I'm concerned about my drinking so I joined this board. Come Friday and more frequently Thursday nights, I head straight down the off licence after work and grab myself an 8 pack of Fosters Lager. These I drink by myself whilst watching films or chatting on the internet.
Friday night I get another 8 and more frequently 12 cans and finish these of and fall into bed.
Saturday night ditto.
I enjoy the feeling but it's a lifestyle that is worrying me, I suffer from depression but have tablets to moderate it. I find it difficult to mix with people as people make me anxious so more and more I tend to avoid social occasions even though most people class me as a great guy.
I'm 34 and as much as I try, haven't much interest in anything other than listening to good music.
I'm trying self hypnosis tapes to give me self-confidence which are working but still I lack the interest and passion that other people appear to have. That's the main problem, the interest has vanished in life.
Soz.. its just im Rob.. and there is a robert.. and
Well i have made loads of posts on this site but im still drinking.. im drinking tonight.. and i totaly get where you are coming from.. i like the feeling of being drunk yet i know i have a problem..
it doesnt matter if you only drink a couple of days a week.. if you have a compulsion to drink then this site is prob where you should be.. im no expert.. and only you can decide wether you do have a problem or not..
If you dont have much of a problem then this site will prob help you figure that out..
I dont drink as bad as some people... but i do drink .. and i drink alone too.. and omg.. i have to tell you when i saw you post at first i thought it was someone taking the piss out of me..
I love drinking with a dvd.. or infront of pc or both.. or playing ps2.. getitn stuck into gta and drinking etc..
Though i now wish for a time when i dont want this.... when i dont have this..when i want differnt things..
Thanks for that, It's early days for me and I need convincing I have a problem as all I can see is me bingeing at the weekend and it's not affecting any other part of my life or anybody else but me. My main problem is socialising which I've had problems with all my life, almost a people phobia which causes me to drink by myself more often.
Well I think Rob just got freak out for a second because of your name being the same, like maybe we would mix the two of you up.
Just wanted to say Welcome, there is a Questionaire that you can find on line, or in any AA meeting, it has 20 questions, maybe less. It helps people understand if they are Alcoholic or not.
So Again, Rob, Welcome to the MIP Board.
Toni
PS. Isolation is also a symtom of this Disease, and also Alcohol is a Depressant, so it stands to reason that you would be depressed after drinking.
Welcome, and I will try to find those twenty questions, if you would like me to.
Yknow, you are recognising that something isn't comfortable anymore, and you've made a step in this direction. This tells me that you're concerned enough to begin reaching out. That's a start.
Depression, anxiety==we all of us have used alcohol to either mask or smother these feelings. But that's just the beginning. It does not get better. It gets worse. (of you are an alcoholic--only you can make that dtermination).
My suggestion is, as hard as it seems at first, call someone in AA, and try a meeting. You can find many answers there, people who can help you, talk with you.
I'm a bit of an isolationist, always have been, so in the beginning meetings were scary for me. So I sat and listened for a very long time, and asked questions of the people there after meetings. Too shy to speak us during. Jeez, am I ever over that now!
But keep posting, ask, and think about those meetings, eh? Alcohol is a depressant itself, so you know that it isn't going to help much longer, if at all. You'll just feel more down, and cancel out the effects of the meds.
We're here, someone is here, most of the time. Reaching out, that's a good thing. Blessings, Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
Do you have to be into all that 'God' nonsense though to go to AA???
Mate .. omg. geese.. you hit the button on the nail there for me..
i am a total athiest.. and the god thing put me off aa for absolutely years...
i am still totlay new to aa. but well yeah there is ALOT of talk about 'God'... but thats what alot of people need.. .. and they find what they need in 'God'd...
Really seriously.. the God thing put me off for years.. it really did..
But actualy no!!.. i let that part slide overme.. .. i think some peopel dont bleve then they 'find god' with this program.. not me..
But iv been to just two meetings and i feel welcomed .. i cant really describe the atmosphere.. i want more meetings.. im scared to go to others than the one i first went to.. cos of familiarity..
