I cant turn back the clock, but I can wind it up again.
One of the fears I had when I got sober was that I had ruined large parts of my life, and that the damage I had done was permanent. I spent many nights wishing I could go back in time and make different, better decisions. As I went over and over these things, I was overcome with shame, and remorse, and resentment. At times, I felt like my life was over, and that things wouldnt turn out okay for me.
In working the Steps, I began to come to terms with the things I did, and I discovered the causes and conditions for why I did them. As I took the focus off others, and even off the past, I concentrated on making things right in the present. I built a relationship with my Higher Power, I cleaned house and made amends, and soon I found that I had built an archway through which I could once again connect with my fellows.
The gift of the program for me came when I realized that I was given a second chance and a new life. I felt the joy they talk about in the program when I found that while I couldnt change the past, I could create a new future. One day at a time, I took the right actions, and each time I did my life changed, I became a new man, and soon I found I was living in the sunlight of the spirit. Each day, I know the clock of my life has been wound up again, and today I have the freedom to make it the way I truly want it to be.
