My courage must come each day, as does my desire to avoid a single drink or a single addictive act. It must be a continuing courage, without deviations and procrastination, without rashness, and without fear of obstacles. This would seem like a large order indeed, were it not for the fact that it is confined to this one day, and that within this day much power is given to me. Do I extend the Serenity Prayer to my entire life?
Today I Pray
May each new morning offer me a supply of courage to last me during the day. If my courage is renewed each day and I know that I need just a day's worth, that courage will always be fresh and the supply will not run out. May I realize, as days pass, that what I feared during the earliest days of my recovery I no longer fear, that my daily courage is now helping me cope with bigger problems.
Today I Will Remember
God give me courage - just for today.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
"The strangest thing happened," said my friend, a lovably neurotic, very obsessive businessman in his mid-forties.
"I was watching one of those afternoon TV talk shows. This one was about problem kids. A parent comes on. She talks about how out of control her child is. Then a parenting expert comes on. He does tough love with the kids, like a drill sergeant, screaming and getting in their faces. Then he takes the troubled kids for a week and straightens them out.
"So this nine-year-old boy comes on. He's been a monster. Killing animals in the neighborhood. Driving his mother nuts. The drill sergeant guy gets right up in this kid's face. He's screaming. 'You think you're tough? You're a tough guy?'
"The expert's screaming at the kid. The kid is just standing there. And I'm watching this thinking, 'Maybe this kid is just a bad seed.'
"'How'd you like me to come home with you for a week? Be in your face like this all the time,' the expert hollered. 'Would you like that?'
"'Yes,' the boy said.
"'What did you say? Yes? You'd like that? Why would you like that?'
"'Because I don't have a dad,'" the kid said. The boy's lip quivered. The expert got silent. The audience went nuts. But that's not the strange thing," my friend said. "Melody, I started crying. Sobbing like a baby. I haven't cried for ten years."
"What do you think that was about?" I asked.
"I realized how much I missed having a dad," he said. "When people asked me, I always said it wasn't important. I didn't know until I saw that show and started crying that you could miss something you never had."
Sometimes we don't know what or whom we're missing.
"How can I stop feeling so blue about being separated from my children?" another friend asked when business had taken him away from home for a month.
"You're asking the wrong person," I said. "It has been eleven years since my son died, and I still miss him every day."
Grief. It may strike suddenly, catching our heart by surprise. Or it may pound relentlessly and persistently for years, like ocean waves beating on the shore.
Whether we're conscious of what or whom we're missing, our heart knows. We may never be happy about our loss, but it is possible to be happy again.
Grief isn't an abnormal condition. It's nature's way of healing our heart.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Be yourself. Who else is better qualified? --Frank J. Giblin, II
Almost every magazine devotes its cover to movie stars and famous personalities. We are taught that we need to look like the most attractive and glamorous people. We need to wear what they wear, eat what they eat, and fix our hair like theirs. The message we are given is: Don't be yourself, be like someone else.
There will always be someone who looks better than we do, has more money, scores better on tests, or has more creative skills. If we're always trying to mimic other people, we won't be looking at ourselves. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it keeps us from being ourselves.
We need to stop focusing on what others have that we don't have. We need to look inward at our good qualities as well as our imperfections. We need to see who we are by being ourselves. Life is not made up of people who are good and bad, happy and sad, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly. Life is made up of people being themselves.
I will start to be myself. Help me show others the real me, not an imitation.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
How the I pervades all things! --William Ellery Channing
If we could extract the "I" from our thoughts, some of us would lose our focus. We have a tendency to think only of our comfort, our convenience, our point of view, our feelings, and our happiness.
What if we made a conscious effort every day to put someone else first? What would it cost? The results may surprise us, because one of the spiritual paradoxes is that putting another first, makes us happy. It may be hard for the I in us to release its hold, but focusing on the needs of someone else can bring us a sense of deep personal satisfaction.
Today I will focus on the needs of those around me, before my own.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. --Rainer Maria Rilke
For a relationship to be healthy and fulfilling, each of us must respect the other. "Two solitudes" is exactly what we are, and we will never be one, no matter how close we become. It may feel like that at times, but we always remain separate persons with our own thoughts, feelings, dreams, and interests.
