am restored to the peace and security I was looking for.
