It took me a couple of months of meetings to realize that numerous fellows would be absent and were not coming back to the meetings. This was stunning to me.

I could only, at that time, be concerned with the fact that *I* was still sober. I was so beat up mentally and emotionally, that was all I could do.

I focused only on myself for a long time--maybe 3 years. Tunnel vision, pretty much.

Other people did it differently...

The best advice I can give you is to make sure you are not one of them. Find a sponsor, get into those steps and have your own life changing spiritual experience. Meanwhile, be there to welcome the newcomer and those returning from relapse. Remeber those that get back are the lucky ones. Many dont make it back. There is no guarantee, so guard against that little voice that will tell you "if they got away with it, maybe I can too".

How do you guard against that? Find a sponsor, work the steps and have your own spiritual experience. In short, go for the solution.

Empathy is a useful emotion if used sparingly. This is a selfish program. You are here to get sober and recover from a disease that kills people. I didn't like hearing this and don't much like repeating it, but "you are going to walk over a lot bodies on your journey through sobriety". Find meetings with long term sobriety in them, surround yourself with folks that are making it. It's easy to see that you'll be one of them.

 

After 9 years of not drinking and participating in the Al-Anon Family Groups and while also being a therapist in a large rehab I was triggered into doing my own assessment.  I had just finished an assessment for a kid on his way to inpatient care at the hospital I was connected to and when I turned from the door to go back to my desk, my Higher Power asked me, "what qualified him for in-patient care and not you"?  I had never exposed my drinking to anyone in the business.   I did an honest assessment including the 3 toxic shock events I experienced and keeping it anonymous took it to the adult section of the rehab for review.  I turned it in and waited.  The head nurse was a gal that came into recovery shortly after I did in the other program and when she came back to me told me that while she didn't know who it was the assessment was for that if that person ever drank again they would die.  When I exposed to her that it was my assessment; her reply was simply "How long have we known each other Jerry"? and after I replied she said, "You know what to do" and walked away.  That Friday I was in my first for real for sure AA meeting. Most of the people in the room were known to me either as clients of family in the fellowship and as they went around the room identifying themselves when they got to me I would not speak and so they did a magical thing...they stopped the meeting until I did and after I said "my name is Jerry F and I am alcoholic" they went on with the meeting.  I have not had a drink since 2/8/79.  Have I slipped? Yes I have and then held on furiously to the hands in the fellowship and my Higher Power to gain and maintain the spiritual sobriety of our program.  Thanks for letting me share that again.   ((((Hugs))))