Today's Gift - Sept.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Today's Gift - Sept.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Gratitude

Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. We're feeling great in the morning, but we're submerged in misery by nightfall.

Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we're feeling overwhelmed, we can't see the lessons in these experiences.

One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It's called gratitude. We learn to say thank you for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I don't like this experience, but thank you anyway.

Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.

Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today's pain into tomorrow's joy.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Happiness is a by product of an effort to make someone else happy.
--Gretta Brooker Palmer

Self-centeredness aggravates the natural flow of circumstances surrounding us; too much attention on ourselves distorts whatever might be troubling us. However, focusing on others' needs diminishes what we'd perceived as our own pressing need. This is a simple principle we might all consider adopting.

None of us is free of problems. That's one of life's givens. Through their resolution we grow and ready ourselves for the next group of challenges. Each group we survive enables us to offer better assistance to someone else who will confront a similar problem. Perhaps we'd do well to see all our problems as preparation for guiding someone who will come into our life. Helping someone else is certain to lift spirits and foster happiness, but the unexpected reward is that the helper reaps even greater benefits than the one helped.

My happiness is guaranteed if I help someone else find it today.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Because I have been athirst I will dig a well that others may drink.
--Arabian proverb

Most of us do as we please. When we want to go we go; when we want to stay, we stay. We're accustomed to moving around freely and never even think about it. We trust that a door will open if we turn the knob and push. Unfortunately, we never appreciate what we take for granted, and we are less for that.

A young man at an meeting shared that he had just been released from prison. Upon release, the first thing he had done, he said, was to walk back and forth across the pressure plate of the bus station door. He wanted to be the one to make a door open and close. Onlookers had laughed at him, he said, but he didn't care. He appreciated the chance to move, to go where he wanted. Having known the hell of doors that won't open, he had an awareness that the rest of us didn't have. As his recovery continues, he will have much to share with people who've been trapped in prisons of their own.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

There is no happiness; there are only moments of happiness.
-- Spanish proverb

How happy we are right now may hinge on dinnertime - whether it is just before or just after. It may also depend on whether we are examining ourselves to see if we are happy or not. There's nothing like a little introspection to convince us of the futility of life. Just asking the question, "Am I happy?" is enough to put us into a blue mood.

Moments of happiness, like creative thoughts, pass before us all the time. If we want to enjoy them, it's up to us to reach out and take them when they appear. The opportunities are boundless, and they all come dressed up like other people. No one has ever been happy for long in isolation. We are not, by nature, solitary creatures. God gave us people to be with. And as an incentive to be kind to one another, God made each of us a source of happiness for others.

If there's anybody around, I won't have to look far for happiness today.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

To Love an Addict

When I held my baby in my arms for the very first time, I rubbed my cheek on his fuzzy head and whispered, "I will love and protect you for as long as I live." I didn't know then that my baby would become an addict before becoming an adult, or that the addict taking his place would shred the meaning of those words to smithereens.

Slowly, at first, came the arrests and overdoses and big fat lies. My sweet child was turning into a stranger, manipulating me, using me, and twisting my love into knots. I was befuddled by this scary new world that I didnt even know I was in and that I knew nothing about. I thought I was just a regular mom stumbling through regular parenthood, but then I had to figure out how to be the mom of an addict. I had to figure out how to love my child without helping to hurt him, how to grieve the loss of my childwho's still alivewithout dying, and how to trade shame and blame for strength.

To be the parent of an addict is to be an ambassador of truth and understanding. No more shame. No more silence.

To love an addict is to run out of tears.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Reflection for the Day

One of the most constructive things I can do is to learn to listen to myself and get in touch with my true feelings. For years, I tuned myself out, going along, instead, with what others felt and said. Even today, it sometimes seems that they have it all together, while I'm still stumbling about. Thankfully, I'm beginning to understand that people-pleasing takes many forms. Slowly but steadily, I've also begun to realize that it's possible for me to change my old patterns. Will I encourage myself to tune in to the real me? Will I listen carefully to my own inner voice with the expectation that I'll hear some wonderful things?

Today I Pray

I pray that I may respect myself enough to listen to my real feelings, those emotions which for so long I refused to hear or name or own, which festered in me like a poison. May I know that I need to stop often, look at my feelings, and listen to the inner me.

Today I Will Remember

I will own my feelings.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

How important is it?

The young man in the meeting was very angry and upset. His lawnmower had broken down. He was having a cookout in his back yard that evening, the yard "looked terrible," and he'd paid a lot of money for that mower! After he went on for some time, an older woman gently interrupted him and asked, Was anyone hurt? Was there danger? Would your guests walk out? And finally, Did you lose your sobriety over it? The young man smiled, as he answered no to all the questions. No, it was not that important after all.