When we love one another, we allow each other to be who we are, to have our own lives, for it is out of those separate lives that we bring strength and energy and life into our relationships.
We are meant to honor the differences between us. Often these differences lead to squabbles, but when we recognize that each of us is necessary to the union we have created, we create a better one, far superior to the sum of its parts.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
The trouble is not that we are never happy - it is that happiness is so episodical. --Ruth Benedict
Happiness is our birthright. The decision to be happy is ours to make, every day, when confronted with any experience. Too many of us grew up believing that life needed to be a certain way for us to be happy. We looked for the right lover, the right job, the right dress. We looked outside of ourselves for the key to happiness. In time, we even looked to alcohol, drugs, food perhaps - to no avail.
Happiness lies within. We must encourage it to spring forth. But first we need to believe that happiness is fully within our power. We must trust that the most difficult circumstances won't keep it from us when we have learned to tap the source within.
Life is a gift we are granted moment by moment. Let us be in awe of the wonder of it, and then revel in it. We can marvel at creation for a moment and realize how special we are to be participants. Happiness will overcome us if we let it. We can best show our gratitude for the wonder of this gift by smiling within and without.
That I am here is a wonderful mystery to which joy is the natural response. It is no accident that I am here.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Progress, Not Perfection. --Alcoholics Anonymous slogan
We don't expect our lives to be perfect. We don't expect ourselves to be perfect. We just want to stop the insanity of addiction and begin to live lives that make sense.
We don't expect to be perfect, but most of us do want to be good. We can actually live up to that goal now that we are sober. It takes a lot of work, and always seeing new ways to improve. Working the Steps helps us learn a great deal about how we can be better people. Having the love and support of our recovery friends and the guidance of our sponsor gives us the strength and help we need.
In fact, the work of being a good person brings many rewards. We invite spiritual teachers into our lives, we make true friends, we gain respect for ourselves, and we find that others respect us too.
Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, help me see today how I can pitch in to make things better in some way at work, at home, or for someone who needs a bit of kindness.
Today's Action
What's one small thing I am willing to do in the next twenty-four hours to bring a bit of goodness to a situation? Call a friend who needs support? Bring flowers to work to brighten the day? Take time to really visit with a child? I will make a decision to do one special thing and do it!
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
The less able I am to believe in our epoch and the more arid and depraved mankind seems in my eyes, the less I look to revolution as the remedy and the more I believe in the magic of love. --Hermann Hesse
We have been more likely to look outward than inward for solutions to problems. Yet this program is changing us from within. As we come to terms with ourselves, as we learn to be in relationships with friends and family, the same picture that looked so dismal in past years may look full of possibilities and even rich in the present. The love we feel toward others and the love we receive change our perceptions.
We need not expect all relationships to be alike. One friend may be a wonderful recreational buddy, but perhaps we wouldn't talk about everything in our life with that person. Another friend is comfortable and we can be ourselves but we may not be challenged to grow or change. No friendship, no spouse, no one person can be enough in our life. But as a group they sustain and enrich us. We need the love and contact with them all.
I am thankful for love, which gives meaning and hope to life.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Another of the mottoes of A.A. is "But for the Grace of God." Once we have fully accepted the program we become humble about our achievement. We do not take too much credit for our sobriety. When we see another suffering alcoholic in the throes of alcoholism, we say to ourselves: "But for the grace of God, there go I." We do not forget the kind of people we were. We remember those we left behind us. And we are very grateful to the grace of God, which has given us another chance. Am I truly grateful for the grace of God?
Meditation for the Day
A consciousness of God's presence as One who loves you makes all life different. The consciousness of God's love promotes the opening of your whole being to God. It brings wonderful relief from the cares and worries of our daily lives. Relief brings peace and peace brings contentment. Try to walk in God's love. You will have that peace which passes all understanding and a contentment that no one can take from you. Feel sure of God's unfailing love and care for you and for all His children. There is freedom and serenity in those who walk in God's love, held safe in His loving care.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may walk in God's love. I pray that, as I go, I may feel the spring of God's power in my steps and the joy of His love in my heart.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Before he closed his eyes, he let them wander round his old room . . . familiar and friendly things . . . which were so glad to see him again and could always be counted on for the same simple welcome. --Kenneth Grahame
When they moved into the house, the room at the top of the stairs was just a junk room. As the years passed, they slowly transformed the room into a guest room.
