Hib. I just joined this site and Im so excited that this forum exists. I have been in and out of AA for many years. I am 60 years old woman who had been sober for almost 10 yrs with the help from my higher power and the fellowship of AA. I lost my sobriety when my mom got suddenly sick in 2013. I got away from meetings and could not handle the loss of my mother. I started out drinking occasionally and talked myself into that I could be a social drinker. Then last August I lost my brother who was 54 yrs old to liver and bone cancer. That is when I felt my drinking started to escalate. I could not handle the grief. My father in law of 35 years passed this past April and he was like a father to me. Again could not handle the grief. Just to back up I did have myself admitted to a hospital in February for 10 days and went through an outpatient rehab program. I went back to my AA meetings and managed to stay sober for 8 weeks. My husband and I went on vacation inMay and I fell no alcohol involved and ruptured my Achilles' tendon and just had had surgery a few weeks ago. I am in a cast for 6 weeks. Still I managed to get alcohol delivered to me. To make thing real . I have one son and he is getting married in 7 weeks. He has told me in no uncertain terms that if I do not get my act together I will not be able to attend his wedding. My husband and I are paying for 1/2 the wedding and my son is paying for the other half. I  had my last drink last Thursday. I am so tired of the lying the guilt,the sneaking . My husband has stuck by my side has been there for me through all this disarray. I am glad I found this online as it is hard for me to get to meetings in my current situation. My husband is going to take me to a meeting later this afternoon. I have been praying and want to go back to the person I used to be. I'm so tire of this charade. Any insight or help will be welcomed and thank you all in the fellowship