We all overreact sometimes to situations, people, and events that, later, we see were really not important. The next time we are bothered by someone or something that threatens to ruin our day, we will try to remember to ask ourselves. How important is it? If its not important, well spend our time and energy on what is important. There is a world of difference.

Today help me to know what is important, to forget whats not, and ask others for perspective when Im not sure.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Letting Go of the Silence

Addiction's best friends are shame and silence--without them, addiction couldn't survive. They play together so nicely, hanging out deep in the shadows. A tight-knit gang of bullies, they've been left to rule through intimidation for too long. Addiction, shame, and silence--this trio with power.

Many times, out of fear, I've kept addiction's secrets--fear of blame, fear of my failures being exposed, fear of embarrassment and disgrace. But now I see that was stupid; my silence and shame only help The Addict to succeed at killing my son. So, I will no longer be silent. Or ashamed.

The best gift I can give The Addict is to keep quiet--to keep addiction hidden away in the dark. But the best gift I can give my child is to talk about addiction. To bring addiction out into the light, to foster understanding and change. To change the way people look at my son. To change the way they interact with and treat him.

Maybe letting go with love means letting go of the silence.

Stigma's power lies in silence. The silence that persists when discussion and action should be taking place.

M. B. Dallocchio

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Real love pours itself out upon the object of its affection, without demanding any return.
--Florence Scovel Shinn

Loving another wholly, purely, with no strings attached promises ecstasy, and yet seldom do we dare chance it. Often we want the promise of love in return if we're to offer it. Our fragile egos are held tentatively intact by the slim gestures and fleeting words of love tossed our way. But when we bargain for love, we don't find it.

Real love will forever elude us unless we put our own selves aside and unabashedly love the self of someone else.

Freely spreading the warm glow of love to others magically invites its return - another of life's mysteries.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Keeping my mind active through good, intellectual discussions is important to me. Talking over golf scores doesn't take us very far.
--Louise Jerome

Small talk is what engages us much of the time. There's nothing shameful about that. Many of the individuals we're in the company of are strangers to us. Inconsequential discussions seem safer then. Yet, keeping our minds active through thoughtful discussions about the world expands our knowledge and awareness. This exercises our minds in important ways. Just as muscles atrophy when unused, so do minds.

Many people shy away from in-depth discussions. Maybe we frequently do that, too. Oftentimes it's because we feel inadequate to others. Maybe we assume they are better educated. Fears of inadequacy are familiar to most of us. Will we ever learn that we are and always have been all that we've needed to be?

One of the good things about growing older, for some of us at least, is that we realize most worries don't materialize; most situations aren't as serious as we anticipated, and most people are more approachable than they first appear to be. Taking risks to share our thoughts gets easier the more we practice it. Let's not shy away from this today.

I'll dare to share my opinions today. A good discussion can energize me.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Reflection for the Day

Even with a growing understanding of The Program and its Twelve Steps, we sometimes might find it difficult to believe that our new way of life leads to personal freedom. Suppose, for example, I feel imprisoned in an uncomfortable job or troublesome personal relationship. What am I doing about it? In the past, my reflex reaction was to try to manipulate the things and people around me into being more acceptable to me. Today, I realize that happiness can't be won that way.

Am I learning that freedom from despair and frustration can come only from changing, in myself, the attitudes that are perpetuating the conditions that cause me grief?

Today I Pray

May I be given clear eyes to see and then to stop myself when I am manipulating the lives of those around me, my daily associates, friends, and family. May I always be aware that change must begin within myself.

Today I will remember

Change from the inside out.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

I Did Not Cause It

I did not cause my child to become an addict. As a parent, I don't possess that power.

When my children were little, I imagined I had all kinds of power. I could decide when it was time for their nap--but they might play in their cribs instead of sleeping. I could serve up a healthy dinner--but if they didn't want to eat the small mound of lima beans on their plates, They Did Not! I could teach my children right from wrong and good from bad, but my word alone often wasn't enough, and they experimented to see how those rights and wrongs worked. It soon became clear that while I could be their guide, my children were going to be who they were meant to be. My real power as a mother was simply to love them. (And to annoy them and make them mad.) As a parent, I was perceived to be too nosey, too clingy, and, on occasion, not clingy enough. I hurt my children's feelings. I made them feel angry, sad, unheard, and misunderstood. At times I hovered like a helicopter mom--at other moments I might have flown too far away.

