When I first entered the program, I was filled with guilt and shame over some of the things I had done. When I sat in meetings and heard others share openly about some of their past behaviors, I was shocked by how honest they were. Even more baffling was how they and everyone else could actually laugh at their dark secrets. I didnt know it then, but this was the beginning of hope and recovery for me.
Youre only as sick as your secrets was a saying I heard early on in the program. At first there were things I swore I would and could never reveal. After hundreds of meetings, though, the openness, forgiveness, and recovery of others created the safe place I needed to come clean. As I began to uncover, discover, and discard those parts of myself I was ashamed of, I experienced the freedom and forgiveness I needed to fully recover.
As I completed my Fourth and Ninth Steps and cleared away the wreckage of my past, I was reborn into a new man who is sober and recovered. Now I can laugh at myself, along with others, over some of the things I used to do. Moreover, I realize how the shame I felt about my dark past is the very key I need to help connect with and help heal others. Today, I use the Tenth Step to guard against keeping secrets, and to stay free of shame, so that I can be available to work with others.
