Long overdue to speak about this. *Sigh*. Welllllll.....I hope you guys can be kind to me. I work in the adult entertainment industry. 27yrs old now but heavy drinking to blackout since I was 19 yrs old. I'd take 1 monthly vacation each year from my job for the alcohol and sleep all day with non stop excessive sweating. It's been a daily thing of blackout, embarrassing texts, drunken calls, etc. for the past few 8 months with no daily break. I was a fool who used all my money to buy a house. Can't sell the house due to closing costs being 10,000 and I have like 15 dollars in my account. I know, I made a big mistake and feel trapped in my job because I was an idiot who put every dime in their house. I'm trying to sell it but can't of course.
I'd like to blame the industry on my choice to self medicate, which is how I started, but I realize I find myself feeling isolated, depressed, upset, at certain things and it has caused me to leave family functions to drink alone and cry due to my own issues. I can't blame the industry 100%. I feel stupid posting about this here and may be in the wrong place to post this. I've had 2 seizures while drinking very heavily but didn't know that was a side effect so thought nothing of it. I no longer can get drunk no matter how many hours I drink or how quickly I down 80 proof vodka anymore. I don't know what to do to continue drinking normally. Researched supplements, etc. to make me feel happy. It did nothing. I'm pretty panicked since I now have no income and high to get me through my day at the same time. Pretty scared. I simply can't do my job sober. AT ALL. Not sure what to do.
Welcome to this forum, E89. We here know what you have been going through and how you are feeling now.
The important commitment that most of us made was to stop using alcohol. That seems hard to do. But we did it. The main thing to know is that there is a way out.
There are many approaches to achieving sobriety. AA is one of them. Most people here use that.