I am an imperfect mom. But imperfect parenting does not cause children to become addicts.

If that were so, every child would grow up to be an addict.

Too many people are spoiling their existence carrying needless guilt and shame.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

History books begin and end, but the events they describe do not.
--R. G. Collingwood

Each day we turn a new page in our recovery, and we grow more settled in our new life. As we learn to live in the present, neither fearing the future not feeling shame about the past, we discover new pleasures in simply living. We dont have to hide our fear any more, we dont have to suppress grief or shame or anger. We dont have to keep our real selves secret behind a veil of chemicals.

But we do need to remember. Our old behavior is still a part of us. We may still be paying the consequences for it, with legal or health problems. We may still feel remorse over our actions. And we need to remember that our addiction did not end simply because we stopped using our drug of choice. We could relapse at any time if we arent careful and dont work our program. We could replace our old addictive behaviors at any time with equally unhealthy new ones that may be harder for us to see. This is why we keep going to meetings. This is why we need our sponsor, our other program friends, and our Higher Power. Recovery is active. When we are working at it, we are recovering.

Today help me see what work I need to do for my recovery.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

The evolution of human growth is an evolution from an absolute need to be loved towards a full readiness to give love.
--Dr. Karl Stern

As children, we looked to our parents for love, for clothes and food, for an indication of who we were. If our needs were met, we felt secure. As developing adults, we still seek love. We continue yearning for security and all too often our self-definition comes through someone else. But a healthy sign of our growth is revealed each time we extend love to another with no thought that love is owed us in return.

We can show our love in myriad ways - a genuine smile, a note of appreciation, an unexpected favor, perhaps flowers, or a phone call. Warmly giving another attention in any form is an act of love, one that will be repaid in full by someone, at some time.

The ease with which we genuinely love others is directly proportional to our commitment to loving as a priority in our lives. To love is a decision first, an action second, a value next.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Inspiration starts in the home.
--Alpha English

What does being inspired really mean? Alpha would say it means having the faith to tackle difficult tasks. She surely had it. In a time when few women went to college, she did and with honors. Then after a lifetime of teaching in a small Arkansas town, she began writing plays and a history of African Americans for the benefit of young and old alike. She was inspired. Her example inspired others, too.

But what if we didn't grow up in a home where inspiration was nurtured? Did that mean we couldn't develop it? Taking notice of how we have solved problems and approached the unknown in our lives indicates the level of inspiration we acquired from somewhere. What's obvious is that we did create it somehow. Any accomplishment we can point to is evidence. Nobody tackles anything without some inner drive that says they can. That's inspiration.

Some of us did have more than others. Some of us still do. The good news is that we can "trade" inspiration with each other. We can give it away when a friend is in need, and we can borrow it back when we're feeling uncertain about a direction or a task. It matters not where we get it. It never did. It was simply easier for us if it was one of the gifts passed on in our homes.

My inspiration can come from anywhere today. Those who are closest are the obvious "carriers."

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Flowers, Not Weeds

When addiction took hold of my son, it grew and spread like a thick, thorny vine, twisting and turning and choking him tight. But it didn't stop there. It kept right on creeping. It crept and crawled its way into my mind, making me sick too. In an Alice in Wonderland kind of way, my sickness is a distorted reflection of his sickness. How sick is that?

I faded, I weakened. I lost my sense of self. Blamed, judged, and berated, I became consumed by the guilt and negative thoughts heaped on me by both myself and others. My common sense and rational thought became warped.

The truth is, negative thoughts and negative people can't take root in my life if I don't let them. My life is like a garden--what grows here is in my control. Unwelcome seeds may drift in on the wind, and renegade runners may sneak in under the fence, but I can pull out the things I don't want in order to make room for the flowers.

Stop watering the weeds in your life and start watering the flowers.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Give us to go blithely on our business this day, bring us to our resting beds weary and content and undishonored, and grant us in the end the gift of sleep.
--Robert Louis Stevenson

Tonight, our reward for the day is sleep. To make sleep peaceful and relaxing, and filled with pleasant thoughts, we can spend time gently closing our minds to the day's events.

We can walk down a pleasant, nature-filled path in our minds. With each step we can move farther away from the day's activities and the many tasks we did or left undone. Look around us. We can see lakes and mountains and hear the soothing sounds of a speeding stream. Nothing is important now except peace of mind and the hours ahead in which our minds will be at peace.

