I used to think I was so special. Wherever I went, and whatever I did, inside Id constantly be thinking, Look at me! Notice what Im doing, what Im wearing, etc. I used to think that the world revolved around me and that I was too unique and special to extend myself and help somebody. Someone else can be kind and save the world, Id think, Im way too important and busy for that. Because of this self-absorption, people avoided me, and I ended up being ignored and alone.
When I entered recovery, I brought my self-centered point of view with me. I secretly felt that as soon as people saw how I did the Steps, there would be a revolution within all of A.A. As I began working them, however, and my ego began breaking down, and I had to confront the fact that I was no more special than anyone else. My sponsor told me I suffered from terminal uniqueness and the sooner I let go of that delusion the better off Id be. And the quickest way to do that, he suggested, was to get humble and help someone.
I used to think there were too many people and situations that needed help, so what was the point of extending myself? But then one day at a meeting I was told a story. Two people walking on a beach where a hundred starfish had washed up and were stranded on the shore. One of the guys picked one up and threw it back into the sea. The other guy asked what he did that for. With all the other starfish lying on the beach dying, throwing one back isnt going to make a difference, he said. It made a difference to that one, the other guys replied.
And so it is with putting aside my feelings of terminal uniqueness. Today, I want to make a difference to that one starfish.
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Copyright @ 2017 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
