If it's okay, I need some reminders today...I'd like to hear a little on the 6th and 7th steps, please. There's a situation going on in my life that my character defects are on the rampage with - I've done the inventory (I could still use to talk it over with my sponsor), but I'd really like to hear the ESH of others regarding the 6th and 7th.
Quite often I have to stop when I'm on a mental rampage against whatever assumed wrong has been done to me. If I don't, I am the person who suffers the most, that sickness inside ruining precious minutes of my life. So yeah, first I have to admit to myself that I do NOT want to feel this way (cuz believe me, sometimes in a self destruct mode, whether I know it or not, I am hanging on to the anger, pain, whatever and I do not want anyone to take it from me--I'm too busy trying to justify it.) So I need to work on the willingness of letting these negative feelings loose. I get ready to let go, I become prepared to release these feelings or actions or negativity when I realize that they are stopping my growth and probably hurting others. Check out my agenda, and then ask my Higher Power to remove that messed up old thinking. After all these years, I came up on an incident where something was left in a my shopping basket that I hadn't paid for, and found it when I went to unload into the car. My very first thought was "Cool, I didn't have to pay for that". My next thought was what the f*** Chris? If I were to entertain that thinking, then I'll start justifying everything just like I did when I was still out and about. So I made my funny ass take it back into the store and pay for it. The clerk looked at me like I was insane, but rather that than knowing when I went to bed that night, I was still exhibiting that old behavior. Lie a little, lie alot. Does this make sense? If I'm being true to my HP, and trusting enough to give HP my flaws, then I'm being true to myself. Stopping self destructive behavior. Prepare to release, and then become willing to hand 'em over. For me it's mental health--I want my mind healthy now, don't need the sickness in my life anymore. I hope this helps? or did I totally confuse you? (which is often the case the way I ramble) wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
Sixth and Seventh Step work is hard, changing old character defects, but I have to do the work to change them. Have worked on the 6th and 7th in the last two weeks, and am feeling a little better.
Chris,
we are not responsible for our first thoughts, THANK GOD, but we do have to Change the Second thought, ASAP, usually it is almost tho opposite of the first.
When someone give me too much money back in change, like a $20.00 in a Bank Transaction, I am amazed that my immediate thought is, well it is not even a thought, but a response of, "You've given me too much money." But it always occurs to me, that if I was, say completely out of money, desperatly needing some extra money for whatever, a phone bill or another bill, or food money, would I be tempted.
Once when I was walking out of a bank, was really freaked out at the low balance in my account, (after my withdrawal I was down to a balance of $8.00). I let myself get so stressed, was on the verge of a panic attack. Walked out of the bank, and this poor dear man was sitting on the ground dressed in rags, and was pleading with me to give him some money, well I had two $10.00 bills in my hand, from taking this out of the bank, and looked at him, smiled and gave him one of my $10.00. Told him I hoped that it would pay for a good meal. And the truly amazing thing was that there was this 180 degree change in my attitude. My heart ached for the poor guy, and I could not REMEMBER what had made me so stressed. I had no problems, period.
So my lesson that day was very simple, when I get stressed out about money, I just give some away, write a check to a Charity, or give someone a real large tip. And the Stress is gone. I always will be so grateful to that poor man, for this Great Lesson.
And when I feel angry at someone, I know it is Me. My erroreous thinking that has led me there because the anger started with a judgement, (first mistake), then taking that judgement further into justified anger. When I get into real Justified Anger, it almost makes me laugh.
We cannot afford resentments, there are luxuries of others, and I have spent many years, working on this issue.
I have a dear old friend that had a controntation about his dog messing up this guys shiney car. and instead of staying there and getting to the bottom of it, he went home, starting feeling so much anger and resentment at this Jack Ass, what did he do, he got drunk. DUH! He's only been in the Program for 25 years.
A good strong self- righteous resentment has the potential to take all of us down, and fast.
And rather than risk drinking again, I try to shed immediately, very dangereous, probably the most dangereous of all things, we have to be on guard with, thats my take.
Sometimes, when I do my Step 10, I realize that I've done, or avoided doing, something that is not just a little mistake, but something that comes from a real character flaw that needs a Step 6 and 7. These behaviors stem from patterns established long ago and I need to get at the root of them to change them. I agree with Wren that it is often a maatter of letting it go than wrestling with it,,, like getting angry at myself for being angry (as St Francis of Xavier says) is a matter of letting go of anger and not wrestling with it. Then God can fill us with something better. Like the saying of that a clenched fist cannot receive anything,,, have to let go and open the hand. So Step 6 is getting ready to open the hand,,, and Step 7 is humbly asking God then to remove the defect that we are letting go of, and replace it with something better. And I agree with toni that we have to use discipline to not just fall into the old pattern, but to work at developing the new thing.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