I had a drink and i phoned the aa helpline.. who arranged for me to meet a person, Alan at a meeting.. . i cant begin to tell you how scared i was etc.. holy shit.. ill never forget it.. But i got my arse to a meetin.. and dont ask how i did it.. cos im a coward and i have no idea how i got the balls to do it.... but i did..
its like everyone knows and cares about you even though they dont know you.. iv never met a bunch of people like it in my life.. its like they welcome you regardless.. honestly its too early to explain.. . but well im learning and its amazing.. and its totaly against what i would have thought.....
I can talk to folk fine, I get anixious but seem to do fine yet don't enjoy the experience unless they are unthreatening.
The moment someone goes on about God stuff though I get a twitch in my eyelid haha I believe in a force that controls everything but religion to me is a personal thing like masturbation.
Anyway, the bottom line is, I need to get my passion back, I'm a great artist and muisician but just can't be arsed with it anymore, I've had minor success with both but like I say, it has no buzz for me these days. I'm interested in going to a meeting but feel I would become 'one of them'. I don't mean that in a derogatory way but it's just my mental perception of the whole thing at the moment as I have no clue what goes on apart from stuff I see in films and dramas : )
For lack of another term, "God" is used, or more often your Higher Power as you percieve it. Odd you would ask that, I was getting ready to reply to something similar that was posted.
In the beginning (sounds like the old testament), I had trouble with the concept of the biblical god, or with christianity. Hadn't been raised in a church, so I simply had no understanding of a God concept.
So, I thought about it. I knew that I was more than a pile of bones and muscle--something animated me, some energy. That same energy gave me the ability to think and feel, right? So, I finally came to this conclusion--there is an Energy "out there" that animates me, because I am not plugged into a socket somewhere, atleast not physically. That energy cared enough to give me life and feelings, so yeah, I had something out there that cared to some degree. With that came the realization that if it cared enough to give me my "life force" (again, lack of a better term) and it cared enough to supply me with thinking organs, which lead me to self preservation, then yeah--there is something Greater than myself, and whatever it is, I matter to it, else I wouldn't be here. So I settled on calling it Spirit. Neither masculine nor feminine (at that time) just this Spirit. And when I doubted it, I looked outside, at the beauty of how the universe is run, how right on and perfect it all is, and I couldn't doubt that Spirit existed.
Took me years to give a name or real form to this belief, but the belief in something is what helped carry me thru. Make it a tree, a rock, the nearest river or ocean--you're Higher Power will be whatever you need it to be.....Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
Hi ya mate.. wel think you pm'd me.. will look in a min
Well UNTHREATENING is probably the best word to describe how you will be treated if you got to a meeting.... i have not felt that way once.. on here or at meeting. and i myself..and im not making this up.. this too is something i feared.. ..
I can only speak for the one meeting i have made.. well two meetings but same time/place tc.. which is the Beaconsfield Beginners at 6:30pm on a tuesday......
Step 2 says, "Came to believe that a Power greater than our selves could restore us to sanity" . that's all it says. It doesn't say that you have to beleive the same thing I do, or that I have to believe the same thing I believed 10 years ago, or that we have to believe what Phil believes, or toni,,, it is really an individual thing. Now.. I don't mind if you have a thing against 'God', and you can tolerate my thing for 'God'.. deal? We can be different. This is not a 'religion', but a spirituality... meaning that there is something beyond just our selves,,, cuz our selves just weren't making it. Some people use "Love" as their Higher Power,,, and that works. I dn't think a doorknob makes a very good higher power,,, nor my cat,,, but whatever you sincerely think. Coming to believe is a process of learning,, and,,, like one poster said,,, we accept where we are at the moment. There is the saying though,,, H O W ,,, honest, open, and willing.... meaning that if one is absolutely against certain things and set with a vow never to change, no matter what evidence points to the contrary,, we're going to have a problem. But we will find that out,,, so sometimes we need to just explore and learn the truth for our selves.
may the Supreme Being bless you, and reveal Himself to you,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I'm all for self help but cliches of a million self help chapters don't wash with me. Sorry I'm not being nasty but the best help is when there is humour involved and a lightheated attitude of 'you're going down the wrong motorway, turn back!'
