... all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well. --Julian of Norwich
Why are we prone to exaggerating the seriousness of the circumstances in our lives? Perhaps it's because we lived for years barely on the fringe of sensible choices. We reacted hysterically to all manner of experiences, the mundane as well as the momentous. Our reactions could turn any situation sour. At long last we are learning a new behavior, but it takes practice.
As we learn to rely on a Higher Power to help us handle our experiences, we begin to grow in peace and the belief that all is well. Even when we are tormented by a decision, we can have faith that our Higher Power will lead us where we need to go. Our part of the bargain is to ask for help and to be open to guidance.
I will know peace today because I will trust my Higher Power's guidance in the situations I face. All will be well if I do my part.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Somewhere in our past life, we may have picked up the idea that it's not all right to ask for help, that asking for help would be a sign of weakness. Recovery calls for some basic changes in our thinking, and when we feel vulnerable is the best time to reach out and ask for help from our Higher Power, from our program, and from our friends in recovery. It's hard for us, at first. We may be afraid of rejection, or of being laughed at for not knowing all the answers. But once we've taken the risk and openly asked for help, we realize our fears are a part of the past, and we can leave them behind us.
In asking for help, we acknowledge that we can't do it all by ourselves. We surrender once again to powerlessness. And we give others the joy and satisfaction of helping us.
Today if I'm feeling I'm on a "solo-fight," help me to reach out and find support just by asking.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice. --Maya Angelou
We had to surrender to a power greater than ourselves to get to where we are today. And each day, we have to turn to that power for strength and guidance. For us, resistance means struggle - struggle with others as well as an internal struggle.
Serenity isn't compatible with struggle. We cannot control forces outside of ourselves. We cannot control the actions of our family or our co-workers. We can control our responses to them. And when we choose to surrender our attempts to control, we will find peace and serenity.
That which we abhor, that which we fear, that which we wish to conquer seems suddenly to be gone when we decide to resist no more - to tackle it no more.
The realities of life come to us in mysterious ways. We fight so hard, only to learn that what we need will never be ours until the struggle is forsaken. Surrender brings enlightenment.
Life's lessons are simple once I give up the struggle.
The program is helping us restructure our lives. We discover that many former, automatic responses no longer fit who we desire to be. That means we have to try new, less-practiced behaviors, such as being honest without being harsh or critical.
Learning tenderness is possible. With the help of this program and one another, we are learning to express the acceptance and love that have been given to us by our Higher Power. Giving away what we have been given is sharing the truth absolutely.
I will not hurt anyone today by any comment. I will truthfully share the love and acceptance I have been given.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
He who requires urging to do a noble act will never accomplish it. --Kahlil Gibran
The Third Step speaks of willingness. Willingness puts our hearts and souls into the task at hand. Willingness doesn't get rid of the fears, but it helps us find the courage to work through them. Willingness doesn't give us the knowledge to solve the problem, but it may give us the energy to leave our isolation and seek out others with the knowledge. Willingness doesn't do away with ego; it just shows us an alternative to ego. Willingness is the voice of our Higher Power saying, "I believe in you and want you to do the same." Willingness is the seed wanting to break through the soil to see the light of day, to be what it is meant to be.
Prayer for the Day
I pray for willingness to do the next right thing. I seek courage, knowledge, the support of others, and my Higher Power's guidance.
Today's Action
I will work to notice how willingness is behind all actions. I will work today to be a willing participant in my own life, and in my own recovery.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. --The Serenity Prayer
Newcomer
What if the person to whom I'm trying to make amends is still too angry to accept my apology or doesn't want anything to do with me?
Sponsor
This is an important question. When we speak our amends aloud or write them in a letter, as long as we have acknowledged the harm we've done and are committed to doing things differently, then our amends are genuine and we've done our part.
One of the things over which we have no control is the way another person reacts to our amends. He or she may be understanding, even loving and generous, or may not be as ready to forgive us as we are to acknowledge the harm we've done. Hearing from us may revive old anger or pain. Some may think we're trying to get off easy. Our recovery itself may cause resentment.
In time, friends' or relatives' attitudes may change or they may not. We can't force other human beings to forgive us or to want us in their lives, and we can't make things happen on our timetable.
Today, I do my part by taking appropriate actions; I turn over the results of those actions to my Higher Power.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
What does my heart have to say today? Am I happy? Or am I troubled? We will find this out if we slow down and listen to our words. We can also hear our spirit in the tone of our words.
