Joined Alcoholics Anonymous about 3 months ago. Been attending AA meetings regularly. But I relapsed and had a glass of wine the other night and feeling guilty about attending meetings. Are there other alcoholics out there who have a drink is still attend meetings. I feel like I have failed and I'm completely embarrassed to go back. Is this normal? Please advise
If it makes you feel better, I stumbled in and was carried by 1 arm into my first AA meeting. I'm pretty sure I had dragons breath and was slurring up close to others in the room. Come to find out, I still had 2 more years of digging to do.
It is very normal, yes. Alcoholics drink...it's what we do best. My suggestion is to reach out again but next time, do it in person. Pick someone in the room and grab their hand after a meeting and lay it out like you did here.
Welcome to MIP Robinator, ... Just like Vision posted, I too, experienced the same thing ... It was very hard to put the guilt aside and go back to meetings ... all those who were successful in staying sober were go'n to give me the 'evil hairy eyeball' I thought ... guess what, they were very happy to see me come back and made me feel like I was with 'family' ... ... ... many don't come back after making a bad decision ... we must 'pull our shorts up' and get back to it ...
Alcoholism is like cancer, it is FATAL ... AA turned the table on this terrible disease and gave me life ... I wish the same for you ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
When I started in 1987 there were no antidepressants and I was suffering from PTSD. I knew I had to stay sober or die. I'm a binge drinker which made it easier, I thought for me to go out. I was just frantic. I started the cycle of every month relapsing approximately. I went to at least 1 to 4 meetings a day. When I drank, at the end of my binge, I would go back to AA meetings and start over. It was for me, an incomprehensible demoralization but I forced myself to go to stay sober for as long as I could. At first, I thought my PTSD was vastly more important than staying sober and I talked about just that in meetings for a long time. I established AA friends who would accept my relapses. When anti-depressants came on the market I started taking those and I was able to stay sober 30, then 60,then 90 days etc. In 2017, on October 22, 2017 I will have thirteen years. I had 7 years before and relapsed, 5 years before that and then relapsed etc. My motto is "Keep Coming Back!" The newcomer is, bar none, the most important person in the room and AA members on the whole, recognize and realize that! Easy does it but do it. Getting time is not a contest where if you loose, you are no good. I felt like I was no good every time I went back to the meetings but I finally realized that almost no one really minded that much and they were honestly glad to see me each time I relapsed.THE NEWCOMER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE ROOM,whether one has relapsed or is new to the program. Keep coming back!
The most welcomed person in the room will always be the newcomer. Relapsing is normal and now is the most important time to lean on your brothers and sisters in the room.
Welcome to the forum, R2448. I have seen many new people who, after taking a drink, feel guilt/shame/embarassment/etc. and who hesitate to come back to AA.
These feelings are common ... BUT THEY ARE ALL WRONG.
Go back to your meetings, go back to your fellow AAs.
You have not "failed." You have had a slip. I have seen many people get back on track and achieve long term sobriety after a slip. The main thing is to not drift away from recovery.
You can do it.
-- Edited by Tanin on Monday 16th of October 2017 10:02:05 PM
There's no need to be embarrassed. It's a disease. I had 4 months of drinking after i joined AA. I had to be convinced that I was a real alcoholic and I needed help.
Had to learn from the relapsers and they allow(ed) me to question them about the thoughts, feelings and behaviors they were having before actually drinking. I needed their experiences, strengths and hopes in order to prevent my own relapses. So far I haven't relapsed with booze yet with the thinking and reactions and such I have. This is a disease not a moral issue.
Thank you so much for your replies. Still feeling really guilty but going to the meetings anyway. It's hard for me to look everybody in the eyes now I feel like I betrayed them. I have been collecting chips and now I have to start over. My biggest is shame is how do I explain this to my roommate who is being my biggest supporter through all this? Anyway thank you again for all of your support. It means a lot to me that I get it from people I don't even know.
I believe someone once said "success always begins with failure" or something like that. For once, I agree.
Maybe the author knew a thing or two about recovery? Who knows. Maybe they spent some time in recovery or know someone who has? Possibly.
They obviously know a thing or two about failing, regardless of the tagline, and that speaks volumes from where I'm sitting.
