When I first got sober, the only thing that changed for me was that I no longer drank. Most everything else, though, remained the same. I still stole money at my job, cheated in my relationships, and lied to my family and myself. I still remember when I heard at a meeting, How do you know when a newcomer is lying? When his lips are moving. That hit home in a very uncomfortable way.
As I began navigating the new world of the Steps, I kept running into the phrase, rigorous honesty. At first I kept looking for ways around that, but as I did my various inventories a fear inventory, a resentment inventory, a relationship inventory I realized I had to finally get honest with myself if I was to have any chance at this recovery thing. It took a long time for me to overcome my tendency to be dishonest, but each time I told the truth, I felt much better.
In recovery, they say that you grow a conscience. I sure did. After a while, it got harder and harder to live with even little white lies, and I soon saw and felt the wisdom of being rigorously honest. Today, I know the path to freedom isnt in getting what I want by lying, its in speaking my truth and being accepted for who I am. These days when I have a decision to make, I just ask myself what feels the most sober.
The answer that most resonates with my conscience is the right one.
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Copyright @ 2017 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
