They say that one of the gifts of recovery is the sense of peace and calm that you get. I have heard it described as feeling comfortable in your own skin. That concept was totally foreign to me before I got sober; in fact, I felt the opposite way. My solution was a drink, and for brief moments I could relax and feel okay with myself. But by the end of my drinking, I was uncomfortable both drunk or sober, and thats when I knew I had hit bottom.
I remember being amazed by how happy and easy going everyone seemed in meetings. They could look me in the eye, smile, and offer me their phone numbers. They didnt seem driven by the anxiety that was my constant companion, and I soon wanted what they had. I could have that, my sponsor assured me, if I was willing to do the things they did. And that meant working the Twelve Steps and developing a relationship with a Power greater than myself. I was willing.
It took years for me to work though the layers of my old self, but today I have the feelings of serenity and peace. I even like and respect myself today. I once read a quote by Pascal that said, All mans miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone. I am so very grateful to not feel that restless and discontent any longer. Today, I know calm and am able to take in and appreciate lifes moments. The gifts of sobriety go far beyond just not drinking.
And these gifts are available to anyone who is willing to give the program a try.