We are to meditate. Meditation is about slowing down so we can hear what our spirit is trying to tell us. Meditation is listening. Our spirit is but a quiet whisper inside us. To hear it we must quiet ourselves.
Slowing down allows us to find our center. As we find our center we find our spirit and our Higher Power.
Do I take the time needed to slow myself down? Do I take the time to listen - to listen to my heart?
Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, teach me to slow down. Teach me to listen. Teach me to hear Your whispers as well as Your yells.
Action for the Day
Today, I will take a half hour to slow down and listen. I will find a place to relax and listen to my heart and my words.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Today, celebrate who you are. Yes, you have much in common with other people. But you're also uniquely you.
Grab a piece of paper and something to write with. Now write down:
1. A lesson that you have learned in life. 2. A talent that you have, no matter how quirky. 3. Your favorite meal. 4. The name of a friend who respects and likes you for who you are. 5. An activity that you enjoy.
Now, pick up the phone and call your friend. Invite him or her to a celebration with you. Do the activity that you enjoy go for a walk, go to a ballgame, sit at home and watch videos, whatever you like to do. Then prepare your favorite meal or go to a restaurant and have them prepare it. Show your friend your talent remember this person likes and respects you for who you are. So if you can balance e a ping pong ball on the tip of your nose, go ahead and do that. Show him or her how good you are. Talk to your friend about the lessons you have learned, and invite him or her to share a lesson learned from you.
Instead of fussing and worrying about how different you are, be grateful that you're unique.
Celebrate being you.
God, thanks for me, too.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.
No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. Were afraid people wont like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a good employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.
The problem is, if we dont learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.
When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.
When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.
If were scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We dont have to offer long explanations for our decisions.
When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our nos and our yess begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: No isnt really that hard to say.
Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
In wildness is the preservation of the world. - Henry David Thoreau
Nature confronts us with its beauty in a flower or a furry animal. The awesomeness of nature is in a lightning bolt or a majestic mountain. Every variety of tree has its own uniquely textured bark. Each annual ring in a tree trunk is a natural record of the growing conditions in each year it grew. These things remind us we are not in charge, and we are moved by the experience.
This "wildness" is everywhere around us, and we are renewed by it when we interact with it. At night, in the city, we look up and see the ancient moon. When we live with a pet, it reminds us we are creatures too. We are part of this larger whole. We don't just appreciate nature -- we are nature. When we open our eyes and learn to be a part of it, it renews and lifts our spirits.
Today, I will notice my relationship with the sun and moon, with the plants and animals in my world.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. Marcus Aurelius
When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. Marcus Aurelius
Each day provides its own gifts. Marcus Aurelius
Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul. Marcus Aurelius
Confine yourself to the present. Marcus Aurelius
How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks. Marcus Aurelius
Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears. Marcus Aurelius
The only wealth which you will keep forever is the wealth you have given away. Marcus Aurelius
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. Marcus Aurelius
Marcus Aurelius (26 April 121 - 17 March 180 AD) was known as the philosopher emperor, and also the last of the Five Good Emperors of Rome. His notes, known these days as the Meditations, were written to himself to remind him that all the power and burdens he had meant nothing - his virtue was all. Without that all was just fools gold.
When I read his Meditations I see every step there. I also see a lot of stuff that baffles me, but maybe that's because I'm not zen like he was, or not smart enough, or possibly because nobody was ever silly enough to give me an empire to run. But the notes I do understand could be in the Big Book without looking out of place. Truth is universal.
Anyway, just thought I'd share. Hope they help.
And thanks Pappy. I enjoyed reading your posts in this thread. Much wisdom there.
-- Edited by One Day on Monday 10th of April 2017 07:49:04 AM
There can be a lot of hurt in love, and there is always risk, and one can't help wondering sometimes if there couldn't be a better way to live. --Merle Shain
We want to love and be loved, and we mistakenly believe the right significant other will complete our world. The pain and troubling times that fester within a growing, changing relationship aren't really part of the bargain -- or so we think -- and the decision to stay eludes us sometimes. We run, and then we find ourselves once again longing for completion with another.
What we must understand is that the journey, alone or in partnership, will be uphill at least half the time. But we must also believe the path will only be as rugged as it needs to be to ensure our fullest development.
