October 1, 2018

Quote of the Week

"Surrender is not a onetime thing."

After a weekend of hard drinking, I would commit to sobriety on Monday. By Tuesday, I began to feel better, and by Thursday night Id allow myself a couple of beers. By the weekend, Id be hard at it again, and Monday morning Id swear off drinking all over. This pattern continued until the Thursdays became Tuesdays, and after a while I just gave up and gave in to my disease. Somehow I survived the abuse, and when I committed again it was to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

During my First Step, I surrendered when I admitted to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable. After a few weeks, though, when I started feeling better, I began second-guessing whether it had been that bad. Same thing happened with Steps Two and Three. Id surrender my will and my life, but midway through the day, Id take it all back. In discussing this with my sponsor, I learned that surrender is not an event, but rather a process.

There have been many surrenders in my recovery. Each day, I surrender my disease to my Higher Power, and I turn my will and my life over to His care. Sometimes this lasts ten minutes, sometimes several hours. But whenever I find myself uncomfortable or at odds with people, places, or things, I know its time for another surrender. Thankfully, I have the tools and the willingness to do this. Surrender is indeed a process, not a onetime thing. And the better I get at it, the better my life becomes.