For most of my life I have felt an emptiness in my core. As a child I tried to fill this emptiness with constant TV watching or by pigging out on candy. When I discovered alcohol and drugs, I devoured both trying to fill the void I felt. When I began my professional career I used the money I made to fill the hole by buying cars, clothes and other material items. The horrible thing is that nothing worked. No matter how much I ate or drank or bought, the desperate feeling of emptiness never went away.
When I entered recovery, I began hearing others talk about a similar hole they felt as well. I heard familiar tales of obsessive use and abuse of alcohol and other things all in an attempt to fill that hole. No matter how much or in what combination they tried, nothing worked. Everyone still felt irritable, restless and discontented. I heard many people say they felt like others were given the operating manual to life but they didnt get one. I felt that same way for most of my life, too.
As I made my way through the Twelve Steps, my feeling of emptiness began to subside. The deeper into the journey I went, the more my hole seemed to get filled. The closer I got to my Higher Power, the more centered and fulfilled I became. As I talked to others about this I was told that all my life I had a God shaped hole, and that I had been trying to fill it with the wrong things. Only a surrender and connection to God could ever fill the emptiness I felt. As I poured His love and light into my life, I felt whole for the first time.
Today I know that I have a God shaped hole and only continued conscious contact will keep me whole and happy.
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Copyright @ 2016 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
