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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Dating someone in recovery, please help me understand
Post Info TOPIC: Dating someone in recovery, please help me understand
Zoein


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Dating someone in recovery, please help me understand
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Hi,

 

So I'm really new to this, and I've been talking to this guy for a little over a year now. We finally started to date back on November 7th. Everything was great or so I thought and He was two years sober. I wanted to support him through his recovery, offered to go to meetings with him and whatever he needed for me to do. I went with him to his two year pin ceremony ( i think that's what it is called) and was really happy to see the look on his face when he received it.

He had a lot of things happen in his life at the same time, promotion at work, childhood pet die, best friend from work die and on top of that, shuffling around from place to place to live until finally he made the decision to get his own apartment. We spent several weekends finding the right apartment for him and he seemed happy. We spent an inordinate amount of time together and enjoyed every moment of it.

About two weeks ago, we were out running errands and at the end of the night, he pulls me aside and tells me that he needs to be single for a while. He tells me that he's pulled too far away from his AA program and he is afraid that he's going to relapse. Since then, he's cut off 99% of the communication with me, basic cordial hellos, brief messages but really I feel worthless to him now when I once was an integral part of his life.

I still love him so much and want to really be there for him and make this work, if there is a future. I really don't know how to feel. I have moments of anger, disappointment and just extreme sadness because of the way he left. I'm reaching out to this community in hopes that I can better understand how he feels, and how I should feel. Did I do anything wrong, am I doing anything wrong now?

All I want to do is talk to him and truly understand what's going on. I'm not some lovesick puppy that's trying to win him over, but if given the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with him, there's no doubt in my mind that's what I want to do, faults, flaws and all.

I've done my own fair share of research on the program, recovery steps, talked to friends who have been part of the program and even a friend that's a sponsor. I don't know where else to go from here, or what to do about him, if I have the ability to do anything.

That's the short version of the story.

 

Please Help!



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Visionz


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Unacceptable. You are not some bench warmer that he can call in when he wants. (Unless you are into that sorta thing).

I would tell this knucklehead to beat it he missed his chance.



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Pythonpappy


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Hey Zoein, ... I feel most people in recovery would jump at the chance to develop a meaningful relationship ... to see their sober life takeoff and become something wonderful ... This guy sounds like he has issues other than alcohol ... and perhaps needs some professional help ... With the circumstances you described, it sounds as though he's cut you off and will not have a meaningful discussion with you ... that's very unfortunate ...

Be smart, try to reason with him, and if he still will not 'open up', then chalk it up to experience and move on with your life ... life is too short to waste time on a dud ...



Good Luck and God Bless,
Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Tanin


MIP Old Timer

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Seems like a tough situation, Z.

You can get some input here that may be useful. You can also try our Al-Anon forum at:

alanon.activeboard.com

There are people there who have been where you are.

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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 
Db1105


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I don't see this as a "recovery" issue, but more of a dating situation. In a nutshell, you dated for just over 3 months. It sounds like it's not working out for him, and he decided to move on.

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richard23


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davidreed


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