It got me thinking, if all of us have come short of our goal at one time or another and those setbacks are only short-lived, then I guess the old adage rings true,
success does begin with failure whether we realize it or not. I think we know the answer to that question.
If that is the case, then I guess the author was right after all. There's only one question that remains 'what lengths are we willing to go in order to test that theory'. I guess time will tell.
Yeah, it sounds a bit corny, I know, especially when the past keeps staring back at us, but rest assured there is always room at the table for one more.
Welcome Back.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 20th of October 2017 03:48:38 AM
Thank you so much for your replies. Still feeling really guilty but going to the meetings anyway. It's hard for me to look everybody in the eyes now I feel like I betrayed them. I have been collecting chips and now I have to start over. My biggest is shame is how do I explain this to my roommate who is being my biggest supporter through all this? Anyway thank you again for all of your support. It means a lot to me that I get it from people I don't even know.
I don't think you betrayed the others, I think you betrayed yourself ... ... ... BUT, Mr David made an excellent post about failure ... We need to learn what works and what don't ... now you have the knowledge of what don't, so go with that knowledge and use it wisely ...
Good to see you Mr. David ... how you do'n ??? ...
Love you guys and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Now that I think about it, the title of this post should be " The irony of it all" or something along those lines. It's amazing how past events can change our whole outlook on life, something I know all too well.
I always considered myself an optimist and still do. But there are times when I feel trapped in a world driven by pessimism. Everything feels flimsy and unattractive, like a dry, secluded wasteland void of any meaning. The irony of it all.
This got me thinking, what would happen if we view our mistakes as learning curves rather than failures. Does that sound more realistic? I think it does. In fact, every story I have ever read has some sort of meaning, real or imagined, so why stop there. And those same lessons should apply to real life scenarios as well. If we continue to improve our way of life, whether personally or professionally, and do so for all the right reasons then nothing is off limits, that includes addicts or alcoholics alike. It should not deter us from moving forward either, something I remember all too well. I know you will agree, Roger.
An old friend used to say "sometimes you need to suffer a setback or two before you can truly appreciate happiness for what it's worth". How true. It was a lesson I had to learn all too well.
It's good to see you again, Roger. I'll hope everything works out for the best.
Onward!!!
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 22nd of October 2017 06:38:33 AM
I DO agree David ... and very well said ... unfortunately, we need setbacks in order to grow ... it gives us something to strive for ... something to accomplish ... We both know of 'setbacks', both mental and physical ... with good spiritual connections, we continue to grow ...
It's not easy though ... there were times during this last cancer treatment that I said I cannot go on, the loss of strength and having everyone do things for me was almost too much to bear ... my cane and 'walker' became my best friends ... after 5 months, and thinking daily, 'God will never put more on you than you can bear', I finally start getting better ... now I can do a moderate amount of work around the house without too many ill effects ... thanks to my 'Higher Power' ... ... ...
I think it's all about 'attitude' ... a negative attitude produces negative results ... I know that first hand ...
It's so good to see you posting again ...
Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It helps for us to see others get through difficult, and even "impossible" challenges. It gives us faith that we can get through similar experiences.
I get mucho inspiration from you, Pappy. I cannot engage in self-pity when I see the trials you have lived through...and the good works you cheerfully accomplish.
Well, it's easy for me to be positive now, after the fact ... but a few months ago, I was not a 'happy camper' ... and when things aren't going well, it's easy to get depressed or simply give up ... sitting around unable to do anything will drive a person absolutely nuts ... Thank God I didn't go back to drink'n or go totally insane ... and I can see now where my experience may help others, given the chance ...
Thanks for your support and prayers Pickle, they mean more to me than you can possibly know ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It is soooo important for me to realize that alcoholism is a disease; an AMA (American Medical Association) registered disease and not a moral issue. It was always associated with sin; doing something bad before I realized and accepted the disease aspect and that for generations before me my family carried it. When I drank I was normally drunk and when I was drunk I was insane. Alcohol was God and no other God existed for me then and my rational person became the slave to it.
Our steps and traditions have principles which are suggested that we follow and one of them is the amends process. Keep on keeping on. Guilt can get you drunk. (((hugs)))