Before we shut off the light we can spend a few minutes visualizing our pleasant nature walks. We can think "Let Go and Let God" and feel the day's tensions and pressures fall from our shoulders. Today has been good. We can then close our eyes and let the reward of sleep drift over us.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

One deceit needs many others, and so the whole house is built in the air and must soon come crashing down.
-- Baltasar Gracian

If we are honest about our addiction, we know how it can drive us into secrecy. At first came the little lie - about missing an appointment or coming home late. Then the lie to cover the lie, and then the lies to try to escape from the web of lies that entangled us within our deceit. We couldn't look our loved one in the eye, we couldn't risk the truth, and so we lied again and again. Finally the sad day came when we grew comfortable in our little isolated world of fantasy and deception.

Our life became a house of cards, a pack of lies. We couldn't make an honest, open move for fear of bringing the whole thing tumbling down around our ears. And usually we were not the only ones to get hurt; our spouses, lovers, children, friends, and colleagues suffered too.

We have begun to change all this, but it takes time. We need to continue to take inventory and be fearless and honest with ourselves. Each time we are honest, the lies lose their power, and finally truth comes through.

I'm tired of the web of lies I've spun around my addiction. I want to break through into honesty and truth.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Un-abling

It is not helping my child if I do things for him that he can (and should) do for himself. Instead, by diminishing expectations, I diminish his capabilities. I am un-abling.

Un-abling means that I am helping to make the son I am "helping" unable to manage his task--or his life--on his own. It is crossing boundaries, reducing responsibilities, removing consequences, and cheating him of things adults need to learn in order to live (and love) life on their own. It's providing an escape hatch from the realities of life.

So, I will not give in, hand out, set up, or fix up my child's messes and catastrophes until I am, inevitably, unable to enable. (Or unwilling. Or burned out.) I will not help to leave my child so un-abled that he is unable to handle the business of running whatever is left of his life--after he's endured a lifetime of my un-abling. (What happens to my child if he never learns how to rescue himself?) All I can (and should) do is help him to get the help he needs to help himself. That, and love him.

If he sneezes, I'm not the one who should leap for a tissue. And I'm not the one who should want to.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Seeking growth

We are where we are for a reason. As long as that reason remains, we remain where we are. If we aren't where we think we should be, working the program will help us get to where our deepest self longs to be. This is growth.

And growth is work. We must be willing to do the simple things that our new understanding asks of us. We are never given more than we can handle, and the loving help we need along the way is always available. But we never get this help in advance, only as we need it.

Am I seeking growth?

Higher Power, help me want to grow and be willing to do the simple things, day by day, that add up to big changes.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Listening and Sharing

Let us review what others have said about listening and sharing:

"To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it."
--Churton Collins

"They that will not be counseled cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason, she will rap you on the knuckles."
--Benjamin Franklin

"Dont give your advice before you are called upon."
--Erasmus

"If a mans faith is unstable and his peace of mind troubled, his knowledge will not be perfect."
--Buddhist Proverb

"Let no man presume to give advice to others that he has not first lived successfully himself."
--Anonymous

"People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be not what you nag them to be."
--S.N. Parker

"An open mind, like an open window, should be screened to keep the bugs out."
--Virginia Hutchinson

"Philosophy is a purely personal matter. A genuine philosopher's credo is the outcome of a single complex personality; it cannot be transferred. No two persons, if sincere, can have the same philosophy."
--Havelock Ellis

Today I will not expect others to agree with my views. I will share and listen for what is good in others and myself. I will seek honesty and increased understanding from all my communications with others.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

No Place to Go

Love is supposed to flit about, here and there. Happily. And lightly. It's also supposed to have a place to land. Love is supposed to reach out and check in: How's the job? How's your life? Wanna do lunch? Go for a walk? Wanna talk? Do you need help with this or that? Happy Birthday! Here's a birthday cake, some presents, birthday wishes, a party hat. Yes, love is supposed to flit about, here and there, doing all these things, and more.

With addiction, love has no place to go. No place to land. My love, as a mother, has become untethered. So, in trying to make things right in my maternal world, I fuss, fix, and fume instead--forcing and faking a two-way relationship. I butt in and argue and wheel and deal and wheedle and enable and un-able and whine and beg. Love is supposed to flit about, here and there. Happily. And lightly. But there's nowhere for my love to go. Or land. And so, I ache.

Grief is just love with no place to go.

Jamie Anderson

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Sharing our experiences heightens our joy and lessens out pain.

Not letting other people know what's troubling us causes the problem to trouble us even more. "Secrets keep us stuck," say the wise ones on our journey.

Sharing what's on our mind with a friend or sponsor gives that person an opportunity to help us develop a better perspective. On the other hand, staying isolated with our worries exaggerates them.

