I dont like things changing without my permission.
I used to spend a lot of time and energy trying to arrange life to suit myself. I would like in bed at night planning not only my every move, but yours, too. I even used to think I could manipulate places and things, and I burned up a lot of energy foolishly trying to bend life to my will. And then I would wake up and things would change, so I started all over again trying to twist the changes to my will. I was exhausted when I entered the rooms.
Once I attended about a week of meetings, I started planning how my recovery would go. I laid awake at night thinking about where I would sit at meetings, who would sit next to me, what I would share, etc. I planned out the first year of my sobriety, including the new job I would get, the perfect sober woman I would marry, and the circuit speaking I was sure they were going to ask me to do. And then I woke up and the meeting had moved, my sponsor told me no relationships in the first year, and that I should hold off on changing jobs until I had more time. I started feeling exhausted again
Thats when he told me I might want to Let go, let God. My sponsor suggested that I begin taking my life one day at a time, and that I begin asking for Gods will instead of trying to get my own. He told me I would be much more open to the changes that constantly happen in all our lives once I turned things over. It took a lot of practice, but when I started going with the flow and welcoming change, thats when I began seeing the miracles and opportunities that come with it.
