My son and daughter have both made it plain they don't want me in their life. Can't say I blame them, they only know the bloke I was.
Both have said they want no contact, want to be left alone. It's been nearly 11 years now. These are my ongoing amends as they stated, using the words (daughter) your ongoing amends are to stay the fuck out of my life. (Son) fuck off and never contact me.
I have no idea even where my daughter lives. Son I think lives with his mum, my ex, and changed his name.
Around this time of year I trawl social media for them both. Found the son, big handsome lad, cares about his mum and sister and has a long term girlfriend.
This year, I feel happy for them. They're getting on just fine without me it seems. Yeah it's hard....but only because I dream of a 'roses round the door all is forgiven' relationship. But that's my terms of reference.
What I have got is knowledge that my son has a smile on his face, a girl looking at him like she thinks he's the dogs bollocks, and a life that he's living.
Go on then my son. I'm proud of you and your sister.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Oh man BB, ... that's got to be the worst ... cause if grand-kids come along, you won't be a part of that ... not unless something happens to soften their hearts and give 'forgiveness' a try ... I will include you in my prayers that the Big Guy will make it possible for you to be a part of their lives once again ...
I know for a fact that my ex-daughter-in law would not allow me around my grand-kids had I not gotten sober ... she did move a few hundred miles away, but since I made life changes, I do get to see them a couple times a year ... Wish you best best brother ...
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 21st of December 2016 08:49:43 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
The ball is firmly in their court pappy
You can only give so much. The door is open but I'm no longer waiting with my hand on the lever.
Meanwhile, against all indications to the contrary, I'll be getting wed next summer, there's 2 daughters and a granddaughter involved. Not a replacement, it's a stand alone new relationship. The daughters are 18 and 23. The younger one lives with us. The older one in the next town (She's the one with the 3 year old).
What's not to like.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I can relate to this topic personally, but I would like to approach this from a different perspective based on my own experience.
I am a product of what we are discussing and when I got older I hunted down my father that "walked out" on us at such an early age. This son of a bitch never picked up a cigarette let alone any booze or drug and when I made contact, I was shunned as if he didn't want anything to do with me. Here I am praying like hell to make contact with a son I can't see but a straight-edge dude like my pop doesn't want anything to do with me no matter how much time has passed. What gives? I wrestled these feelings for a few years and then accepted that I can't force anyone to love me, not even a parent. Live and let live can taste bitter, but it also carries a freedom that I have only found by practicing principles passed down through AA.
Visionz.....there is a freedom in accepting that you can't make anyone love you.
Somewhere it says acceptance is the answer.
Like the serenity chant
Accept the things I cannot change (everywhere, everything and every bugger else)
Change the things I can (me and how I think, act, etc)
I really appreciated you're reply.
Tanin. .. thanks for the congratulations and as we say in Scotland, give time time....what's for ye willnae go bye ye.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