When they decided they needed another voice in the house, they transformed the room again. Out went the fold-out couch, in came a crib and rocking chair; off went the art gallery prints from the walls, up went Winnie-the-Pooh. It was no longer a guest room, but a place for the baby, a new - and permanent - member of the family.
We always have room for more in our lives. When we are ready for it, what we need for growth will emerge.
What do the rooms inside our homes and ourselves have to tell us about the way we live our lives?
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
To the rationally minded, the mental processes of the intuitive appear to work backward. His conclusions are reached before his premises. --Frances Wickes
Intuition is a valuable form of wisdom that often seems mystical. We lose our keys and can't find them in any of the usual places and then an idea pops into our mind about where to find them. Only after the fact can we explain maybe why that spot came to mind. That's intuition. Or, on a higher plane, we have a feeling that a certain choice in our life would be a big mistake, or one day, for no clear reason, we expect our partner to tell us something important.
The wisdom of our intuition deserves our great respect. It is a valuable guide. Even though it is not 100 percent accurate, and we cannot expect it to be, we should not violate ourselves by contradicting it. Instead, we grow by developing our intuition, listening to what we imagine and what we feel, and following our instincts. Intuition is another form of spiritual strength.
Today I will listen to my inner feelings about things, even when I don't immediately understand them rationally.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
When we take the Ninth Step, we must be willing to be absolutely honest. Obviously, though, indiscriminate "absolute honesty" would blow the roof off many a house and entirely destroy some relationships. We must hold nothing back through deceit and pride; we may need to hold something back by discretion and consideration of others. Just when and how we tell the truth - or keep silent - can often reveal the difference between genuine integrity and none at all. Am I grateful for the products of truth which, through the grace of God, I have been privileged to receive?
Today I Pray
May I have the wisdom to know the fine-line difference between tact and dishonesty. In my eagerness to make restitution, may I not be the charmer, the flatterer or the crawler who insists, "You're so good, and I'm so bad." All are forms of dishonesty and hark back to the role-playing days of my active addiction. May I recognize them.
Today I Will Remember
Tact is honest selectivity.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Maturity doesn't come with age or intellectual wisdom, only with love. --Ruth Casey
We may have thought being mature meant being "grown-up." This meant acting rationally, showing good judgment, no longer exhibiting childish behavior. It's doubtful that we ever considered the expression of love as an act of maturity. However, we are learning that the key to sustained growth is the ability to love one another and ourselves.
It seems so much easier to focus on others' faults than on their assets. In childhood we learned to compete with our classmates, and this taught us to be critical of one another. No teacher tested us on how we expressed love; rather, we worked on spelling and multiplication tables, and we were pitted against other students for the gold stars.
Now we are discovering how much more comfortable life is when we all get gold stars. We are handling every situation more sanely now that we have realized the gift of serenity that accompanies our expression of love.
My growth, my maturity in this program, can best be measured by my attitude today. Am I loving, or am I still competing with the others?
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
To have one's individuality completely ignored is like being pushed quite out of life. Like being blown out as one blows out a light. --Evelyn Scott
We need to know that we matter in this life. We need evidence that others are aware of our presence. And thus, we can be certain that others need the same attention from us. When we give it, we get it. So the giving of attention to another searching soul meets our own need for attention as well.
Respectful recognition of another's presence blesses that person, ourselves, and God. And we help one another grow, in important ways, each time we pay the compliment of acknowledgment.
We're not sure, on occasion, just what we have to offer our friends, families, co-workers. Why we are in certain circumstances may have us baffled, but it's quite probably that the people we associate with regularly need something we can give them; the reverse is just as likely. So we can begin with close attention to people in our path. It takes careful listening and close observation to sense the message another soul may be sending to our own.