To put what I said earlier a little different way,,, "different strokes for different folks",,, and 'take what you need and leave the rest' implies that you don't attack and disparage other people's beliefs and we won't put you down. You are entitled to believe anything you want, and more power to ya. We are also entitled to each of our beliefs,, and my Power is a Higher Power.
so thank you, you're welcome, have a nice day, and that's all I got to say on this for now
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
This is how it was explained to me by the woman who is now my sponsor:
"If you think you might have a problem, you probably do. Only you can decide that and no one will try to "convince" you either way. AA carrys the messege, not the mess. If you have the desire to stop drinking then the hand of AA is there to grab hold of. We will love you until you are able to love yourself. If you throughly follow our (sober AA members) path and use the suggestions to the best of your ability, rarely will you fail........ The bottle is but a symptom of your ills".......
Welcome to this place. It is a healing place. The shares tell the story of challanges we face when dealing with alcohol. You will get what you need at the time you seek it. There are no short cuts or easy answers. It takes the time that it takes.
In my case I needed to take every drink and experience every form of my perception of life when I drank. I finally found that I was not gaining on life. I was lost in my disease. So when I had had enough, I really did not need to answer questions about alcoholism. I needed to ask questions about joy and happiness through life. AA allowed me to find a purpose. Some of us are sicker than others. Yet, we all shared a common bond. I found a love and fellowship that helped me find my purpose.
The Program works. It really, really works. Maybe you will trust. Maybe you will take the risk to change. It is you life. I wish you well.
Thanks John, coming on here is certainly encouraging me to try to make positive moves. Like the post previously pointed out, my weekend binging is just a symptom of my frustration at my life at present.
I do totaly get what you are saying about the god thing.. I can vaigly remember posting an email to aa last year or the year before, drunk, and i sounded more like i was bitching at them about i didnt want them to be shoving religion down my throat.. I kinda wanted help but i didnt want people to just be trying to convert me and tell me god was the only way..
Reason for this line of thought is this is what you often find day to day in the real world.. people are alwasy trying to push their beliefs onto you and say they are right and you are wrong.. 'you just need to find god, youve lost your way'.. sort of thing. This is what i sense you are expecting too right?
But it realy isnt like that. The 2 meetings iv been to are Newcomers Meetings... and basicaly they're are an hour long.. They start off with a guy speaking breifly welcomging everyone and intrducing himself and saying how long hes been sober. days.. often "more than a year". Then it goes around the room so that everyone says their name and how long theyve been sober.. IF THEY WANT TO SAY ANYTHING.. if you dont want to say anything then just sit there in silence.. Fuck me it took a hell of alot to say "Robert.. first time".. i had to force it out.. Everyone said welcome. After everyone has said or not said who they are a person sat next to the key speaker/chairholder whatever you call him/her will speak and basicaly tell their story.. or a story in part of their history..
I found the one last tuesday to be very different from my own experience.. couldnt really relate much at all.. The girl speaking the week before was abit closer to my experience but not alot really..
After him or her has said their bit.. the chairperson, who made a list of peoples names at beginnin when everyone said hi, looks at the list and pics name and asks them if they would LIKE to speak/share. I was asked on tuesday but i declined.. I guess if i didnt want to be asked then i could simply not say my name at the beginnin of the meeting that way they coudlnt ask me... Im not gona do that but its an idea if the idea of being askd scares the shti out of you.. i know it did me.. i cant tell you how glad i was the first week that i wasnt asked.. but i expect it was blatently obviouse to everyone how nervous i was..
After people have spoken, the meetin closes with everyone saying the serenity prayer.. I did not say it and i dont know if i will...
At the end of the first meeting Alan spoke to me and gave me his number to phone any time. 24/7.. which i have not done btw.. A guy called john said hi to me at some point too..
Last tuesday at the end of the meeting a woman came up to me and spoke to me.. said to come back and made me feel welcome.. infact she made my day.. soppy fuck that i am
So.. basicaly thats what happend at the two meetings i went to.. but wether different meetings at different places with be quite the same i dont know.. i think some have different structures than others according to literature.. cant say from experience though.. yet.
Oh yeah at end of first meetin i was given some stuff to read.. etc ive read some of it....
Haha welcome back to planet earth! I was a bit ratted by 2 in the morning but don't feel too bad this morning and coming on here has given this area in my life a kick up the arse.
It's easy as hell not to drink today and the next 4 or 5 days when I've got work the next day.
Friday night is the hardest though and i need to get out of the habit of the friday night saturday night binge. It's been going on for about 18 years. I got my liver checked last year and was given the all clear!!! That pissed me off as I was hoping for a bit of shock therapy!!