We simply must trust that it's worth the effort to love, and love some more, even when it hurts, even when we see only darkness at the end of the tunnel. The light will dawn.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You have freedom when you're easy in your harness. --Robert Frost
Flowing with whatever comes to us in life eases us through each day's demands. When we resist change and the unfamiliar, we imprison ourselves and hide from God's invitations to grow. Only when we willingly experience God's lessons with trust and faith, and see them as blessings, are we able to wholeheartedly join in the stream of life.
With God in our life, what we once regarded as coincidence becomes the order of the day. Every situation and encounter weaves threads in the tapestry of our life, as we in turn are threads in the tapestry of others' lives.
The pattern unfolds every day that we live trusting that each moment is meant to bless us, educate us, and invite us to contribute our unique and necessary talents. God is here, now, guiding us. We only need to peacefully follow.
I will take it easy today in the sure knowledge that God will provide me with whatever I need.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It is often the fear of rejection that makes us afraid to give of ourselves. The person who is reluctant to share at a meeting may be holding back because of this fear. To share is to reveal who we are and where we are. If we feel inadequate, we do not want to expose this imagined inadequacy to other people.
If our self-image is too grand and inflated, we cannot possibly live up to it in reality. Expecting ourselves to be perfect sets us up for frustration and fear, since we know deep down that we do not measure up to our image of perfection.
With humility comes the willingness to give of what we have and what we are right now, without waiting until we are more eloquent or more accomplished. What we have to share is what someone else needs to receive. By focusing more on the needs of others and less on the imaginary concept of ourselves, which is our ego, we learn to overcome our fear of giving. What we have to give now is enough for today.
May I not be afraid to give.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
We can be redeemed only to the extent to which we see ourselves. --Martin Buber
"One of the best ways I know to get in touch with myself," a woman explained, "is to write my thoughts and feelings. When I express my reactions to the happenings of life - in the privacy of a journal - I can more easily sort out and work through my positive and negative feelings. A journal is a great tool for self-knowledge. And I don't have to be a great writer' to have it work. All I have to have is an earnest desire to know myself.
"You know, I've often surprised myself with my own insight and common-sense solutions to seemingly hopeless situations. And all I did was take time to clarify my thoughts by writing them down. It's wonderful to discover my deepest feelings and values. It's even greater to share my thoughts after they're clear in my own mind. Not only do I benefit from journal writing. But all my loved ones do too!"
TODAY - I will take time to get to know myself by putting my thoughts and feelings on paper. Clarifying my attitudesand reactions will help me share my concerns with others more calmly and serenely. I will also get a better perspective of myself and my experiences.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
SERVICE - A beautiful word fallen upon bad days. --Claude McKay
Service is really a beautiful word. Service means respect. When we serve others we're part of the human race. We all need to help each other.
Service is a sure way to stay sober. Helping someone else stay sober helps us stay sober. And service frees us from self-will. It teaches us about how to care for ourselves and others. It teaches us that we're worthwhile. It teaches us that we make a difference. Service keeps us feeling good.
Am I quiet when the topic of service comes up at meetings? If so, how can I change this?
Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, show me where I can be of help. Give me the courage to make a difference. Give me the courage to really serve others in need.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
When we do not know which way to turn, let us not be too proud to ask for directions. We have found our way to a program which can guide us out of the confusion and into an ordered, satisfying way of life. In our program, there are people who can give us the directions we need, if we will ask for help.
There is much that we can do on our own thoroughly studying the literature, establishing firm contact with our Higher Power. When we hit a snag, however, or are unsure of how to handle a difficult situation, we need to promptly seek the assistance our group provides. In order to receive help, we usually need to ask for it.
The illusion that we knew how to manage our lives and did not have to follow anyone else's directions was one of the causes of our difficulties and with life in general. Admitting that by ourselves we are powerless enables us to ask for the directions we need.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
As we work our program, we peel off layers of old, worn out thoughts and habits. The Program gives us a place to share old hurts and fears so that we are able to get rid of them. Our recovering friends accept us and give us the benefit of their experience. With their help, we are able to leave the old layers behind and move ahead.
We never stop learning and growing. When we are ready to accept it, our Higher Power reveals just as much truth to us as we can assimilate. Our Higher Power directs our progress through the Steps of this program as we are prepared to take them.