I will be conscious of the people around me. I shall acknowledge them and be thankful for all they are offering me.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet. --Isaac B. Singer
We all know men and women who are too often critical and negative. Sometimes we, too, are these people. And when we fall into this trap of negativity, our life becomes unnecessarily complicated.
Any behavior we commit to practicing regularly is strengthened, whether it's positive or negative. It benefits us then to practice developing and holding a positive outlook rather than a negative one. Making the decision, each day, to quiet our mind, clearing it of negative expectations, is not a mysterious or difficult undertaking. It is rather an opportunity to influence in meaningful ways the many experiences we're destined to have.
We're empowered by claiming responsibility for how we perceive and respond to our opportunities, and thus for whom we are becoming.
I will look at today as a day full of promise with hope and gladness in my heart.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
The lust of power is not rooted in strength, but in weakness. --Erich Fromm
We believed alcohol or other drugs could help us control our happiness. But now we're learning to rely on faith for our happiness. Faith is about leaving things to our Higher Power's control. Instead of wanting the control ourselves, we trust our Higher Power will help us handle things that come along.
In recovery, we work at having more faith. Faith in a Higher Power. Faith in the Steps. Faith in our groups. Faith that our lives will get better if we don't use chemicals and we work an honest recovery program. Faith makes life a lot easier.
Prayer for the Day Higher Power, surround me with Your love. Give me strength to do hard things. Give me faith to know that I'm not alone.
Action for the Day Today, I'll notice how I still want to be in control. I'll remind myself that it's okay to Let Go and Let God.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Even if you understand and follow all of the rules for more effectively engaging manipulators, life with them is not likely to be easy. --George K. Simon Jr.
Sometimes they want something. Sometimes they want someone to give them something or to feel a particular way. They want power in some way, shape, or form. Manipulators prey on our weak spots.
Obsession and guilt are weapons. Manipulators get us to use these weapons on ourselves.
Sometimes we can disengage from manipulators - walk away, set a clear limit, be done with them. Other times, it's not that easy. We may be at least temporarily stuck with a boss or authority figure that indulges in heavy manipulation. One of our children may be going through a relentlessly manipulative period. We may have a parent whom we care about deeply who has adapted manipulation as a way of life.
Learn how to effectively deal with manipulators. Not everyone means what they say. . . Learn to recognize when others are telling you what they believe you want to hear. Learn to not react, stay clear, practice nonresistance, and stay true to yourself.
Be gentle with yourself if you have a manipulator in your life. You're not responsible for the other person's attempts at manipulation. You're responsible for staying clear.
God, help me let go the weak spots in myself that allow me to fall prey to manipulations. Help me stay clear of guilt and obsession so I can decide what's best for me.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
How do we feel when someone says, "I love you"? Do we feel a rush of warmth throughout our bodies? Do we walk a little taller? Do smiles come more easily to our lips? Words of love are inspirational. They bring out the best in us; perhaps they even encourage us to move in new directions, set new goals, attempt the unfamiliar.
Loving and being loved soften the hard edges of life. No stormy day is really bleak when we share it with a loving friend. No formidable challenge is too overwhelming when a loved one is nudging us forward, certain of our capacity to succeed. And the mirror reflects brighter eyes and fewer lines when we carry the knowledge that we're loved.
Let's share this knowledge with someone else now and spread the beauty around us.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.
It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling. There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given. It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.
It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.
The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discovering an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.
Today, I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them. --Oscar Wilde
The mature person eventually forgives his parents. Any adult can look back and see childhood wrongs and unfairness. Many of us were disappointed by our parents, even neglected or hurt by them. We certainly didn't get all we wanted or needed. Yet, upon joining the ranks of adults, we become responsible for ourselves. Every situation has limited choices, and we work with what we've got. As adults, we realize this is exactly where our parents were when we were children. They, too, were born into an imperfect world and had to do the best they could.
When we can forgive our parents, we are free to accept them as they are, as we might a friend. We can accept them, enjoy the relationship, and forget about collecting old debts. Making peace with them imparts to us the strengths of previous generations and helps us be more at peace with ourselves.
