Hey Pappy, I think I am starting to figure some stuff out. I remember when I first stopped drinking , I was all caught up in the how's and whys of alcoholism and alcoholics. I remember you told me to concentrate on staying sober and going to meetings. I thank you for that immensely. I am starting to reslize why now, because for all intent and purposes it does not matter. What matters is staying sober. So I am driving to work this morning and on the radio I hear about NASA spending billions of dollars on trying to figure out the origin of earth and our galaxy. I started laughing and I thought of you. We have global strife everywhere, children starving, cancer everywhere,diseases out of control, pollution everywhere, and NASA is spending billions on origins, this cracked me up. Those scientists need to attend a few meetings. By the time they figure out the origin , the world and galaxy will be a foregone conclusion. Kind of like me , instead of asking why and how about my alcoholic life, just fix it , which is what I am trying to do. Thanks Pappy
You're starting to remind me ... of me ... ... ... LOL ... When I first tried to get sober, Boy, did I get caught up in trying to fig'r out WHY I had this disease to start with ... I always maintained I could stop when, and if, I really wanted to ... so I continued to drink, things got worse, went to rehab again ... started drink'n again after a short time ... went to rehab again and stayed sober for a few months, during which time I went to a bookstore and bought, literally, every book on the AA approved reading list(mid 1990's) ... at the same time, over a period of a few months, I bought up to 14 daily meditation books, plus many others like 'The Little Red Book' and other 'getting and staying sober' books ... ... ... I had become DESPERATE to understand what was wrong with me and WHY ... ... ...
I ended up drink'n while I continued to read through all these books ... ... ... It wasn't until 2008 that I hit my very lowest point ... I knew my next binge would become my last, cause I could not live through another one, plus I was on the brink of divorce, lost my last job, and could barely walk ... so, in my 4th rehab, one of my counselor's loaned me a book to pass the time (years later, after possible 'conflict of interest' with his job, this guy became my sponsor, and is still my sponsor to this day) ... It was "the Shack" by William P Young ... That book (although a work of fiction) was so well written that It changed my whole 'concept' of a 'Higher Power' ... I finally became convinced that God not only existed, but he came to be by my side at all times ... once that spiritual awakening occurred in me, I plunged into our AA program with 'total honesty' working the steps like my life depended on them (and it did) ... I have not found it necessary to have a drink since ... plus, sobriety is a blast ... (if a person desires it to be so) ...
So, ... as you said, once I stopped look'n for WHY I was alcoholic, and I learned all about alcoholic living, and finally 'opened my mind' to the prospect that God truly was there to help me if I'd only allow Him/Her to be, it changed my whole life, else I'd have been dead since '08 ... ... ... OH, one other thing ... the 1st paragraph of chapter 5 in the BB is something I read over and over and over, ... when it finally sunk in, I knew I had some work to do ... it goes as follows:
RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
P.S. 'The Shack' is a fantastic book, however, it's very depressing the first 1/2 of the book, ... it's the 2nd half that grabs you by the 'short 'n curlies' ... ... ... that's where immense wisdom comes into play ... ... ... (just so you know)
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thank you,Pappy I will get that book I believe in God and I am getting to the point in my life where I actually think he believes in me. It's the sobriety I think it brings honesty into your life whereas drinking is a life fueled by lies. At the time you think they are white lies, but a lie is a lie, and a white lie might be the worst, it's a lie to someone else and a lie to yourself usually all to keep the drinking alive, that was my case anyway. By the way if " The Shack Depresses me I will put a funny movie on after a read a few chapters. Or watch reruns of Seinfeld. Thanks again Pappy your wisdom is priceless.
Bunchie
You ARE start'n to see the REAL you it seems ... Congrats to you ... It took some time, of course, but while work'n the Steps, I also began to realize just how much I lied to myself (with the help of my sponsor, of course)... ... ... when the BB talks of 'honesty', they ain't kid'n ... Total Honesty is the Only way to be comfortable living in your own skin ... it makes a world of difference ...
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
