In the morning, I hope you ask yourself what it is you have to do next.

I am now going to say something based on my own experience as a drunk.  You can take it or leave it, as anyone else on this site would also tell you.

Either you really want to break this drink-oh shit, drink-oh shit, drink-oh shit, drink-oh shit cycle, or you are really really willing to go on drinking because feeling drunk outways the ugly way you feel when you wake up.  I did  that for a LONG time.  We drink because we prefer the feeling or being drunk, rather than facing this NASTY world sober.  Trust me on this one.  Also,  you are battling something that is hard to beat, which is the physical addiction of alcohol, which takes several weeks to get out of your system.  I suspect that the physical addiction (don't let anyone tell you any bullshit that physical alcohol addiction isn't real) can occur even years after we stop drinking.

OK, so this is my own opinion, and my fellow alkie's can beat me up now, if they disagree.

Anyway, Rob, I gotta say that if you want to stop drinking, you gotta go to every meeting you can find; you gotta talk to everyone who is willing to help you (particularly guys like Alan), every chance you get, and you gotta kick yourself in the ass, and welcome anyone else who will kick you in the ass for staying drunk.  MOSTLY, YOU GOTTA WANT IT BAD ENOUGH!  I AM ONLY SAYING THIS BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIKE YOU, HATING MY DEPENDANCE ON BOOZE, BUT LOVING THE DRUNKEN DAZE TOO MUCH MORE THAN I HATED THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you TRULY decide that you really hate the consequences more than you love the WONDERFUL DRUNKEN FEELING, you will be willing to do ANYTHING, and I really mean ANYTHING that you have to do to stay sober.  Oh SWEET JESUS!!!....., drunken numbness feels so good! Oh yeah!!!!  The question is, IS IT BETTER THAN YOUR HEALTH, YOUR DIGNITY, YOUR LIFE??????  MY liver is shot.... do you wanna keep making excuses like I did, until you are like me???????  

Sorry Rob, but you don't have a lotta time or chances left, if you don't reach for this chance as desperately as you reach for the bottle, before you end up like me, wishing for the past...wishing that I could undo the damage...you are 20 years younger than me...you still gotta chance.  Get back to the meetings, call Alan, do what you gotta do.

Hi Rob,

Yes we are all trying to love you, until you can love yourself, but sometimes when I read your Post, I get a clear message from you, like when you were talking to the other Rob, it did not sound like you are Ready to Give up the Reseach,  Thats what the Program teaches us.

When I WANTED to be Drunk, more than I wanted to face life, I would not stop, and just like these two previous Posts, I am asking you the same question, really, I know that some, including me, think you are here because you want to stop more than you want to continue,

But when everyday, is as was mentioned, Drunk- oh shit, Drunk oh- shit,  how many times can you do that.

There was a old woman that use to yell at new comers in AA in San Rafael, "you need to put the Plug in the Jug, and keep it there, or go out and do your research".

Someone Private Messaged me yesterday, that we need to ease up on you, and let you just keep testing the waters, well, you are welcome here, drunk or sober if you want to be, thats for sure, and people are going to continue trying to help you get to those meetings,  that also is a given.......But when I think of my own disease, how I looked 5 months pregnant from a bad liver and yellow eyes that no amount of Visene would clear up, I could feel the 1st part of the 3rd and End stage of this disease in my body,  I had become an expert on the the stages, read every AA Book, knew the drill pretty well, and chances are that in those last horrible days I was facing an instiution, or my  own death. I did not want to continue living, really, and it was my 3rd Suicide failed attempt, that  brought to my knees, and finally surrended to a Different way of life. 

All we are saying to you is you have choices here, there will come a day, guaranteed, part of this Disease, where you will not longer have an option, you will not be able to not drink, that is one of the 1st parts of the 3rd, End stage to this Disease. What we are doing is simple, trying to spare you the suffering that we experienced.  As a female Alcoholic, I had a 17 year drinking career, that is short to some, but they do say that woman will go through the stages more rapidly, because they are not as strong physically as men.  I am living testimory to that fact.

So what is an extra 20 good years of your life worth to you, you can throw it down the drain and go into those place of deep regret, that some of us live with, or you can get on the elevator going up, any time you make A DECISION, and you talk about wishing that you could have a desire, to change.  Wishes never gets you ANYWHERE,  I wish someone would finish my housework today.  I wish I was 30 years old.  I wish I still had a loving husband, I Wish my youngest son was not in Prison for a crime he committed using Every drug he could get his hands on.  I wish there was really a Santa Clauss too.

The road from Idealism to Realism, is a bumpy road, an old line of my sister's, when she was dealing with me and my BS.   Idealism held the notion that I could drink, but I wished I was not an alcoholic.  See the coorelation.

We are here for you, we want you to be there for you,  we are all here trying to help, and wishing something would help change your mind, about getting drunk every day.

I think I have said enough today,  I will say, if you were my Son, I would let you live here with me on only one condition, that you not drink. 

I have a dear friend that had to kick his son out of his house because of his Meth use.  Tough tough thing to do,  but if he let me stay under those conditions, he would be just enabling him to continue using.  And my friend would not be able to stay sober, chances are good.

I get so long winded when I write to you, sorry.

Toni