I would like to share with all of you a bit of my story. I have just finished my 5th step with my sponsor and for some reason I feel the need to share today.
I was raised in an alcoholic family but was never neglected, abused, etc. My Dad passed away 5 1/2 years ago from lung cancer. My mom is still alive and is a practicing alcoholic in my opinion. I am 32 years old. I started drinking when I was very young. The first time I remember drinking alcohol I was about 8 or 9. I got into it pretty heavy at 13-14 and also got into drugs. I met my husband when I was 15 and we got and stayed sober for a few years. Then it started again when I was about 18 I think. We drank and partied with our friends and it was fun. When we had our daughter we had decided to stop all the partying and got rid of the kegger in our basement and the pool table and the bar. I thought that would be the end of it. I thought "OK time to grow up" But that didn't happen. By the time my daughter was a year old I was drinking heavy again and partying again. At 25 years old I knew I had a problem. I searched online for AA and for help. I tried controlling my drinking for a while. Only drank on weekends, only drank beer, only drank wine...and so on. None of this worked for me. After my dad died I began to drink everyday. I called in sick to work when I was drunk or hungover. I neglected my daughters needs. Not the basic food and clothing and shelter needs but the real needs of a child. The love and attention of a mother.
I was so out of whack. I was always depressed. Feelings sorry for myself. Feeling like life had kicked me in the ass for taking my dad from me so young....I drank myself away from all of these feelings but the relief was only temporary.
I drank to escape from this hell of reality that had become my life. I couldn't cope with anything. I drank myself away from family and friends. Away from my husband, my daughter and anyone who tried to help me.
I am amazed now how miserable I was. I knew I had a problem with alcohol but it was not until yesterday doing my 5th with my sponsor that I realized what it really means in the Big Book when it says Alcohol is but a symptom.
Today I am so grateful for this second chance at life. A life that I know can be good and full and rewarding as long as I am willing to do the right thing.
I am not the person that I wrote about in my 4th step. That is the past. I can let it go now. I can become the person that God intended for me to be. When my sponsor told me that I cried and cried. A lightbulb went on.....I don't have to torture myself anymore....I am free today.
Thank you all for being here. Thank God for AA. Thank God for my sobriety. That I am able to see the world with a clear head and a hopeful heart......This is truly a miracle.
I'm with you Jen...I just done my 6th and cannot put into words how I felt, feel and look forward to each day in a different light...I actually can say for once in my life,,I like myself and feel I'm on the right path..
wow, jen,,, what a great sharing of your experience, strength and hope.... how it was, what happened in the AA 12 Step program, and how it is now. thank you very much. and thank you, bear.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hi Jen, That is a powerful story of recovery, congratulations.
Strange, the hardest step for me was the line that you started the post with....Hi I'm Chris and I'm an Alcoholic.
Welcome here, Glad you are.
Best wishes to you and hope you have a great day.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
Thanks for the kind words. It really felt good to get that out. I just hope that I can be as honest and open at my f2f meetings and reach out to help someone else in need. I am grateful today for this site, for all of you here, for my life as it is today.
Well, off to work now. I pray that I will be able to practice what I've learned in my work situation as well....
Have a great day!
Oh, good to see you Chris!...my prayers have been with you.