I pray for the maturity and the wisdom to be more forgiving of my parents.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm a lot better than when I was active in my addiction. But parts of my life still feel beyond my control. I don't mean earthquakes or floods. I mean getting to the dentist, repairing the car, doing the laundry, eating well. There are a lot of things I'm not taking care of the way I think I should.
Sponsor
Part of applying Steps Six and Seven to our lives is to take a look at simple behaviors that are keeping us uncomfortable and unbalanced in our recovery. Though we're not using addictive substances or behaviors, we may still be putting off the dentist, living on fast food, neglecting personal appearance, having no time for home or car maintenance, or letting bills pile up. The problems may seem minor such things as always arriving ten minutes late to work, routinely losing keys or eyeglasses, never finding time for exercise but they point to where we're stuck in our process of recovery. Over time, they pose risks to, rather than support of, our health and serenity.
We don't expect overnight cures, and we don't demand perfection of ourselves. We begin with awareness of what isn't working well for us. Then, each day, we take a small step toward change.
Today, I acknowledge a habit that stands between me and my serenity. I'm willing to take one small step toward changingit.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
If one is going to be truthful, one has to be very tender. --Florida Scott-Maxwell
Honesty is always the best policy, right? We glibly recite that saying, but it's important to reevaluate its meaning when we are eager to correct or direct the actions of the other people. If being honest will unnecessarily harm them, perhaps being silent is better.
The program is helping us restructure our lives. We discover that many former, automatic responses no longer fit who we desire to be. That means we have to try new, less-practiced behaviors, such as being honest without being harsh or critical.
Learning tenderness is possible. With the help of this program and one another, we are learning to express the acceptance and love that have been given to us by our Higher Power. Giving away what we have been given is sharing the truth absolutely.
I will not hurt anyone today by any comment. I will truthfully share the love and acceptance I have been given.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Our program is founded on wisdom, and the wisdom of the program is the light of our lives. It shines into the dark comers of the spirit where the myths lurk that would degrade rather than create, entrap rather than set free. Wisdom lets us see what and whose game is being played. Is it my game or yours? Not to know the difference is to dangle like a puppet from a set of strings hooked to head and limbs.
It may be a game of guilt, of taking responsibility for someone else's life, of accepting peace at any price - or any number of enslaving games. Without the wisdom of the program, how could we know? Without wisdom, how could we learn to give ourselves credit for how far we have come rather than berate ourselves for how slow we are moving? What a relief and a comfort to be able to rely on our wise Steps and Traditions for fail-safe guidance.
Today, I am grateful for the program's teachings.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
"Oh, God, help me! If you get me out of this mess, I'll never screw up again." This was our favorite prayer before we entered the Program. We were always bargaining with God.
We have learned new prayers and a new way to talk and listen to our Higher Power. We are seeking God's will for us. Many of us had to learn how to pray. We began with very simple prayers: "Thank you, God, for helping me today."
We learn that prayer helps us with our faulty dependence on people, places, and things by giving us the insight and strength to rearrange our priorities. Prayer doesn't change God, but it changes those who pray.
Today in my prayers, I will seek my Higher Power's will for me. I no longer bargain with God.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I feel at this age I can go overboard and be as ridiculous as I want. --Miriam Hofmeier
A real blessing of growing old is the freedom it gives us to be who we really are. Of course, we could have been our real selves our whole lives. No doubt some of us were. However, far too many of us struggled to impress others with the person we thought we ought to be, and in the process, we lost a lot of real living. Fortunately, it's never too late to project the real us.
Do we know for certain who we really are? Age is no guarantee that we do. Living through others is not so uncommon, unfortunately, and if that describes us, then we still have the task of discovering who we really are. But let's think of it as an adventure rather than a task. It's a journey, one that promises to be full of surprises.
We have earned the right to speak our minds. We have earned the right to whatever beliefs appeal to us. Most particularly, we have earned the right to spend our days fulfilling whatever dreams we want. We're lucky.
Being as silly as I want to be today feels good. I have it coming!
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
