I have posted a few times here and I am very thankful for the responses and grateful for this group. I know I have some problems, even though most times I dont think I qualify as a real alcoholic. Basically my story with alcohol looks tricky to diagnose, so who knows. There had been times when I drank socially, sometimes it would go too far, other times not. Sometimes I didnt drink because I had other drugs. Othwr times I would sneak drinks behind my wife's back, usually late at night. I drank vodka out of the bottle and replaced the missing vodka with water so that it looked like nothing was gone, I hid my own stuff in the house (such as vodka or whiskey like wild turkey), drank while using other drugs (usually to "get me going"), mixing alcohol with an antipsychotic I urinated in my house - not in the toilet - not realizing what I was doing, went to bars (usually strip clubs - I am not proud) and drank alone. I suppose I am an alcoholic but its hard to tell. I live in wisconsin.
From your post Myles, we(I) know whether you're alcoholic or not ... there is a period of time in our lives where we start to sense we may have a problem with our drinking(or using) and if we're smart enough(and alcoholics tend to have higher I.Q.'s than average) we begin to look for ways to fix our problem before we go off the deep end ... I applaud you for sensing you need help for this problem, and IT IS a problem ...
We're here only to guide you on the path we took to recover from this horrible disease ... It's really your choice as to how you wish to proceed ... I used to 'sneak' drinks too ... I poured out water in spring water bottles and filled them with vodka so it looked like I was drinking water while driving ... I hid bottles of booze all over the house too, so that I always had a 'reserve' stash ... this will come back to BITE you on the ass, big time ... I've had many friends over the years try to stop drinking but could not ... they're dead now ... and a lot of them were so young ... it's a painful memory ...
I am not going to tell you what to do nor what not to do, that's up to you ... BUT, I suggest you go to a few AA meetings(sober) and just sit and listen and see if you think you're an alcoholic or not ... I know the answer but you must determine this yourself ...
I wish you only the best ...
Love ya Bro and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
A drug addict has been made into almost an icon by the media. Celebrities like Morrison, Hendrix, Elvis are seen as Gods to certain people.
An alcoholic on the other hand takes our minds to that raggedy matted hair one shoe homeless guy collecting cans under the bridge.
These are stereotypes that an immature brain likes to cling to because it's simple. The truth is, them rockstars lived like degenerate pieces of shit that just happened to have a light shined on 1 thing they did exceptionally well.
So back in my using days you and I could of called me a drug addict, and I would of perked up a little bit on the inside. You could of called me anything - but don't you dare call me an alcoholic. Pappy was right about our I.Qs but along with that, the levels of denial the alcoholic can reach are unmatched by any other demographic. The steps are in a certain order for a reason and it is no accident that the first action we take when we LAND in AA is admitting something. Try it.
Aloha Myles and welcome to the board. I just got home from the morning group in Hilo cause I needed to "hear the voices" of those who know and know that they know what alcoholism is and is about. I have been sober since 2/8/79 and am still alcoholic. Your post verifies to me that I am alcoholic...powerless over this mind and mood altering chemical and subject to causing my own demise as I consider it a solution to my anxiety and fears.
Your experiences are mine also so I would recognize that we are brothers with the same compulsions and allergies with mind and mood altering chemicals specially booze. I tried everything I had and then could find to prove my denial of that and could not including going 9 years alcohol free before being led by a power greater than ourselves to the Alcohol Assessment Test and then made the decision to stop fighting it and go learn about it...including college.
I also say thanks to the program that remained at the perimeter of my denial until I was ready after not drinking first.
For me one of the most dangerous conditions is the emotional fear and anxiety I cannot or will not solve myself and there for I need to sit myself into the voices and the print of those more humble than myself at that time and listen, learn, practice..practice..practice.
With the others....Welcome to the board and family. Keep coming Back ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by JerryF on Tuesday 22nd of May 2018 03:02:07 PM