If we are sincere in our efforts, the right help will come when we need it. It may come through another member, a piece of literature, a new insight, or even a difficult experience. Peeling off and discarding worn out layers of ourselves is hard work and is often painful. But when we look back and see how we have grown, the satisfaction more than outweighs the pain.
Guide me as I peel away and leave behind the useless thoughts and habits I have accumulated.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Conscience is, in most men, an anticipation of the opinions of others. -- Sir Henry Taylor
We are no longer in doubt about the right actions to take toward others. The program's Steps clarify what is appropriate behavior. Thus we know that doing any injury - physical or emotional - to other people harms us as well as them.
One of the many rewards of recovery is being free to live without guilt. Name-calling, harmful gossip, intentional put-downs, hateful rejections no longer provide the perverse pleasure of years gone by. We now recognize the subtle joy of sincere and loving efforts. We find this joy in calling a friend who is faced with a painful decision, picking up groceries for an elderly neighbor, extending our friendship to the new person at work. We no longer need the fear of what others will think to curb our spiteful actions.
Our conscience may still guide our actions at times, but as we grow in our recovery, we begin to intuitively know what keeps us on track and in sync with God.
I will follow my God-given intuition today.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There will be times when other people will disappoint us - either intentionally or because of indifference or incompetence. If we have been counting on them, their nonperformance can cause us real anger and frustration.
Our growth, however, should teach us that such failures are part of life. While never losing trust in others, we must accept them as fallible people. Their mistakes and lapses come from the human shortcomings all of us have.
Our best course is to live without expecting too much from others. They are not here to please or satisfy us. It's possible, too, that we've been unrealistic in some of our expectations and have set ourselves up for disappointments.
Our personal responsibility is to do our best even when others fall short of our expectations. At the same time, we can grow by becoming more reliable and dependable ourselves.
We cannot use another's failure as an excuse for negligence on our part.
Today I'll expect the best, but I will know that I also have the spiritual resources to deal with the worst that can happen.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Part of the ego reduction necessary to our recovery is the acceptance of the fact that we are not and never will be perfect. Perfectionism gets in the way of recovery because it imposes impossible, unrealistic goals which guarantee failure. If we do not think we have to be perfect, then we can accept our mistakes as learning experiences and be willing to try again.
Deepening acquaintance with our Higher Power is good insurance against perfectionism. We come to believe that God accepts and loves us as we are, and this gives us the courage and humility to accept ourselves.
We are not perfect, but we are growing. In spite of our weaknesses, we can serve others according to God's plan for our lives. Accepting our own limitations makes us more tolerant of the faults and weaknesses of those around us. Together, we progress.
I am thankful that I don't need to be perfect.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
"This week, I went scuba diving," a man told me. "Hadn't done it for years. I forgot how much doing something I love, even for one afternoon, can change my entire outlook on life."
It's easy to tell ourselves we can't have what we want and can't do what we want. And sometimes, we can't. But once in a while, even for an afternoon, it is helpful to treat yourself.
How long has it been since you did something you loved? Are you willing to be open to what excites and inspires you? If you can't do what you love, can you find passion in what you are doing?
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
What is defeat?. . . Nothing but the first step to something better. --Wendell Phillips
A man walks into a meeting. He says, "I surrender. I can't drink like other folks." We smile and welcome him. We know that feeling. All of us in the program must admit defeat. Our illness is more powerful than we are. We begin recovery when we surrender.
Admitting defeat is our first step into a beautiful world. Like all first steps, it's hard. But what a world we find ourselves in! A world where we count! A world where all are really equal!
This first step brings us into God's world of care. We get love. We give love. We stay sober because daily we admit defeat.
Prayer for the Day
I surrender. I can't drink and use other drugs. I'm different. Higher Power, help me surrender daily.
Action for the Day
Every so often, I need to admit defeat and talk about what it was like, what happened, and where I am now.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
A weed is but an unloved flower. --Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Through actively loving one another we nurture the richness of everyone's fuller expression. With no more than a nod of attention we can elicit a smile or perhaps a commitment to attempt again a challenge that defeated us earlier. None of us shines as brightly, moves as swiftly, or succeeds as easily as when someone special is rooting in our corner.
We each need someone special, and let's not forget that we are someone special to another who is walking our path. The loneliness of a day is diminished when we feel the love of someone near or far. The dread of any task is lessened when we bask in the knowledge that we are special to someone. Like roses, we bloom while under the gaze of loving eyes.