Staying isolated with our joys isn't helpful either. It minimizes them, thus cheating us out of feeling their full thrill. We deserve joy in our lives lots of it because we will have our full measure of pain. Perhaps we fear others will criticize us for being braggarts if we sing forth our joy. But our real friends will sing right along with us. Our joys are deserved; they offset our trials. Telling others about both will let all our experiences count for something.

I will remain open to my friends today, sharing both my worries and my joys.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Today I Will Trust

Today, I will stop straining to know what I don't know.
To see what I can't see.
To understand what I don't yet understand.
I will trust that being is sufficient,
And I will let go of my need to figure things out.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Zip It

Not every thought needs to become a spoken word. Not every feeling needs to become an action. Sometimes I need to just keep quiet. If my words will seem harshif they will ridicule, judge, or critiqueI won't say them. If they will be unkind, I will be kind and leave them unsaid. If I have an opinion (or advice) that hasnt been asked for, I will keep it to myself. If it's not an objective fact, I won't present it; if it's not a truth, I won't spread it; if it's not mine to discuss, I won't discuss it. If I don't want to know or don't need to knowand if I cannot or should not do anything about itthen I will not ask about it. If I'm mad, I don't need to yell it; if I'm resentful, I don't need to prove it; if I'm hurting, I don't need to hurt someone back. I need to think before I speak or act. Mostly, I just need to zip it.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Anonymous

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Praise God!

We did not create this program on our own, and we did not achieve abstinence by ourselves. Our recovery is a gift, just as life is a gift. Light, the natural world, our nourishment, talents, love, and fellowship - all come from our Higher Power. Our role is to receive, use wisely, share, and enjoy the blessings God has showered upon us.

When we get over the idea that we can do everything by ourselves, we become receptive to the moving force that creates and sustains us. As we stop looking at life from our own egotistical point of view, we begin to see God's glory. No longer a slave to our desires for material things, we are able to rejoice in our Higher Power and to share our joy with those around us.

Our recovery makes us examples of God's power to heal and renew.

In You, there is great joy.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Look, the wind vane fluttering in the autumn breeze
Takes hold of certain things that cannot be held.
--Feng Chih

When we think we are losing our grip, we have good reason to look up. Consider the moon suspended in the sky, how it continues to come and go, follows its natural law, and never really loses face. Consider the sun, the stars, the seasons, how they refuse to abandon us, to let go of their hold on our lives. And, come closer to home, we can marvel at the magic of small efficient things - the toaster and stove, the light in the room, the words in a good book that are permanent, faithful, and clear. We can consider how music, without saying a word, still speaks to us, and how a few friends, maybe miles away, continue to hang on to the strength of our small and faithful words.

We can keep in mind that we are part of a complex and loving system, and our grip can never be lost.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

At Oran, as elsewhere, for lack of time and thinking, people have to love one another without knowing much about it.
--Albert Camus

What is time for? How often we say, "I don't have the time for ______" (meaning our marriages, our friends, our children, our hobbies, our parents, ourselves). Just what is important anyway?

Some people seem to do everything in the margins of their lives, without thinking or knowing much about it. They go to school, get married, have children, get divorced, experience losses, get jobs, all rather offhandedly. Their attention always seems to be somewhere else.

All of us are preoccupied sometimes. And sometimes, in the middle of our lives, the preoccupation clears. "I woke up this morning and took a long look at my life. What have I gotten myself into!" Suddenly, somehow, our full attention is turned on the matter at hand. Suddenly, we have time to think. What's revealed then is the pattern of our lives. Did we make choices at random, irresponsibly? Now that we can see, are there parts we can do over?

I'll endeavor to write my life story in the center of the page, not in the margins.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Boundaries

Fences are built to keep valuable things safe--to keep children and pets from escaping or running headlong into danger. Roadways have painted lines to keep cars in their own lane, and homes have signs to keep interlopers away. Boundaries keep things in place, keep things just so. Keep problems from popping up. Keep things under control. Boundaries are a necessity.

Boundaries don't need to be wrapped in barbed wire or topped with shards of glass or constructed of three-foot-thick blocks of concrete. Boundaries don't need to be hostile. Or harsh. Boundaries can also be neatly trimmed hedges or flower gardens or silken lengths of rope. Boundaries can be passive. Quiet. They don't have to push and shove--sometimes, they're just there. A definition of space. A reminder not to cross.

Boundaries are what I make of them. They are what I need them to be. To protect myself and others. Boundaries are a necessity.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Don't leave home without them.

Jeff Brown