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Post Info TOPIC: New here, lost in a lost world
Ledclone


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New here, lost in a lost world
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Hi

Last year I met the most wonderful women. Beautiful, witty, charming etc. We just clicked and have fallen madly in love. She was open from the start, she liked to drink. I enjoy a drink. But over the year i have realised there is drinking and drinking. I won't bore you as I am sure many members have a similar story.

S had a very traumatic upbringing overseas. She says I am the only man she has fallen on love with. I believe her. To cut to the chase. She has detoxed before with success then hit the booze again. There are many triggers. She made the decision to stop drinking and we contacted the NHS. Took 2 months to get an appointment and now they offer 2 week rehab in 2 months! She might be dead by then. She just wont' consider going into rehab, her cats...her home is her sanctuary.  

There are many layers, depression, anxiety etc. She will not go to therapy as she does not want to face her past (everyone knows this is the key to her drinking). She has all but given up. I am beside myself seeing the woman i love destruct herself. I am emotionally drained. I know she has to make the decisions. 

 

Any suggestions how I can push her forwards as I just feel I am constantly being heavy handed with her.

 

John. X



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Pythonpappy


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Hi John, ... Sorry to hear of your dilemma ... My only suggestion would be a long 'sit-down' talk using 'total honesty' about her current situation ... NO ARGUMENTS ... just plain talk ... assure her that the cats will be well cared for ... IF she's not so blind as to SEE that she cannot continue on this path she's on, then maybe, just maybe she'll be open to getting help dealing with this disease ...

Don't use 'threats', such as threatening to leave her unless you're willing to do just that ... One of the hardest things in life is to sit back and watch a loved one destroy themselves ... offer help in any form you can ... only you can decide when enough is enough and 'walk away' if and when you are certain there is 'no hope' ...

All alcoholics have made bad decisions ... it is only when we get honest with ourselves and say enough is enough and seek help ... I've lost a number of friends that couldn't make that decision to get help, yep, dead and buried ... I pray you can talk some sense into her ... and it may be good, if she has good friends that support your view, to have them urge her to seek help ...

She has to make the decision ... and she has to 'want' that help before it'll do any good ...



Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Tanin


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Welcome to this forum, Ledclone.

If she is not willing to go to rehab, things probably won't change much. Maybe get worse.

Is she willing to look into AA? AA probably can help. And she doesn't have to wait--she could go to a meeting today. Or she could come to this forum. We can supply info and/or advice. We are people who have been where she's at.

You might consider getting some help from people who've been where you're at. We have an Alanon forum right next door:

alanon.activeboard.com

They can help YOU.



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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 
Ledclone


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Hi Pythinpappy and Tanin

All good words. She wants to stop but can't get over the line. I'm afraid AA is not an option for her.

She has lost many friends through drug and alcohol misuse. Her lifestyle made her mix with the wrong crowd. She met me and by chance I am a stable person and patient, she listens to me except when she is away with the fairies.

I was talking to a joint friend who said I was on a slippery slope to heartbreak. I said I would not abandon her. Friend told her she was breaking my heart. She broke down, so may be we are getting through. I might send her a link to this forum and see if she bites. My dad was an abuser, so I have been through this before (but at a younger age). I will do everything I can, I am resilient, but human and can take so many knocks.

I will kept you posted.

Many thanks

J x

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Pythonpappy


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Hey John, ... be sure to checkout the Alanon active board that Pickle suggested above ... I think it would do you good ... especially since you've had experience with substance abusers like us before ... I think it will help you in your approach to help your girl ...

Glad to hear you're trying to do the right and noble thing ... I wish and pray for the best outcome ... stay strong ... 


Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Visionz


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More emphasis needs to be put on taking your own inventory. I am a grand wizard at pointing the finger but if you want to see me squirm in a chair, watch me take my own. It's my opinion that a lot more will be revealed once that is done.



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chris


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Hi, AA is an option for every drunk, everything else is an excuse to stay drunk. Sounds like she has you to take care of her no matter how much she drinks, as you said you'd never abandon her. With my drunk thinking, I would take that as a free pass to drink up. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I manipulated my husband and family for a good 15+ years until they all said we're done, get help or you're out. Us drunks are MASTERS at getting what we want. I used to tell my husband I wanted to stop all the time, because he would get off my back so I could drink more. Good luck!

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Ledclone


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Hi Chris. My eyes are wide open to this don't worry. Despite the emotional connection we are great friends. I get drawn in from time to time, but shake myself down and get on with it. I am very resilient. I was at an all time low when i posted. But have had good feedback. I will start stopping the 'everything'. Driving her around and let it sink in. But i do agree I do need luck. I have also put a time limit on it. So into the valley of death

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JerryF


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Aloha Ledclone...I was snapped to attention at your last statement..."Into the valley of death..."   You do know then that our disease is a fatal one right?  disbelief



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