Let's remember to nurture the rose within the friends and strangers who are walking our way today.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
How do we know what God's will is, especially when we're running around with a severe case of self-will run riot? How can we make sure the choices we're making are God's will when our options seem confusing and we're not sure what to do? What about when we do something we think is God's will and it doesn't work out? Do we blame ourselves? Or do we count our mistakes as lessons we needed to learn along the way?
Sometimes when I recover from a particularly exhausting bout of self-will, I think that my mistakes were just a waste of my time. But then something happens, and I see that my worst mistakes are recyclable. What I learn from mistakes translates into something else that works out for the good.
We do have choices, and they have consequences. Most philosophers agree that free will is the greatest gift given to human beings. And we're responsible for what we choose or don't choose. But most of us, who have some practice with God's will, agree that there's a little extra something taking place.
Getting a publishing contract to write my book Codependent No More was a passion and a dream I'd had for years. But when I went down into my basement to write it, I hit the wall. I didn't know what to say.
It finally turned into one of those surrender deals. What am I thinking of? I said to myself. If it's God's will, the book will get done. And if its not part of God's plan for my life, then it doesn't matter whether it gets done or not. There's something else I'm meant to do. I could see how futile and ridiculous it was to worry about whether anything would - or wouldn't work out.
No matter what happened or didn't, God's will was more than enough.
With all my ups and downs, I still believe with all my heart that God's will is the best thing around.
There's a peace, a harmony, a rhythm to God's will. It's a solid undercurrent, a path that takes us through, over, or around whatever we face, including the Unknown. We don't always know when we've gotten out of or away from it, but we can sure feel it when we get back on track.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. --Rainer Maria Rilke
Mature love is a powerful and wonderful thing that has to be learned in adulthood. Children are certainly capable of loving and receiving love, but they are not yet fully formed as individuals. Adult intimacy is like a bridge spanning the space between two people. When our intimate partner confides in us and becomes vulnerable, our task is to make that moment safe. And when we become vulnerable, we have a right to the same safety - which means no disrespect and no demeaning or abusive behavior. When someone puts trust in us, it is our duty to honor it.
Some of us grew up in families where love was paired with abuse and disrespect. The very people who loved us sometimes deliberately hurt us. As adults we may find ourselves being more decent and polite to strangers than to our loved ones. This becomes our adult challenge: to act respectfully to our loved ones and protect and honor the trust they have placed in us.
Today I will be most respectful of my intimate partner, who is the most vulnerable to me.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I wish I hadn't lost track of the guys I was stationed with. I kick myself for that. --Tom Harding
We all have regrets, don't we? Some of us left jobs or spouses or neighborhoods only to wish we hadn't. Perhaps we closed the door on our family of origin and then felt grief when parents or siblings died. More commonly we regret the instances when our mean spirited behavior or attitude hurt someone else. We weren't always honest and forthright; we didn't always try to help a friend or co-worker who needed our advice. We simply didn't put our best self forward when the opportunities for doing so presented themselves.
Dwelling on the "shoulds" of past years is fruitless. We did the best we knew how to do at the time. The past is gone. Let's quit digging up the bones of old regrettable experiences. All they do is cloud our minds when we're trying to respond to today's opportunities.
I won't have anything to regret tomorrow if I respond to today with my best self.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Principle over Personality - Looking ahead to this day, I may face a possible conflict with another person over a certain issue. How should I respond to this?
If I'm to follow my principles, I should hold to the idea of seeking the best outcome for everybody concerned. It may be very harmful to look at these conflicts as a case of winning or losing. If I seem to win when I'm wrong, I will lose in the long run. If I seem to lose even when I'm right, I can know that there's a just resolution of everything in time. I will always win, however, if I keep my thinking straight and take care to avoid resentment and bitterness.
It's not surprising that the world is beset by conflicts. Millions of people have conditioned themselves to selfish ways of thinking and behaving that are bound to cause such conflicts. Much harm is done by people who are absolutely sure they are right at all times.
As human beings, we cannot expect to be excluded from these conflicts simply because we have a Twelve Step program. We do, however, have a means of dealing with such conflicts effectively when we respond according to principle. This makes us privileged people, in a way, but it is good to know that any person can have the same privileges by following the right principles.
Unpleasant as any conflict may seem, it does give me an opportunity to learn and to grow. I will seek to benefit from any such conflict today.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
