Well, after 63 days of sobriety I just now realized that I have been a very controlling person my whole life (pause for everyone else with a lick of common sense to laugh at/with me).
My question is this: how does someone like me learn how to give up control? Is it to simply keep doing the ânext good thingâ?
Hey S.P., ... Congrats on 60+ days ... that's a great start ...
Our whole life is like 'a show' ... when we go to the extreme of trying to control ourselves and branch out to controlling others, we start getting in trouble ... pg. 60 of The Big Book sez:
Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do? The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way.
Instead of doing the 'Next Good Thing' as you mentioned, I concentrate on 'Doing the next Right thing' ...
Good job, ... God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
If your control issue is about material shit like where you want the couch to be in the living room, I say it's good to be neat and orderly as opposed to some slob throwing anything wherever.
If you have an issue controlling other people or a spouse I would look for advice elsewhere. A majority of us are products of miserable failures in relationships so I wouldn't listen to someone that has 4 ex wives. We can at best share how much we can relate and give a ton of pointers on what not to do but you are worth more than that. Set a higher standard for yourself. Find that couple that has been together for 60 years and pick their brains.
Welcome to the family CF and congratulations on the 63 days. There is lots to learn as I came to understand when I got sober and lots to learn over lots of time. Part of the control behavior for me was about the fear of not getting my way the way I wanted it and when. The steps were gold for me and helped to turn me back on myself to understand what and who I had become. My sponsor next shared his ESH...Experience Strength and Hope with me to help me understand that I wasn't alone and there were solutions that would help me change...they still work. My Power and Control personality got me into a ton of problems with all around me and I am glad I am alive today from learning how to turn my life and will over to a Power Greater than Myself.
Take it slow. Work with you sponsor. Ask for their help especially with Step 4 and listen, practice and repeat. Keep coming back.
Have a read of page 62 where we get to see how this controlling business is at the heart of our problems. This is the page that all alcoholics love and are really delighted that they begin to see the truth about themselves. Have fun!
